Blue Stationary

1

2


It seemed so dark now, without the usual hustle and bustle of the daylight hours. It seemed so empty, and Kyle thought that it was almost eerie. The familiarity didn't matter anymore.3

Not after tonight.4

The restaurant he was cleaning up didn't seem like much. It had the usual red, leather booth seats, with bits of yellow foam visible in the holes made by restless children, and it had the wood tables, the type that seemed almost plastic to the touch. The large "Catch of the Day" fish plaques resided next to the old-fashioned rustic picture frames that held posters, signed by long-forgotten celebrities. And yet, behind the façade of a small town restaurant, this place was full of memories – the happy, and the not so happy.5

Kyle could look at the picture of a gruff, heavily mustached fisherman – his eyes slightly blurred by the hairline crack in the glass – holding a fish of inordinate bulk and see four frolicking children. He could see through the brightly colored posters and remember an unintended dinner for two…6

He could look into one of the eyes of the fish and see a similarly desolate memory. Tonight’s memory.7

As Kyle pulled a clean towel out of the laundry basket in the room that connected off of the kitchen, pausing as he remembered where it had all started.8

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------9

It was the first day of first grade.10

He remembered because it was the first day he had met Sarah, and they day he’d broken the ugly fisherman picture frame.11

Kyle was walking off of the bus, full to the brim with self-confidence, one of his backpack’s strap slung over one shoulder. “Hey, Derek!” he called, grinning brightly at the brown haired boy who had just stepped off of the bus.12

Derek smiled back at Kyle, his short legs pounding the earth as he ran towards his friend. “Kyle! We’re first graders! Cool!”13

A teacher smiled at the pair of excited boys, laughing slightly as Derek’s baseball cap drooped over his eyes. “Here you go,” she said, and righted it.14

“Hey, Mrs. Be… Berlington!” Derek said. “That’s Lauren’s mom,” he informed Kyle, nodding importantly.15

“Lauren? From last year?” Kyle asked. “Is she in our class?”16

“Yep,” Derek said, then followed Kyle to the line that said their teacher’s name on it.17

Once in their classroom, the kids were assigned their seats, and Kyle craned his neck to search for the dark head of hair he knew to be Lauren’s. “Derek? Do you see Lauren?”18

“I’m right here, Kyle,” someone behind him said exasperatedly, and Kyle received a sharp poke in the elbow.19

“Ow,” Kyle said, rubbing the spot. “Oh, hi, Lauren!” And then: “Who are you?”20

“That’s Sarah Nicholson,” Lauren said knowingly, tossing her frizzy dark hair over her shoulder. “She’s new.”21

Sarah smiled shyly in greeting, tucking a short strand of blond hair behind her ear. “I’m six and a half,” she said, for age was an important thing then.22

The two boys looked at Sarah, who was skinny and rather short, and her deep green eyes were large for her face. Freckles lightly dotted her slim nose, and her smile was soft and tentative. She was pretty in a wraith-like sort of way, though Kyle would not admit this until several years had passed. As it was, she was virtually unnoticeable next to Lauren Berlington, who even at a young age was showing signs of beauty.23

Lauren nudged Derek with her elbow, and he said, “Hi, Sarah,” and Kyle echoed him slightly afterwards.24

The dark haired girl smiled self-assuredly, pleased.25

Later, Derek peeked across their table – the four of them sat at one round one, a bucket of pencils at the center – at Sarah’s drawing. They were supposed to be drawing their favorite things, because it would help them get to know each other better, according to the teacher.26

“Why are you drawing with the blue marker?” Derek asked, aghast, his own face smudged across the nose by a black one. “It’s a boy color!”27

“You are such a dolt, Derek Westers,” Lauren said scathingly, then turned to her own paper (which was covered in pink and purple flowers), leaving Derek wondering what he’d said wrong.28

Sarah looked up and grinned slightly at Kyle, who returned the smile a second later.29

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------30

“…so can I have a play date with them, Mom?” Kyle was pleading, Derek by his side – he’d come over to his house-restaurant combination.31

