It Hurt Me When You Came Near [[Epilogue]]

I was sitting two rows away from him. In the next month, he'd be graduating. I watched as Jacob played his solo for Mr. Grow. It was flawless, as always, and I smiled to him. I felt eyes on me. A lot of times, that happened. But one pair made me scared. Laura Eigel, Jake's new girlfriend, didn't like that I was staring at HER man. But Jake and I were friends. I wasn't going to let a girlfriend make me stay away. 1

Jacob told me what happened to me. How crazy he thought I was going. He said that one minute I was flirting, the next I was thrashing and screaming. I at one point thought that I should get evaluated; see if I was bipolar even. But everyone assured me I was alright. Even the hospital convinced me, but I knew I was schizophrenic. I knew what was going to happen if I didn't take care of that...2

My anemia decided it won't slow down. It just makes things ten times worse. I take a lot of pills for it. My weight has dramatically dropped and I can't eat red meat at all. My body rejects it, and certain iron products. I've been alright, although every now and again I have to get blood transfused. It's tough to have to deal with that when you're sixteen. I joke around lately. I say I'm a vampire and act like I am going to bite people. I try to keep myself energized for school. The fact that I barely sleep and eat makes me look...scary. It also makes it hard to be energetic at all! But it's a change from years ago. I'm pale and skinny and it's odd to see, but I can finally say Paul's my dad. I think that makes everyone know I am fine. If I can smile and still joke in my shape, then that's good. 3

"Kayla, play your's now" Mr. Grow says as I turn around. I nod and he counts me off. I let my mind release all my thoughts and problems. The notes come out, just as flawless as Jake's solo. I don't turn around to see if Jake's smiling. I can tell he's happy. He claps and soon everyone else is. Kathy is laughing at the fact that they're clapping. I just look at my music and suddenly realize it wasn't as flawless as Grow thought. "Mr. Grow...I forgot to decrescendo at the end of the bar" I mutter as I highlight and make note of it. He stares at me for a moment. Some kids are laughing now, but I don't care. I hear Stephanie start singing "Overachiever"" and I want to kick her. 4

Mr. Grow nods and makes note as well. "Alright...pick up to measure thirty-one" He says, counting off. I stick the mouthpiece back in my mouth and play as usual. And by 'as usual' I mean flutes 'dying'. We have to go back and work on their parts. I sigh and sit back. I think about the past few months. I think about how I worked things out and realized the truth. The real deal. I wished I had never done what I did. I wished that I never had the obsession with a boy I never could have. I wished that Kyle Redoutey didn't look exactly like him, but that objective was clearly out of the picture. Kyle was my band son and always would be. Jacob would be my best friend, and always would be. And Ryan would forever be my lover.5

It hurt when I thought about him, yet when he looked at me, it was ten times worse.6

It hurt when he wanted me, yet it hurt me when I almost left him.7

It hurt when he loved me, and definitely hurt when he brought back the memories.8

It hurt when I cried about him and it's going to hurt when he's gone.9

And I know it will probably hurt me deep inside when he comes near me. I'm okay with that, because I know he's with someone he needs. I know I'm with someone that needs me. So together, with our friendship, we'll try to make each others' lives better. I hope that my friend doesn't die while serving. I don't think I could handle losing the person who inspired me to tell the story. The man I once loved. Love. 10

JTS11

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Jacob did indeed go into the army. He married Laura when he came back from Afghanistan in the spring 2013. They moved south soon after and it was rumored that they had a daughter. He went back the next year and went missing in action. He was never seen again. 13

Kori married Ryan and they moved south as well. The last time Kori heard from Jacob was the last summer he was in America. He talked about the old times and joked with her. Kori never assumed he would go missing. She was very shocked when Laura announced it. 14

But that was the last Kori heard from Laura as well. 15

Kori and Ryan ended up having two boys and a girl, a difference to the planned two girl-one boy deal. But they were content and it satisfied them. The second son was born a month after Jacob went missing. He was named Jake Mikel. 16

Kori wanted to best for Jacob. She wished on many stars and dreamed every night. But the more she dreamed, the more the reality came. Jacob wasn't missing. He was dead. And it hurt her to know that every day of her life. 17