If life had a name...(Chapter One)

When I was younger I always LOVED being the center of attention. Always loved being in front of a camera and hated when people didn't pay attention to me.  1

Somewhere along the line it changed.2

I became so tense, and more quiet than I think anyone ever imagined happening.  Sadly enough, by the time I hit 6th grade I was one of the biggest geeks with no friends, and hardly no future.  3

In the beginning of my 6th grade year my mom and dad decided to move me from the school I was at since I was little to some school I've never SEEN.  Of course, I had no friends, no chance of making them, and no way would I try.4

Although it was a brand new school everything just seemed the same.  There were the popular girls I wanted to be, and that "one boy" every girl wanted...5

(including me)6

Her name was Ashley7

His name was Justin8

Envied by all9

And hated all.10

So of course, I stayed the HELL away from them,11

No use in ticking them off right?12

I should have known with my luck something would have gone terribly wrong anyway, and surprise surprise...It did.13

One day I guess Ashley just decided she hated me and wanted to make my life worse then it was (if possible).  So, she started something with three of her other friends that (to my surprise) lasted quite sometime.  Everyday at recess, Ashley and her friends decided they were goi ng to just pick on me until I cried and cried, then, Just to (quite literally) kick me while I was down, they beat the shit out of me.14

To this day I'm still not sure why I never said anything?15

I think they scared me enough to keep my mouth shut.16

Forever.17

And ironically enough, it didn't even stop there.  Justin found out that I liked him, BOY was that terrible.  Until...well...he asked me out.  18

Now let me tell you I've never felt so much joy in my little heart EVER.  People were talking to me and being nice and for the first hour I felt as if I was in heaven.  After we got through one class "together" he wrote me a note that I was more than excited to read.  Come to find out my heart was only crushed all over again.19

He broke up with me.20

Not only that...but he did it as a bet.  He got $20 to go out with me for one hour...and I believed him.21

I went home that day fed up, devastated, and so hurt that I did the unthinkable...I attempted suicide.  Why live a life that never went the right way anyway?  Obviously because I'm living my life and writing this for people to read I didn't quite finish off the attempt.  It did fail.  But for the sake of this story and learning purposes,22

I'll take you back through that night.23

**Laying in my bed I just cried.  I didn't understand what was wrong with me and why he couldn't like me...let alone why no one could.  All I could do was think about everything that EVER happened to me that made me feel like shit...Somehow without realizing it I ended up in the bathroom with pain killers in my hands and an empty packet of Tylenol PM probably already in my system.  24

I popped three of those pain killers and laid down on my couch praying it would be fast and painless.  Two days later I woke up and realized it just didn't work..25

Pissed off and tired, I sat up...26

In MY bed.27

I looked around utterly confused, dizzy, hungry, but wanting to throw up.  How in the hell...did I get here?28

My mom opened the door and told me I was out for two days.  I woke up on and off and that I was extremely sick with a fever of 103.29

I knew why I was so "sick" but didn't dare tell her.30

I was in regret, I was sick, upset, tired, helpless, and sadly enough....31

That's only the start of all my pain.32