I Walk In

I WALK IN: (Written November 12th,2007)  1

I walk in, look around and observe all their smiles.
They know I’ll stick around for just a short while.
They love me, sit beside me, laugh and adore.
I’m always more clever than I was before. 2

Everyone’s happy but they are ready to go.
It is a mutual relief; there is no ill will.
There is no need for more “goodbye, so and so.”3

A consensus of esteem is laid on me. I accept it
Time to take upon myself a most respectful exit.
No one admits I’m exposed, I’m weak; its notable, I reflect it.
I’ve made many wrong turns, knowing where I was headed.4

I’m strangling, I know, on my own empty air.
I can’t get beyond nominal sentiments to share.
I have less to say and I’ve finally found
I’m not so special, I’m not so profound.5

I am choking on Bullshit, mine more than others’
Pain is searing from my own recognition, my own half-trys
I admit my role in my fate; as for an attempt, I can make another.
I admit my undeniable wrong choices. I will still shoot for the sky6

It is almost impossible to understand oneself with any realism
I am a strange mixture of despair and optimism.
I feel my deep distrust, yet I won’t give up on redemption.7

I want to make sense of what I have become.
I crave to finally understand what I am.
I am hopeful for some miraculous outcome.
I am not aware, only my soul understands.8

This is my life… the only one I know.
I am taking my first step to raising my soul.
I will not fall victim to the back door’s temtping moan. 9

I feel my strength returning, though my skin is stll raw.
The life given me still leaves me in awe.10