“What, are they your girlfriends?” his mom teased.32

“Eww! They’re girls!” Derek said, while Kyle looked horrified and shook his head vehemently. “Gross.”33

The mother rolled her eyes and turned back to the pictures she had spread out on the floor, Windex in one hand, a roll of paper towels in the other. “I’ll call their mothers once I’m finished with this,” she said, gesturing to the picture frames. “You can play for now, can’t you?”34

“Ok. Fine,” Kyle conceded grudgingly, then turned… and slipped on one of the picture frames, hearing a small crack as he did so. A sense of panicked horror seemed to smother him as he saw the fisherman’s marred face. “Mom! I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry…”35

His mother smiled at Kyle’s expression and said, “We’ll just have to get is fixed up somehow… Anyways, go play for now. I’ll fix it,” she said again, shaking her head at the pair of boys.36

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------37

Plop.38

The present-day Kyle looked around, first at the picture frame, then at his hand – in which he still held the wet napkin, then at the table, where water was spreading slowly. How long had he been standing here?39

Long enough to relive the memory, he figured. As if that told him anything.40

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------41

Her hair had grown longer.42

He knew because he sat behind her every day during Social Studies class, when he spent most of his time trying and failing to listen to his lecturing teacher, who made this class more boring than it had to be.43

Therefore, Lauren’s hair became a point of interest. It was right in front of him. And it was beautiful, which made it all the more fascinating.44

She’d grown a lot taller, Lauren had. Her hair had lost its frizziness, and instead become smooth, wavy, and luscious, and her eyes had become a darker, warmer brown. Her skin had also darkened, becoming a deep tanned color. Her personality hadn’t changed much, though – if anything, it had become more intense and outgoing, making her an object of many ninth grade males’ wandering thoughts.45

Sarah, who sat to Kyle’s right, and had become reserved to the point of taciturnity among strangers, keeping her more relaxed self for her three closest friends: Kyle, Derek, and Lauren. She looked up suddenly and blushed slightly as she saw Kyle looking at her, and he looked away quickly, awkwardly.46

Sarah seemed to have forgotten the incident by the time the Social Studies teacher, because she nudged Kyle in the arm as he stood up, collecting his binder, her eyes twinkling – they did that rarely. “Still looking at Lauren?” she whispered teasingly. “Look at her long enough and you’ll bore holes right through her head.”47

“She’s not that bad,” he said, rolling his eyes. It was true – Kyle knew it for a fact. Almost half a year ago, his parents had divorced, and though he’d seen it coming, it had been really stressful and painful. The day after it happened, he found a note in his locker, telling him how sorry the note’s author was about what he was going through, and how she’d always be here for him. It had been written on dark blue stationary with a white lily on the side. Naturally, Kyle assumed that it was Lauren. It seemed obvious.48

He was interrupted from his reverie by a sharp clapping noise, and as he refocused, he saw Sarah snapping her fingers in front of his eyes. “Earth to lover-boy!” she said, then left him to fend off an eager Lauren, who was pelting him with questions about who his new crush was.49

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------50

Earth to lover-boy.51

The words still echoed in his mind.52

Earth to lover-boy.53

Kyle blinked and looked around, and upon finding himself in the present again, he groaned, realizing that he hadn’t gotten anything done while he was immersed in his memories. Tossing the napkin in the restaurant’s laundry hamper, he grabbed a broom to begin sweeping up the floor, which he did with inordinate aggressiveness.54

Earth to lover-boy.55

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------56

The lights were flashing – Kyle could see this through the tiny windows that didn’t seem to fit on the large front doors of his high school. Ducking beneath the sagging sign that read, “Junior Winter Dance!” – it had lost some of its tape – he pulled out five dollars and anxiously rolled the money between his hands as he rocked on the balls of his feet, waiting for admission into the dance.57

Luckily it was a “casual” dance, so he didn’t have to worry about formal clothing in addition to his other preoccupation.58

He finally got through the line and into the cafeteria-turned-dance-floor, peering through the crowd of dancing people, trying to find someone. Take your time, he thought to himself. Not too soon.59

