Honor of Choices

Douvai hated being useless and being a burden.  She hated it under her parents, when she became old enough to be aware of it, and hated it even more now that she was back.  There were differences this time, of course; she stood equal to her hand fasted partner, rather than below her parents, and had made enough money with the Council to hold her own for quite a few years without having to go into her account.  1

She was still a burden, despite what Taiahn said.  He was able to spend his days in the Peace Talks with the Kontos, negotiating the first truce since the whole rivalry between the two races started.  She sat and idled in their apartments, every inch covered in some intricately detailed and richly colored tapestry, rug, painting, statue, wardrobe, and everything else in the rooms.  2

What she loved of the room was the balcony.  Through an entrance guarded with heavy black drapes, it was as under decorated as the room was over decorated, with only a few large pillows matching the interior décor propped up in the corners.  There, she could find peace.3

It was also there she grew bored beyond what she had ever felt before.  Even Scouting, are tedious as it could be, meant she was doing something.  4

She turned into an ornament, and it grated on her nerves.  Along with this, her life had become predictable enough to be annoying.  She sat outside and read, practiced what magic she had that could actually be practiced, and stared at the clouds as they drifted by.  Once the sun started hitting the horizon, Taiahn would return and join her on the pillows and they would watch the sunset.  5

A break within this routine caught her attention one morning.  Someone was in the rooms, stomping around and…a crash of some sort, and then cursing.  By this point she relaxed a bit; it was Taiahn, though there was no reason he should be here this early.  The sun had yet to reach the zenith, and she hadn’t had lunch yet.  6

It was quiet after a few moments, and she quickly stood up and pulled aside the drapery that separated the apartments from the balcony.  One of the smaller side tables was on its side, four squat blue and green candles still rolling back and forth on the floor.  Taiahn had ended up on the bed, taking up as much room his slender frame could and holding one arm over his eyes.  7

“Was it that bad?” she asked, sitting down in the rather small amount of space left and lifting his arm away. 8

“It wasn’t bad at all,” he replied, shifting so that he was more curled around her.  9

“I think you’re lying.  Candles don’t go rolling every time you come back.”  10

He chuckled, grabbing her hand.  “I tripped coming in.  I don’t think I’m used to this room in the light.” 11

“Well, it’s rather easy to see where you’re going, being light and all.  Why out so early?  They cancelled the meetings on everyone, or did you just leave?”  12

“They’re off today and tomorrow, due to a ball that the Council is sponsoring tonight.  I have been given the order to bring you along and to use whatever force necessary for doing so.” 13

Douvai rolled her eyes.  “Why should I have to go?  All I would do is anger some important person.  Again.”  14

“That’s one of your charms, darling.”15

“Not according to my parents.”  16

“You’re parents had no idea how to appreciate you.” 17

“Oh, and you do?”  She poked his side, making him cringe for a split second.  The next thing she knew, she had been tackled to the bed and being held down by her suddenly playful partner.  18

“Of course I do.  I’m the one who’s soon-to-be-married to you.  Well, what do you say?”  A quick kiss to the far left side of her mouth, and then he pressed his forehead to hers.  “Do I have to tie you up and inform the world of the games we play in private?”  19

“The games you wished we play.”  20

“In the end, it’s the same thing.  Please?  Your absence is starting to be noticed, and the last thing we need in their heads is that you’re fake or something to be ashamed of.  Up!  Come on.  They think the Scouts are a bunch of old crones, and are amazed at how effective the croaking is.  I won’t even ask you to be polite.  I miss you.”  21

Douvai sighed.  He was pouting, of course.  Saying no to a pouting Taiahn was a lot like kicking a puppy who wanted nothing more in the world other than a pat on the head and a smile.  Such a simple thing to keep him happy, despite the whole thing not being simple in the least.  Balls meant dressing up, acting like someone else, and sitting still for hours ahead of time so the hair and makeup isn’t ruined.   22

“Was that a yes I heard?”  23

“Might as well be, you bastard.  Get off me.”  She scowled up at him, doing her best to show how much of a sacrifice this was.  Her pride alone would take a major beating.  24

“Anything, my lady.”  He kissed her forehead and rolled off the bed, heading toward their wadrobe.  “I think we should go in blue.” 25

“I never agreed to dressing the same way,” she replied, and then rolled onto her stomach and hid her face in a pillow.  “That’s just dumb.”  26

“We won’t be dressing the same way, but with the same theme, perhaps.  Oh, this is gorgeous.  Look, you won’t even have to wear any figure-changing undergarments.  You’ll look ethereal.” 27

