I didn't look back as I headed to the tree where Kyle was hiding, but heard the water gently lapping against the bank as Quinn slid under the surface. Kyle had been watching anxiously and grabbed my shoulders, forcefully turning me around.1
"Kyle," I said briskly. ”What are you doing?" 2
"Making sure you are all there." He stopped when we came face to face.3
I was not happy with this over protectiveness. I almost slapped him as he searched my face. The only thing that stopped me was his genuine concern. If he didn't stop, those worry lines would become permanent before to long.4
“Kyle, stop! You were watching the whole time. Did you see anything like me getting bit?"5
He shook his head.6
“So stop."7
He stepped away and I turned back to the lake, looking for Quinn. The surface of the water was calm. I could see insect activity resume; a doe and fawn were drinking at the edge. Quinn was nowhere to be found. 8
Without turning, I said to Kyle, "Before we jump back to the Academy, we need to get our story straight. Tell me your thoughts. What did you see before you fell asleep and while Quinn and I were talking?"9
“Quinn?" he asked.10
This time I did turn. "Yes, Quinn."11
I started down the path we had made before. 12
"OK, Quinn, like your father?"13
I didn't reply, so he continued. "The first part is easy. I didn't see or hear anything unusual, just a normal scene. Bugs, animals, fish jumping, etc."14
"So, we can safely say Quinn hasn't disturbed this growing world?" I asked, glancing at him.15
He was watching his feet. This was the first time I'd notice he was kicking a rock. "Yeah, I'd say that," he responded.16
"And while we were talking?" I bent down to plucked up a daisy. I twirled its stem as I waited for his answer. Beneath my feet, I crushed pine needles sending up an acidic smell.17
He continued to kick at the rock as he thought. He stopped, rubbed his forehead a couple of times, then planted his fists on his hips. "I'm not sure I actually saw anything. You guys talked and all activity stopped. No insects, no animals and the birds were quiet. If I hadn't seen you breathing, I would have sworn you were dead."18
"So I didn't move? Or Quinn?"19
He shook his head.20
I started walking again, absorbing what he had said, if what Kyle had said was true, then this new animal was different. At least I thought Quinn was different. I'd have to do a little research when we returned to the Academy. If he was as harmless as I felt he was, why would all activity stop when he surfaced? How long could he be submerged? Would the lake hold enough food for him? Was he going to get larger? So much was unknown to me. I knew I'd be spending a lot of time in the second level library in the days to come.21
A warm, calloused hand stopped me in thought. "What are you thinking?" Kyle asked.22
I shrugged. The sun's warmth had dried my mouth and I licked chapped lips before replying, “Just that I'll be spending some time researching Quinn's heritage."23
"You mean, we will be?"24
I smiled enthusiastically; I knew I could rely on him. "Thank you my friend.” I reached up to touch his cheek but stopped before completing the gesture.25
Kyle's eyes saddened as he turned away from me.26
What was happening here? I had never thought of Kyle in any way other than a friend. Lately, though, my actions said otherwise. Did my heart know something my head was denying? I ran to catch up to him. "I'm sorry."27
"Let’s just get back," he interrupted gruffly.28
* * *29
A cool breeze ruffled Kyle's hair as he strode away from me. When we had jumped, he had grabbed my pack saying he would return with it tomorrow at the library. I didn't argue. I felt terrible as it was and I didn't think talking about it was going to do either of us any good.30
I dragged my feet through a gaggle of Second Years, without acknowledging any who said hello. I limply waved at the groundskeeper as I made my way to Mastercreator Ruben's study.31
I barely noticed the debris decorating the hallway and workspace as I entered in the room. Master Ruben was sitting behind his work desk, his eyes magnified by Masterinventor Niles' newest creation, glass that makes images clearer or bigger. Master Ruben was bent over a twig. It didn't look special, but that didn't mean it wasn't.32
I stood watching him turning the object over again and again. His long finger deftly examined every drip and groove.33
"Sabrina, you’ve returned. Please have a seat." Mastercreator Ruben gestured towards his sitting area. I should have known he knew I was there. I plopped down in an oversized chair near the lifeless fire. On the well-used table before me were some biscuits and fruit, along with a pitcher of water. I didn't wait to be offered some refreshment. The water was cool and wet on my chapped lips and dry throat. I didn't realize I was also hungry, but after biting into a biscuit I was suddenly starving.34
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Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Good as always. A little shorter than usual. I am really enjoying your tale. Happy creating.
