The Hero

My hands won’t stop shaking.1

Where is she?2

I heard her scream when the shot went off, but I was too busy to see where she was hiding.3

It hurt more than anything I’ve ever known. The searing hot metal, tearing through flesh, shattering bone.4

The man is gone now. Without the gun, he wasn’t willing to risk it one on one, even if I was hurt.5

Where did she go?6

I turn slowly, stumbling a bit.7

My chest doesn’t hurt anymore. That’s probably a bad sign. I must be going into shock. I need to hold it off just a little longer, just until I can make sure she’s okay.8

After that, I can lie down and wait for the ambulance. Or die. I’d rather it was the former, but as long as she is okay, I won’t complain.9

I stumble back to where we had been before the unwelcome visitor. One small foot is poking just past the corner of the little restaurant, shaking slightly.10

It was her favorite place to eat. The owner, a little French woman, always took care of us personally. They had been friends for years.11

I force myself into three more painful steps, feeling warmth filling my mouth and throat. The bullet must have hit a lung. That’s not good.12

Not to worry, though. Soon enough, I’ll be able to lie down next to her. She’ll take her hero’s head gently into her lap, and we’ll wait for the ambulance together. She’ll stroke my hair and tell me that I’m going to be okay, and I’ll believe her.13

I can see her, now.14

She isn’t cowering behind the building. She’s just sitting there, trembling, eyes clutched tight in pain.15

Her white dress, her favorite, isn’t white anymore.16

I can only stand there, my body starting to tremble more as I grow weaker, trying to comprehend this horror before me.17

There had only been one shot.18

I look down at my chest, seeing the proof that my own body had been the destination of the only bullet fired on this particular street on this particular night.19

No.20

I lift my right hand slowly, fighting to take control of failing muscles, and reach around to my back. When I bring it back to my face, it is covered in red.21

No.22

The hero is supposed to jump in front of the bullet to save his love. The bullet isn’t supposed to keep going right through him.23

Why did she ever love me? I can’t even stop a bullet for her.24

My eyes go to her. The hole in my chest and back escape my mind as I press my hand to her wounded body. She opens her eyes, barely seeing through the tears.25

I sit beside her, leaning against the brick building. It’s the only way I can stay upright.26

There are sirens growing louder.27

I lay her head in my lap, gently brushing her hair out of her tear-streaked face. I tell her that she’s going to be okay.28

Author notes

A dreary piece inspired by a slight tremble in my hand as I tried to run a finger over the cursor pad on my laptop. Thank you to the sudden drop in temperature.
As per the rules, "exploding chicken."
As per other rules, I prefer tea. This one has love and heartache, though much more of the latter. Whenever I try to write romance, it just comes out corny, and I'm single at the moment, so...

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Kelly-JayneCullen
    March 12
    Edit | Reply
    Made my eyes water.. Longer and I would of cried but this was great as it is.
    good job!
    =)


  • alb9137
    March 11
    Edit | Reply
    too short to bring on strong emotion. but good.


  • snoble
    March 10
    Edit | Reply
    not half bad. made me a little teary eyed. i like it

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • SoundInkMusic
    March 7
    Edit | Reply
    This stands out to me just as much as it did when I first read it. Don't have much to add to my earlier comment in terms of opinions, just wanted to let you know that this is definitely going on the finalists' list.

    Thank you for entering, and best of luck with the contest.


  • urbanronin88
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    A great, powerful write. One of the best I've read on storywrite so far. It was intensley powerful and suspenseful at the same time. This is what short stories should be. Short, to the point, yet nearly unforgettable.


  • SunshineDancer423
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    I liked it a lot. Very sad *flicks a tear away* [not really] but hey, you know..sad is good, though not a lot makes me cry. We may be 80% water but you can't get much out of me very easily.

    I have never cryed while reading a story, and I rarely do when I watch a movie, the only time I can remember crying during a movie is at the end of 'Somewhere in Time' IT IS SO SAD! :-{

    Well, I liked it. Keep it up!

    SD423


  • beezy92
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Aw. (: This is sweet. Almost melodramatic but just shying away from it. I absolutley love it though. (: Finalist list.

  • To Heart
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is interesting. It's written that, even though you have not written any kind of story leading up to this event, and that we do not read any kind of backstory regarding any of the characters, the emotion is portrayed in a stunningly tragic way. We feel the pain of the characters without even knowing who they are, let alone their names...

    Great job!


  • caitecola
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    Well, it definitely is filled with heartache. What's tragic about this piece is the way you wrote your character to feel every sensation and thought WHILE realizing all the pain and constant need to know she was well, and the realization that she had been hit as well. That's devastating. Powerful write. I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for entering!

  • fallinghero
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    Man, big bro, this was quite an introduction to your stuff. I loved the first person aspect. It broke my heart when he was thinking about her holding his head in her lap, then doing the same for her. Awesome.


  • Maggie Kay
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    Great work
    Emotion running threw it.
    I cant explan how im feeling
    Speechless
    all i can say is it is a great peace of work. one i wont forget any time soon
    well done

  • SoundInkMusic
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    Dreary indeed, but very well told. This is actually a scenario I've thought about many times - whether in books or film or theater, you rarely if ever see someone's attempt at saving another go awry. But surely it must happen, now and then...and here it does, to this unfortunate couple.

    Short and sweet, as the saying goes. I'm of the opinion that you can get at someone's heart just as well in 500 words as 1000, and you've certainly accomplished that here. I'm sure the grim irony of the last line is not lost upon anyone.

    Great work, as always.

1 - 13 of 13