Douvai rolled to her side and gave the dress he was holding up a critical look.  It was indeed ethereal, made up a soft, gauzy fabric in a very pale blue.  Its style was mostly created in layers that vaguely clung to the shape of the woman, managing to be both modest and entirely too showy.  “It looks like an over robe.  It’s perfect if you want everyone to know every intimate detail of my body.”28

“Liar.  Here, an underslip.  All anyone would get a view of is your arms and legs, and I hardly think of those as intimate.  It’ll go perfectly with my navy robes.”  29

“Lovely.”  She rolled back onto her stomach, this time hiding her head under one of the pillows.  “Wake me when it’s over.” 30

“What was that, dear?  Oh, you brat.  You’re going to have to run down to your mother’s to get your makeup and hair done.  I doubt she’d turn you away, and she has the best group of stylists in all of Anteros.”  31

Douvai sighed and got off the bed, going for a dresser that held most of their bedclothes.  “I hate the fact I’m only beautiful when I don’t look like myself,” she said, slightly over her shoulder to Taiahn.  “It’s such a waste.”  32

“What gave you that idea?  You’re not your mother, but neither is anyone else.  You’re always beautiful,” he replied as he laid down his robes next to her dress.  “People are stupid.”  33

“Ironic coming from you.  Why would the Kontos even be here if you hadn’t run off with that angel-faced Anamra?”  She changed into a simple white robe, knowing without a doubt that she wouldn’t be able to pull a dress over her head when all was done.  “Why would they think you would be willing to put me aside at the first hint of being able to marry her without any repercussions?” 34

“I blame youth and stupidity.  I have moved beyond that, mostly thanks to her brothers.  If they had not tried to kill me, I would probably still be there.”  He walked over to the large mirror and started braiding his hair, biting his lower lip in slight concentration. 35

Douvai glanced over at him when she finished buttoning up the robe.  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.  You may have been happily married with children by now.” 36

“If it hadn’t happened by then, it probably would never happen.  Besides, I wouldn’t have you now if I had.  Things ended up for the better.”  37

It was really unfair that he was prettier than she was.  He was the pride of Antou for almost the same reason Douvai’s mother was the pride of Lalynthos: pure physical perfection within the confines of the House standards.  Taiahn had one up on her mother, however; he was the Hand of Antou, gifted with that power that separated Antou from the rest of the Houses.  38

Just like she was.  But where he was the golden boy and everybody’s sweetheart, Douvai had been in the shadows, the peculiar daughter-child of Alalia the Beauty.  It had seemed so unfair, until the day he left his people for the enemy, for a pretty face.  It was ballad-tragic, something that should not have happened in real life.39

No matter.  He had done his penance, and it was over.  She joined him at the mirror, taking a brush and quickly running it through her hair.  40

“What are you thinking about?”  He took the brush from her, scowling a little.  “Don’t brush your hair like that.  You’ll ruin it.”  41

“It’ll grow back.  It’s just hair.”  42

“It’s beautiful.  Now, what’s leading you to abuse it?”  He started brushing it, with long, smooth strokes that, somehow, smoothed it down more than she had ever managed to get it on her own.  43

“Trying not to think.  Do I have to go?  I can claim headache and stay here.” 44

“Do you really want to stay in here another day?  Doing nothing…talking to no one?  It’s a chance to do something different, even though it’s not something you necessarily enjoy.”  Finished with the brushing, he quickly plaited her hair into a very loose braid.  “Now, to your mother.  I’ll see you in a few hours.”  45

“Why does it have to take hours?  With my mother?” Douvai complained.  “And all you have to do is get dressed.” 46

“There’s more to it than that, even for the men.  Relax,” he said, calmly.  “Everything will be fine.” 47

“Famous last words.”  48

*49

Amazingly, everything seemed to be going fine.  Douvai wouldn’t go so far as to say fun, but she could sacrifice a fine.  She could still breath, which was an unusual bonus of fancy dress.  50

Everyone seemed to be getting along, though it did seem a little forced.  The Kontos, or, more specifically, the Bhodisten, had been polite enough to her during their meeting, but there was an undercurrent of blame, almost, that they weren’t able to get what they wanted.  Namely, Taiahn.  51

She left that conversation as soon as she could.  A niggling sense of failure sat in the back of her mind, like she had failed her duty as a Scout by having them there.  The enemy mindset would not change especially fast, if all went well here.  52

Watching them across the room, Douvai tried connecting them to the dragon-riding figures she was so used to.  They looked smaller, less dangerous and less powerful.  In fact…the only way they stood out was due to their clothes and hair.  Put them in L’likos style, and no one would give them a second look.  The same blue-black hair, the same wide brown eyes, the same pale skin.  It was disconcerting.  53