Once he had gathered his courage he walked towards the dance floor, when a voice called, “Good luck, Kyle!”60

Kyle smiled nervously at Sarah, who knew about his plan – indeed, she had helped him form it – and asked, “Have you seen her? Lauren, I mean?”61

Putting a hand above her eyes to shield herself from the flashing lights, Sarah looked around the dance floor. “Um, she was dancing over by the DJ’s table, last I’ve seen…”62

Kyle grinned, said, “Thanks!” and walked in the direction she had pointed out.63

He was going to ask Lauren to dance.64

And because he didn’t quite believe it himself, he repeated it again.65

“I’m going to ask Lauren Berlington to dance,” he said, though he didn’t realize he’d said it aloud until he earned some very alarmed looks from his peers.66

Kyle had gone out with his share of girls before, though not as much as Derek had, and this, this was different…67

He pushed his way through the crowd, ducking beneath swaying arms, smoothing back his dark hair anxiously, narrowly avoiding a swaying couple, and then he saw her, right there, in a soft, tightly fitting dress, dancing –68

-with Derek Westers.69

Kyle merely stood there in shock, or at least until another couple nearly trampled him.70

How could Derek do this to him? He was in on the plan, he knew what Kyle had been planning. How could he actually agree to dance with her? Or worse, how could he ask her in the first place, if that was what he had done?71

“Oh…” said a voice behind him, and he turned around to see Sarah looking at Derek and Lauren bewilderedly. “Oh, gosh, Kyle, I’m so sorry…” There was a note in her voice that suggested she wasn’t quite as disappointed as she seemed, but Kyle didn’t notice that…72

Kyle looked at Sarah and smiled sadly. “Guess I was too late, then.”73

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------74

“Really, man, I didn’t mean to. Crap! That didn’t sound right. I didn’t ask her, Kyle, I didn’t, she just sort of asked, and I couldn’t disappoint her-”75

Kyle interrupted Derek with a sarcastic, “Oh, right, I’m a disappointment,” before the words sank in and he sagged in the seat he was sitting in, slightly dejected.76

“No! No, Kyle, that’s not what I meant. She asked me to dance, and, well, I agreed… I mean, it’s not like she likes me or anything,” he said defensively. “She can’t.”77

Kyle looked around the dance room – Lauren had left “fashionably early,” in her words, and Derek caught Kyle sitting at one of the tables and started apologizing profusely.78

Most kids were still there. The dance floor started about ten feet away, and girls danced gracefully while boys stood farther back, glaring disdainfully at the boy at whom their girlfriends were looking at. Derek, who was looking balefully at Kyle and running a hand through his spiky brown hair.79

“Derek,” Kyle said, suddenly angry again, “you’ve got half of the Junior girls after you already. Couldn’t you have – she’s the one girl-”80

“Look, man, I’ll let her know that there isn’t anything between us tomorrow. I promise.”81

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------82

Kyle scowled at his broom as if blaming it for the lack of work he’d completed, then attacked the crumbs on the floor with renewed vigor.83

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------84

He didn’t talk to her the next day.85

He asked her on a date.86

They remained a couple through the end of junior year and straight into senior year, with barely a rough patch in-between. The two had broken the record for longest high-school relationship in the four friends’ school, and they were the “It” couple – everyone knew about them, which made it worse.87

For Kyle, at least.88

So while they became the two most well-known kids in school, Kyle began to work in his mother’s restaurant. Since his father had left, the business had slowly lost money, and Kyle decided – albeit reluctantly – that it was time to pitch in. He took on the recently vacated job of assistant kitchen manager in the evening, and Sarah decided to work part time as a waitress.89

There only one rocky part, and Kyle was probably the only one who knew it.90

She had been sitting in the restaurant, dressed in an artfully short skirt and a half-sleeve, maroon sweater over a white tank-top. Kyle would always remember this outfit.91

Looking around in an almost lost manner, Lauren told her waiter to wait a second – her boyfriend was coming, she told him. Checking her watch repeatedly, Kyle watched until he felt like he had to say something.92

“Hey, Lauren,” he said, emerging from the kitchen and standing by Lauren. “Um, are you okay?” he asked hesitantly.93

