She slid into the clear water without a ripple, luxurating in the sensation of cool, refreshing wetness closing over her body. She raised her slender arms as she exhaled, and slipped below the surface, the water closed the chasm over her and muted all sounds except her thoughts. As she sank deeper into the infinite blue she gazed upwards at the shimmering beams of pure light dancing through the pristiness of her surroundings. It was so quiet, so peaceful. Her long hair swirled around her as she gently floated, suspended above the golden sands stretching forever into the pale mists in the azure distance, the light catching the sparkling flecks. Green seaweed swayed to the rhythm of her heart. Sleek dolphins circled around her. The perfect moment lasted for eternity. As the dolphins rose for air she kicked her long legs gracefully, rising to the surface with them. Her head emerged from the water and she breathed in the salt air like one newly born.1
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
I once had a dream where I was a fish, that is what your story reminded me of, that dream. You did a good job pulling the reader into this story. You had good immagry and good flow.
-
very vivid imagery...beautiful descriptions and...well, i love it...great job with this...you can certainly paint a picture with your words and i felt like i were swimming with dolphins myself...congratulations on a job well done...
-
that was beautiful. you could easily imagine her in the water. very good word choice's i love it beautiful piece of writing your very talented. its very short but it seems to be the best for it it is about a moment short and sweet beautiful keep writing good job.
-
That is the best possible thing a person could do with just 157 words.
-
WOW!
That was amazing! It was so beautiful. Your word choices were awesome! you were very descriptive, so I could almost see her in the water, surrounded by dolphins. Wonderful! -
Awesome!
Wonderful imagery and sentence flow. It actually made me feel like I'm really delving into water! Although it was a little short. You should expand on it, make it into a whole story. Who knows what you can do with it :]
-
Your imagery was wonderful and the shortness seemed to enhance the effect of the write. I very much liked this piece - great job!
-
Very descriptive
A beautiful moment in time. Thank you for taking me there with you.
-
I love the title! :D.
Did I really need to tell you that your imagery was completely and insanely beautiful? No, I'm sure you're already aware of that. I just fell in love with your very last sentence : "Her head emerged from the water and she breathed in the salt air like one newly born.", It was a beautiful analogy for an intense moment
. Such a simple scene, but written with a lot of depth. Good job!
-
Amazing
Beautiful imagery you create here. My favorite line was "Her head emerged from the water and she breathed in the salt air like one newly born.1" It really put me in the scene, and once I was done reading it, I realized that I had held my breath throughout the entire piece, as if I was really underwater with her.
This sounds as if it was fun to write too! It makes me jealous that someone could experience such a beautiful moment, but since you wrote this, it allows its readers to experience the moments right along with her. Absolutely wonderful job
.
-
Beautiful descriptions
This was so short, but I felt as if I lived that moment. Rather, I felt like I was intruding on her silent dance under the water. It was magical, surreal... something one would see when things are filmed and then played half their speed - that's when you see the magic, sometimes
This can even BE a poem
Thanks so much for sharing this, I enjoyed every bit!
-
WOW! That was really beautiful!
It was..... WOW!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 5.
-
Just a single paragraph but well executed.
The descriptions given are so vibrant they are a painting done with words instead of acrylic.
I could 'feel' peace and serenity drifting over me as I read, and then re-read, this delightful description of a moment in time.
Wonderful, absolutely wonderful
Well done
-
wow
htis is a lovely, serene short story!!
your writing brought me right to the middle of the sea!! really nice, descriptive piece!
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
