You Snow Management Team

I was IT manager at a Pharmaceutical research lab for five years. One day at 5 in the morning I was called at home by an Italian security guard at the site reception.1

"Hello, Laurie Stefans?"2

"Yes?"3

"This is security at Windale Labs. You snow management team."4

"Pardon?"5

"This security. You snow management team."6

"I am Laurie Stefans and I do work there. But, did you say 'Snow Management Team'?" I repeated the words very slowly and carefully.7

"Yes, we have your name. You snow management team."8

"Err no. I'm the IT manager. What seems to be the problem?"9

"The tractor. It no start."10

"What?"11

"It snowing. The tractor no start."12

At this point I looked out my window, and there was indeed about 3 inches of snowfall and more on the way.13

"I'm sorry, I can't help. I run IT systems."14

"You come an' fix tractor."15

"No, I really can't help. You must need someone else."16

It kind of ended around then. Later that day I went into the gatehouse and spoke with security. When it snows, there's a tractor that the guards or gardeners use to clear the driveway before the staff start arriving (there are about 700 people working at the labs). They have a list of emergency contacts. The list was all the senior managers and about twenty of them had asterisks against their names. Below the list the asterisk appeared with the words "Snow Management Team." Immediately below that list the next entry was my name for any IT related calls.17

After that, I had them reorganise the list to be clearer. I didn't see a lot more of the Italian security guard.