"Katina come down for breakfast practice is in 20 minutes!" said katinas mother.1
Screw her she thoguht "coming." is what came out of her mouth2
"mum i don't need to eat i told you i eat at practice" kaitna said3
"fine, are you walking today?"4
"yes! bye"5
she tormed out of the house like usual like anybody really cared if she ate. she had been on the swim team for the past couple of seasons. She loved it. Not really. That summer a new girl was there she looked about her age. Her name she didn't know yet.The first day of practiced always sucked. 6
The new girl was intersting. SHe wasn't your usual type of swimmer. Well Katina had never seen a swimmer like her before. she was intrigued. this girl was dark but not too dark she had eyes that were broen but she knew they changed as her mood did. this girl was different and thats what this tiny town needed.7
"hey Tina" telled her best friend Megan.8
"hey meg" she yelled back "who's the new girl"she said as she got closer, Struggling to get her cap on.9
"you mean Emily. she came form somewhere in texas or something like that"10
"o" you said and shrugged it off11
Kelly had just twalked out and it seemed like she had a hard set on her mind. We'll just see how well the new girl handles it. Katina being the best on her team and age group had all the 8&under 9-10 11-12 and 13-14 girl records especially in the FLy and IM no one could beat her.12
Practice stated and once they got to the IM's she noticed that the new girl had moved up a lnae closer to hers. Once they were in the middle She was in her lane.13
This girl came swim she thought.14
On the third one the girl had passed all of her firends and was right behind her.15
She panicked she was swimming in one of the best lanes and was always the leader. She was shocked.16
the new girl got out at the end of the set and talked to the coach. She saw her mouth her name. How did she know her name? the answer was obvious all swimmers in illinois knew her name she always beat them.17
She saw the girl come back and got in the lane to the left of her lane 1 were the boys trained. 18
"o my gosh" she screeched and her lane turned to her.19
"whats wrong" Frankie asked 20
"Nothing" she repied21
PRactice went and it was over. she was so mad that that girl had passed her.22
Author notes
Idk how to write stories but i needed to try i dont think its over but i dont know how to write very well and i would really appreciate people commenting on this so i can write better stories
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is a good story!
I LOVE STORIES!!! Keep it up
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i like it. well you know you dont give a lot, but maybe that will be in the next chapter that i am about to read. o and nice beginging
~nerny -
well i did a second one on katina and i did emily and a second one i should really do betetr cause i can i just need time i guess but still as i make it longer i'll put more details into it
-em -
Hmm. I didn't know that. In that case, it might do you good to make that a little more blatant, perhaps a friend offering her food during practice, or going a little more into detail about what katrina was feeling in the first part of it...?
And Emily...the only reason she's there now is to create rage in the main character. It might be neat if in the end something happens to her, like she begins to drown or something, and katrina has to save her.
Iunno. It's your story. I'm more of a storywriter than a poet, that's blatantly obvious...*rolls eyes at himself* But yeah. Considering that perspective, it's good, but needs fine tuning to become a masterpiece. -
the thing is i'm going to make it about eating disorders in katina and emily i dont know yet maybe something else this is something that i dont do i dont write stories so i dont know
-em -
Umm...spell check would do this wonders. Trust me. It makes it look very professional, and it also gives readers the sense you are being serious with them.
I'm not how you could improve the story itself better, but it does seems that it has no point. This is not necessisarily a bad thing, but it makes it sound like there is no reason to read this, like you have nothing to tell the reader.
Meh. I'm a dark writer. I write about pain and suffering a lot, and those are good for me. I don't delve much into the other stuff. One last thing, though, there should be a sequel to this. -
lol crap i nenglish class like i listen i sit next to someone htta i alwyastlak to seriosuly ha i wish i could listen but yeah i should and i would
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well i think it's good. it seemed more like you were writing a note to a friend. you should use more describing words like the crystal blue pool water and stuff... o and i know it's supposed to be a story but wouldn't it be fun to turn it into a poem? jw... anyways it was pretty good.... use more similies and metaphors and crap that you learn in english class. lol. well ttyl.....
~noelle
Edited on Jun 14, 10:16 because ''.
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