She didn’t see Anamra anywhere.  The only female within the primary Bhodisten line, and the beauty of it.  She was introduced to her for a few brief moments before she was swept away by some diplomat, but could easily see why Taiahn would have abandoned everything he had for her.  54

She didn’t see Taiahn either.  Suspicion gathering, though who at she did not yet know, she started wandering around the sides, glancing out at the small porches designed for private talks and the small rooms for the same reason.  She saw and heard quite a few people, more often then not involved in some lover’s tryst.  55

Finally, she heard his voice from one of the porches.  She carefully pulled a gray drape aside to hear better, yet not disturb the scene more than she had to.  56

“Anamra, you don’t understand.” 57

“What’s not to understand?  I told you I’d find a way to have them accept it.  And now that I have, you don’t want it.  Because of her.” 58

“Not because of her.” 59

“You aren’t even married!”60

“We’re under a legal contract that binds us together for at least ten years.  The only way we can break it if we both agree that it is for the better.” 61

“Then get her to agree!”62

“No.  Even if she would, which I highly doubt, I won’t.  This is my life now, Ana.  I won’t change it, even for you.”  63

“Why?” 64

“Because even now, you don’t understand.” 65

“Understand what?” 66

“Everything!  The fact you thought, you truly thought, that you could come here after so long and expect everything to be the same.  That I would remained unchanged and accept you with open arms, after they tried to kill me.  After you tried to kill me.” 67

“That wasn’t me!” 68

“It was!  Four dragon-riders against me, and you were telling me not to kill them.”  69

“You could have killed them with one shot.” 70

“They could have killed me with one bite, and there were four.  I only survived because Douvai brought me to the Rhysidis, the healers.  I lost my name, my place for you.  Do you have any idea how much that hurts?  The only person who stood by me, had any faith at all, was Douvai.  I owe her everything, and she asks for absolutely nothing.” 71

Douvai figured she should be elated at this.   However, it just echoed.  /But I didn’t do anything./72

“There is nothing special about her.  You could find a thousand others, just the same, everywhere.” 73

“No, I can’t.  You are blind if you think that.” 74

“Look at her!”75

“Look beyond her. We are not the sum of our appearance.  Those with evil hearts do not always have ugly faces; those with good hearts are not always fair of appearance.”76

“I thought you loved me.  Still loved me.” 77

A sigh.  “I do.  You can never decide who you will fall in love with, and it’s not enough.  I love Douvai also, and more.  I chose her, and I choose her again.  I’m sorry.”  78

He was leaving.  Douvai, with reflexes all Scouts must have or they do not remain alive for very long, dove into an adjoining room and watched through the curtain as he briskly walked toward the throng of people, black braid swinging back and forth.  79

Anamra followed a few minutes later, head held high and sharp-heeled shoes tapping across the floor.  Douvai watched her walk to one of her brothers, the shortest of all of them, and they left.80

Douvai sighed and leaned against a wall, trying to process what she just overheard.  She wondered for a moment what other women would do in her place, then banished it.  She was not other women; her decisions would be her own.  81

She mostly wondered why he didn’t trust her enough to tell her this.  She saw that it was true before, and every time he talked about her.  Rare as that was, there was that change of tone, that wistful look in his eyes.  It would have been worst if he didn’t, in her opinion.  If one could just turn that off, it wasn’t worth the pain and suffering. 82

This room was a lot more peaceful that the main room.  She remained there for a long while, mostly thinking of what the overall plan for everything was.  There had to be a plan, some sense of order went far away enough to look at everything overall.  There had to be a reason she was still chosen by Bear, the teacher and nurturer, despite the fact that was of the Eagle’s House, that she no longer followed a path that would allow her to teach.  She had no child yet, nothing to nurture.    83

What was going to happen?  The simple idea was just that she would get pregnant and have a child, but why Bear?  Why not Mother Falcon?  Something was going to happen.  Something different.  Something bad?  84

“Douvai?”  Taiahn was looking through the curtain, a guarded expression on his face.  “You overheard.” 85

She nodded.  He could be angry, that she invaded his personal space and privacy like that, but that wasn’t really Taiahn’s way.  There were always exceptions, but she didn’t think that he was looking like he was so disconnected from everything because he was angry. 86

She stood to stand in front of him, staring at his brown eyes, the curve of hair that escaped the braid and swept across his face.  Placing her forehead against his, she smiled.  “People aren’t honored for how they feel.  They’re honored for what they chose.”  87

He hugged her, burying his face in her shoulder.  She gently rocked him back and forth, musing that, for once, she was the stronger one.  It didn’t happen often.  “Don’t you trust me?” 88

“Of course I do.  I just need a swift kick sometimes.” 89

“Then no worries.  Everything will turn out right in the end.”   90