“Hey Kyle,” Lauren said, looking slightly surprised. “I forgot you worked here, now, sometimes… Yeah… I’m doing well…”94

Kyle looked around. He’d heard her telling the waiter that her boyfriend – that could only mean Derek – was coming. “Where’s Derek? I thought he was supposed to meet you here…”95

“Oh, um, Derek?” she looked uncomfortable, and slightly said. “His basketball practice must have run over time… he’ll be coming,” she said, trying to reassure herself of this.96

“What time was he supposed to come? It’s almost nine…”97

“His basketball practice must be running late,” she repeated.98

“Really, Lauren, what time was he supposed to come?”99

To Kyle’s immense alarm, Lauren dropped her head into her perfectly manicured hands, and from the slight shake in her shoulders it looked like she was crying. Confused as to what had just happened, Kyle said, “Um, Lauren, are you okay? I’m sure he’ll be coming… I didn’t mean…”100

Lauren raised her head to glance at Kyle, who had a moment to think about how pretty she still looked when she was crying before she said, distressed, “He missed our last date, too. I don’t know what’s with him… I don’t know if it’s because he needs a good record for college, or what, about basketball, I mean…” she trailed off. “And graduation’s a couple months away, and I don’t want… him… to you know, break up… but I don’t know… w-what’s with him…” she repeated.101

Kyle wanted to say, Ditch him! He’s missing your dates, he’s not good enough for you… but instead he said, “I’m sure he didn’t mean to – I’ll bet that’s it, I’ll bet his basketball practice is running late.” He didn’t want her looking so upset, it made him sad…102

He looked up as Lauren nodded and wiped her eyes, and found himself meeting Sarah’s gaze from across the room. Her expression was unreadable, her arms were folded, and after a second, she picked up the pad she wrote her customers’ orders on and swept towards a distant table.103

“Y’know, you’re probably right,” Lauren said, forcing a wavering smile onto her face. “he’s just running late…”104

But within a quarter of an hour, Kyle was still sitting in Derek’s seat, and Derek still hadn’t come yet. He and Lauren had talked for a while, their discussion sometimes punctuated by laughs, and it reminded Kyle of the years before she’d dated Derek.105

“It’s funny,” Lauren said, glancing away from Kyle for a second. “You’re really nice and good in all of the ways Derek isn’t… you’re kind, and you listen to me, understand me… I mean, Derek is fun, and all, but you’re…”106

She turned her head back you Kyle. “You,” she finished, and before Kyle could reflect on what a strange, clichéd phrase that was, she leaned forwards and kissed him, and he kissed her back, and for one golden moment, she was his, and he was hers…107

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------108

“I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it,” Sarah said later that night, tossing a couple napkins into the hamper with unwonted force, while Kyle swept the floor beside her.109

Kyle scowled, and said nothing.110

“She’s already going out with Derek – or is she, still? And how do you know that you won’t be the next one she throws away? How do you know she won’t get bored of you, too?”111

“Look,” Kyle said through gritted teeth. “She’s not bored of Derek – he was just late, that’s all…”112

“Oh, so you decide to kiss her,” Sarah said sarcastically, folding her arms.113

“Why are you so upset about this, anyways?” Kyle said, changing the subject slightly.114

Sarah’s mouth dropped open slightly, and she said, not sounding very convincing, “I- I just don’t want you to get hurt by her again, that’s all…”115

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------116

Kyle’s hands gripped the same broom involuntarily, his mouth pressed into a firm line. He had been hurt, and Derek had just been late. Lauren and Derek had dated the next couple months, through the graduation, and into college.117

And then tonight had happened.118

They were all sophomores in college, and Derek had invited his parents, Kyle, Sarah, Lauren, and her parents to a large family dinner at what was now Kyle’s restaurant. He and Sarah had declined – they had to work a shift that night, but they promised to wait on their table – but the rest of the people had come.119

Derek had chosen the unconventional route of proposing to Lauren this early, and in front of her parents.120

