Anne the Brave

Anne crept round the dank stone wall, her breath short and quick. Her gown was torn, her hair was loose and blown by the wind, her feet bare, and her face streaked with tears. She had come so far this dark, cold night. It seemed years and years past since she was at the grand ball, where she danced with the prince. 1

While Anne danced with the him, she kept her eyes on the floor,her face red with shame. The Prince did not know that he danced with the girl who had his foe, Sir Lance, safe in her guest room. She knew he had done no wrong, she knew that the Duke's charge was a lie, but she had no proof. She, who had sworn to be his wife, would clear his name.2

But things had gone so wrong--Anne had come home from the ball to find her house burned to the ground and learned from her maid that spies had found Sir Lance and he was in the most vile cell of the isle where the Prince shipped the worst of men. Anne knew that she would be next; that when the prince heard she had let him stay at her house and hide in her spare guest room, she too would be placed in that vile place. "NO!" she screamed to the moon. "All will be lost if I can't prove he is a good, true knight of the king! We will both die in the bowels of the earth if I can't clear him!"3

She was now a girl on the run, in the midst of the night, with no place to go, no friends to sooth her pain. And worst of all--those beasts had burned her house to teach her to not help the foes of the Prince, and she had been forced to run about the land in a pair of high heeled shoes that killed her feet. She thus had thrown them in a pond and now her feet were sore and scratched. 4

But Anne had at last reached the lair of the vile Duke whose lies has wrecked her life and her house and her feet. She did not know how, but she would trap the Duke in his own plot to throw down the Prince and rule by his own self. She knew that he had thrown blame on Sir Lance when it was him that was the foe of the Prince. She would prove it--it was the lone way she could clear the name of the one she loved.5

That was how she came to be in the place told at the start of this tale. She crept round the dank stone wall, her breath short and quick. She was close to the gate. Was it locked? No! What luck!6

Anne, who was a brave girl with lots of guts, climbed the vines that grew on the stone walls of that dark lair of the Duke's. As she climbed past a hole in the wall (you know what I mean) she saw a stack of plans to throw down the Prince and rule by his own self. She was right! The Duke was a jerk! (She has so much luck, I tell ya!!)7

Anne knew this was what would save her and her Sir Lance. As she crept through the hole and toward the stack of plans, she heard a step out in the hall. Quick as a rat she snatched the plans and made a run for it, but I am so sad to say that the vile Duke did grab her and turn her in to the Prince and no one would trust her word that the Duke was the real bad guy. I guess her luck ran out. (It's bad to put too much luck into a tale)8

Anne was shipped out to the vile isle where her loved Sir Lance was kept in a dark cell. As she passed his cell on the way to hers for life, she moaned "I tried!"9

Author notes

What do you think?

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • IceIceBaby
    March 20

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    Good story, but not or my contest. I mean I did really really like this, it's just not funny. Nice Job!

  • VariousSingularity
    March 7
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    P2: 'danced with the him'--You could do without 'the'.

    Ha! The high heels part killed me. Hilarious.

    The story itself is pretty good too. Though I have to say you could probably turn this into something else, something longer. But, as is, it's a good story.


  • Tricia3 gold member
    March 7

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    I think it's a very nice story, made even more so by being able to only use one syllable words. I don't think I would even attempt it.
    Good job and thanks for entering my contest.


  • angellove silver member
    March 7

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    This is a lovely story. I like stories about royalty and majesty. I also like the narrative intrusion you used to make little humorous interludes in the story.

    Only two 2-syllable words:
    about (para 4)
    into (para 8)

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 5.


  • Owen Aero
    March 3

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    First off, thanks for entering my contest, and good luck to you.
    This was a pretty good piece. It was interesting and you had a very good flow throughout.
    That being said, there is one observation I'd like to share. This seemed almost like a summary of a longer story. I've been seeing this a lot lately on this site. People have a good idea and a well-thought story, but when they write it out, it seems like they get excited or something, and they rush to get it all out before it escapes them. This piece is fine as is, don't get me wrong. I think if you go back, and really delve into some of the specifics, really explaining subtle twists in emotion and painting a complete picture for the reader, you could have a great piece of writing.
    As I said, good job, and thanks for entering.


  • Lady Kay
    February 28

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    Thank You

    Thanks for entering my contest. This story is a VERY good short story. I liked it. Just proofread your work and maybe it'll become something better.

    Your rating 92 out of 100
    Ratings might change. This is the last until the judging

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Lawrie gold member
    February 27

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    Hilarious!!

    This is really good
    I'm still chuckling merrily away as I type up this review
    Such a great story and a beaut of a twist at the end - magical

    I do have some suggestions though, some which need editing before the judge judges your story.

    p3 - can't is a contraction of cannot (two syllables) therefore I suggest 'do not' be used instead (in both places in this para)

    p3 - bowels (two syllables) - I suggest 'core'

    p5 - has = had

    p5 - wrecked her life and her house and her feet - may I suggest the following:

    wrecked her life, house and feet

    p7 - past = passed

    p8 - into (two syllables) - I suggest 'in one tale'

    This is a great piece of humour, my favourite lines being:

    (She has so much luck, tell ya)
    wrecked her life and her house and her feet
    passed a hole in the wall (you know what I mean)

    Great fun


  • Lawrie gold member
    February 27
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    Hilarious!!


  • Adelaine
    February 26

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    Good one.

    Woah. What a twist!

    Wonderful story.

    The first paragraph was nicely written. It was so descriptive, I could see Anne.

    Keep writing.

    - Adelaine

1 - 9 of 9