Pride, Shame, Friendship

There was something calming about gardening.  Getting my hands dirty, pulling out weeds that would kill what I want to survive, to carefully prune to make what is already beautiful more so.  1

Some friends from the other universities nearby were working with me, staving off our homesickness with doing something that is uniquely ours.  Almost none of the Others look towards nature anymore, and those that do don’t go to school in the middle of a metal-city.  2

I let the familiar accents and words wash over me as I pulled up a small weed with little yellow flowers.  I knocked most the dirt off the roots, and then placed it into the bucket with all of the other weeds I had picked up this round. 3

“What’s this?  They sent us gardeners? These are the people the Kaive claim are their best and brightest?  I’d be offended…if I already wasn’t.”  4

A man in front of me, Tomyus, scowled up at the group of Eunte that had appeared behind me, but I shook my head at him.5

“Some of us just know how to do a hard day’s work.  Not that you’d know anything about that, Arandin,” a woman I did not really know to my left said.  6

“I know what a hard day’s work is,” he replied, coolly.  7

I turned to look at him and his group of four other males.  They all went to school with me, all ambitious almost to the point of fault.  They were also, as far as I could tell, sons of nobles within their city-state of Eunte, and enjoyed playing the role of noblemen sons as far as they could.  8

“Working in an office doesn’t count as hard work,” I replied, then turned back to the garden.  9

“Oh, it’s our very own Brynne.  I’m sure you feel right at home, crawling around like a servant.”  The sneer was obvious in his tone, and I sighed.  He could make himself look a lot more intelligent if he kept his mouth shut.  I could tell, though, that his comments were affecting the others, crass and unsubtle that they were.10

“Well, servants do have something over you,” I said, flicking a piece of dirt off my finger and in his direction. 11

“And what is that?”  12

“They can create something beautiful.”  I smiled at him benignly before turning back around again and moving on to digging out a larger weed with sharp purple flowers.  13

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of his groupies watching me as they left.  14

*15

It was raining out when I left the building, but it didn’t matter.  It would hide the fact I was crying, which was more of a blessing than a curse.  16

I walked through the pathways, not caring and not noticing where I was until I reached the garden.  I stared at it blankly for some long moments, and then took the offered sense of comfort and knelt down by the far edge and started weeding.  We’d been neglecting it, letting the weeds overrun the pattern we had decided on when creating it. 17

It was a busy time of the year, after all.  A voice in the back of my mind whispered that we were ashamed, but I shoved it away.  We were busy.  The garden was nothing to be ashamed of.18

Nothing.  19

The rain made it easier to get the weeds out, but the wet dirt was clinging to my hands more than usual.  Didn’t matter.  Dirt could be wiped off, after all.  Especially if one was careful.  20

At what point did peaceful means stop being effective?  At what point does it stop being annoying and become abuse?  At what point am I going to break and just…stop?  21

Peace among the city-states was just a dream.  I just ignored it when everyone told me so, because dreams are what I’m supposed to shoot for, aren’t they?  The hate and intolerance were just too ingrained for more than a fake peace, a fake alliance.  The greatest university of inter-city relations was nothing more than a posturing scam of the Eunte, who bring in those that are unable to keep up on purpose to kick them out and prove to themselves they are the greatest.  22

I wished I wasn’t one of those people.  I was smart, among the smartest in my high school.  It was just too much, all the time, no breaks at all.  I just wanted to give up, and I never wanted to give up before.  23

I wished my dream had stayed a dream, where it was possible.24

*25

“Hello?”  I nearly fell into the ground as I turned to face one of the Eunte that was always around Arandin.  “Are you okay?” He sort of smiled at my reaction, but it didn’t seem like it was mean-spirited.26

“I’m fine.  Thank you.”  I turned back to the flowers, yanking another weed, this one just five sharp black leaves, out and throwing it into my meager pile.  27

“You guys must really love your flowers.  What are you doing?”  He crouched down next to me and picked up one of the weeds I had already picked, twirling the stem in his fingers. 28

“Weeding.  Random plants get into the garden and start taking space and nutrients that the flowers need, and so we need to get rid of them so the flowers don’t die,” I explained, a bit unsettled.  Why would he care?  “Plus, it makes the garden a lot neater.”29

“Fascinating.  How do you know which ones are weeds?”  He dropped the plant back into the pile and looked into the garden.  “The ones that are just leaves?”  30

“No, some with flowers are weeds, like this one.”  I pulled one with one primary bloom made up of a bunch of little petals up and showed up, then threw it into the pile.  “You recognize the types that are weeds after a while, or just remember what you planted and take out what doesn’t look right.”  31

“So, this would be a weed?”  He pointed at a delicate blue flower, and I shook my head.  32

“No, that’s just overrun with them.  The little yellow ones are especially nasty if left to grow, and since we’ve all been busy, that’s been happening.  When I was younger, I used to think all weeds were ugly, and all flowers beautiful.  It drove my father insane.” 33

“Why would you grow ugly flowers?”  34

I grinned.  “Ugly is a matter of opinion.  What I consider ugly, he considered beautiful.  It didn’t help that Mom agreed with me, and wouldn’t stop me if I was tearing out some of his favorites.  Drove him insane.” 35

“You sound close to them.” 36

I blinked.  “As close as any family is, I think.  Wasn’t yours like that?” 37

“No.” 38

Oh.  “I’m sorry.”  I turned back to the garden, cursing furiously in my mind.  I had to go ruin the first decent conversation with any of these guys, didn’t I.  Never could leave well enough alone.39

“Is this a weed?”  I heard, rather softly.  I turned my head a bit and saw him lightly gripping a small flowerless stem.  I nodded, and he lifted it from the dirt.  40

He was a better student than most children, who grabbed the plants and then asked if it was a weed or not.  Instead, he either pulled out those he knew for a fact were weeds, or waited for my yes or no. 41

I’m not sure how much time passed before we finished the small square of the garden, but it looked better than it had in a long time, and I was in a much better mood.  42

I smiled at…I realized, probably to late, that I had no idea what his name was.  “Hi.  I’m Brynne.”  I tried not to look to abashed as I reached out to shake his hand, realizing too late that my hand was covered with dirt.  43

Oh well.  So was his.  He blinked at me, then laughed.  “I’m Taurin.  It’s nice to meet you, Brynne.”  44