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------121

Lauren looked simple dazzling as she laughed her way through her dinner, smiling happily at Derek and Kyle and everyone as if the night two years ago hadn’t happened at all…122

Derek’s and Lauren’s parents seemed to be enjoying the dinner as much as Lauren was, though they were looking at Lauren in an unusual manner, almost knowing and anticipating…123

In fact, everyone was, because Lauren was the only one at the table who didn’t know what separated this night from others, didn’t know why her parents were here…124

And so, once Sarah had cleared their plates away, Lauren gasped as Derek got out of his chair, knelt on one knee in front of her, and swept out a simple, silvery velvet box and opened it with the muffled snapped that all jewelry boxes open with…125

“Will you marry me, Lauren Berlington?”126

Lauren looked flustered – pleasantly so – and she looked at Derek, desperately trying to find the words to tell him. Shock had taken over her mind, and pleasure, and love…127

Kyle almost wished that she would look his way, a questioning looking in her eyes, and he would incline his head slightly, in a way that would say, ‘If you must…’128

She didn’t. She was still in shock.129

“Will you marry me, Lauren?” Derek asked again, smiling.130

By this time the restaurant had fallen silent, aware of the proposal taking place. Some of the couples looked at each other, reliving their own memories of their younger years, while kids tugged on their parents arms and were hushed with a finger to their lips.131

“Lauren, I can’t get off of my knees until you answer me,” Derek said good-naturedly, grinning at his girlfriend. The people in the restaurant laughed appreciatively, indulgently.132

“Yes,” Lauren said simply, and then they were kissing, Sarah looked victorious, and Kyle looked away, a strange mixture of relief and disappointment in his chest…133

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------134

And then, once everyone was out, he began to clean up the restaurant, delighting in and yet hating the emptiness around him. It was his turn to lock up the restaurant, and so he could take his time, and think.135

Which he did.136

Once he had shaken himself out of his last reverie, he pushed his broom into the storage closet and sat down at one of the tables, staring unseeingly at one of the many, many pictures and posters that lines the wall.137

There was a sound of footsteps behind him, and he looked up – he thought that he was the last one here. Tonight was his night to lock up.138

“Oh, Kyle, you’re still here?”139

Kyle found himself thinking, for one twisted moment, that it was Lauren… but it wasn’t. It was Sarah.140

“I thought maybe you had wanted to go home after this,” she said, smiling sadly at Kyle. “After tonight, y’know… so I was going to lock up for you…”141

Kyle looked at Sarah, who had changed out of her black and white waitress uniform and into a pair of pale blue jeans and a white sweatshirt that had her college’s name in blue letters. She had let her hair down, and she looked awkwardly at Kyle, her hands clasped behind her back.142

“Um, I was wondering, if, maybe, because I know this was hard in all… if you wanted to go out to dinner this Thursday, y’know, just for fun, and to get your mind off things…” she cut herself off, looking embarrassed.143

“I actually have a night class that night…” Kyle said, in a tone strangely devoid of emotion.144

“Oh, um, that’s ok, then…” Sarah said, her voice wavering slightly. A slight thump on the table told him that she had set the keys there, and he heard her walk towards the door.145

He looked up. The keys were on the table, but that wasn’t all. Beneath them, Kyle saw a piece of blue stationary, and a white lily was mostly obscured by the ridged edges of the keys.146

Oh.147

Kyle stared at the stationary for a second while the realization hit him. It had been her – Sarah – who had left him the note that had caused him to find so much good in Lauren all of those years. It had been Sarah who had left him the note.148

Sarah.149

She was the one who had also stayed by his side all of those years, supporting him, watching him without complaint as he longed for Lauren. It was she who had helped him plan how he was going to ask Lauren to dance, and it was she who had sympathized with him when Derek was dancing with Lauren.150

And while he couldn’t forget how he felt about Lauren – not yet, it was all too fresh – he could make it up to her.151

He heard the door creak and stood suddenly, and called, “But I’m free on Friday – should I pick you up around noon?”152

Sarah looked at him with a dazzling smile and said, “I’d like that – I’ll see you then,” and walked outside.153

154

155

156

157