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I like the romance that's building.
I hope it builds, anyhow...so there better be more between them. Not that I'm threatening you. 
I cannot wait to see what Mastercreator Ruben has to say to her.
I love the way you write, especially with descriptions and emotions. 
I noticed a few things:
1. You guys talked, [no comma] and all activity stopped. / If I hadn't seen you breathing [,] I would have sworn you were dead.
4. I started walking again, absorbing what he had said. If what Kyle had said was true, then this new animal was different. [can be combined because of the phrases “had said”]
8. I smiled enthusiastically [;] I knew I could rely on him.
9. Kyle [Kyle’s] eyes saddened as turned away from me.
10. I had never thought of Kyle in any way other then [than] a friend.
15. I barely noticed the debris decorating the hallway and workspace as I pushed in the room. [pushed in the room?] Master Ruben was sitting behind his work desk, his eyes magnified by Masterinventor Niles' newest creation, glass that makes images clearer or bigger, Master Ruben was bent over a twig. [would break this into two sentences]
17. On the well-used table before me was [were] some biscuits and fruit, along with a pitcher of water.
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Okay, I’m making it two today. Trying to get some group reading done.
As usual, you have a talent for fantasy. Your characters capture and hold onto the reader. I just love Quinn—of course his presence was limited in this chapter
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So Kyle wants there to be more between him and Sabrina—just like a man,
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Found a few things to look at:
Kyle eyes saddened as (he) turned away from me.9
What was happening here? I had never thought of Kyle in any way other then a friend. (with other I do believe you use than
. You might want to look it up.) Lately, though, my actions would say( said) otherwise.
Did my heart know something my head was denying? I ran to catch up. "I'm sorry."10( Kind of sounds like she ran to catch up with her head.) (Why not insert something. I ran to catch up with the others, or Kyle, or whomever.)
When we had jumped,(?) he had grabbed my pack saying he would return with it tomorrow at the library. (query? jumped where? )
I dragged my feet through a gaggle of second years,(Second Yearers if you mean sophomores) without acknowledging any who said hello. I limply waved at the groundskeeper’s (groundskeeper—or just s if it’s plural.)
So Sabrina's caught Kyle's problem
Geri
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Small stuff:
8. It needs a comma or period after enthusiastically
9. Kyle - Kyle's eyes saddened as 'he' turned away from me.
Wow, so not only can Sabrina and Quinn talk telepathically but time outside their link freezes when communicating? I remember there being movement from them both but Kyle saw nothing. Interesting. I wonder what Master Rubin will think of all this.
So Kyle's feelings for Sabrina have gone past friendship. Her's seem to be going that way as well but she's holding it back. Hmmm. Women!
And Rubin has a new toy. *laughs*
Let's see what he makes of Sabrina's discoveries.
Greg
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As usual, a neat little episode which is well written, with enough description and action to keep the reader (and mind) focused on events.
It's probably me, but I couldn't quite catch why Kyle was upset. Is it because Sabrina referred to him as just a friend?
Some little bits for you to consider:
p4 - sending (spending)
p9 - Kyle eyes saddened as turning away from me - there's something definitely wrong with this sentence: If I may suggest something as follows:
Kyle's eyes saddened as he turned away from me
p17 - On the (well-used) table
Still very interesting and a joy to read.
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Yes, Kyle is upset because Sabrina only thinks of him as a friend, but that is turning.
Glad you liked this one also and I've fixed those mistakes. Thanks for finding them.
Brooke
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Boy you know how to bring someone up just to send them crashing down. lol I feel so bad for Kyle..
I liked the line the twig didn't look special but that didn't mean it wasn't.
I didn't see any typo's but I'm not that great at catching grammer mistakes.. I thought it read smoothly.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks for continuing to read
Brooke
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