Sun's Fading, the Dark Moon is Coming


The air was cold, freezing you could say, the branches of the trees were moving and some leaves landed on the muddy ground. I was behind a big cold rock, where I could see easily yet without been seen. 1

Sometimes I could see some shadows moving, but I didn't alert the guys. I thought it was only a bird or some small animal. I was wrong. I stayed behind my rock, my eyelids slowly closing, knowing that the next morning I would be woken up by the shouts of lieutenant Brown. But it didn't happen. After some hours of sleep I woke up and looked around, I rubbed my eyes and focused on the space around me. It was still dark, but after some minutes I could see the familiar shapes of my comrades under their ponchos, sleeping. I stood up and something moved.2

I walked through the thick greenery, wondering if I would ever make it home. I was lost. I heard a twig snap, and my head whirled around, my eyes searching, only to find.......3

I didn't know what creature it was. It was something that I had never seen and probably I won't see again. It moved quickly, almost trying not to stop. It hanged on the trees, attentive. At a first look you would think it was a monkey, but after a more careful glance you could see it was different. The movements weren't ungainly and the body more slender. But the most interesting feature of this creature was its hair. It was long and curly.4

Fascinated by this, I made some steps toward this being. I stretched out my arm and tried to touch it, but it ran away. Contemporaneously, the sun rose and my companions started to grunt and woke up. I stood there with my arm extended toward nothing and asked myself if I had been dreaming. 5

I didn't tell anyone about this, fearing to be mocked. 6

The next day we marched deeper into the jungle and only after the sunset we stopped and prepared for the night. No one really spoke and I was too tired to start a conversation. So everyone wrapped himself in the poncho and tried to sleep in the narrow foxhole. But I couldn't, what happened last night was still in my mind and I knew that I would not find peace until I discovered who or what was that creature. 7

So I waited for everyone to be asleep and carefully walked away from the camp. I had to think. That body! And that hair! They could belong only to a human being, but who would live in this forest? My mind ran to the idea of a new Tarzan who lived in the forest of Vietnam. I laughed at myself, a bit ashamed by my stupidity. But then I heard a music. It came from the heart of the forest.8

First I walked toward it, then a bit more quickly. At the end I started to run without realizing.9

After some minutes I found myself in an open space where a a small crowd of people stood. In front of me there was a temple. A high, stone temple. I hid myself behind a tree but a voice came into my ears:10

“ I know where you are, I can see you.”11

This voice gave me a shiver, it was so unexpected....the voice of a girl!12

I stepped out from my cache, afraid of what I would find. My prediction was right. It was a girl.13

Her eyes where shining, the color of the jungle was in them, deep and concrete. I was hypnotized.14

“ Who are you?” I asked. Damn! My voice was trembling!15

She didn't answer, but she looked at me. Oh, my God! Those eyes could look in me. She was in my mind, looking at my deepest thoughts, things that I didn't share with anyone. For the first time in my life I felt vulnerable.16

But then, my attention came back to reality. I looked at her, her face was wild, as well as her hair. But something human was still in her. Or better, on her. A pink sweater and white shorts were the only signal that she had been civilized once. She was beautiful, but of a dangerous beauty. Like an untouchable Indian goddess. 17

She grabbed my hand and led me to the stairs of the temple. We walked slowly. The small crowd in front of us was watching solemnly, like in a ceremony. When she moved, she moved at the same rhythm of the wind. She was one thing with the jungle, she was the jungle. She was almost invisible, you could distinguish her only by her clothes, which were falling apart.18

The people started to sing. It was a tribal song, low but clear. It was a sound that went straight into your heart. 19

We entered the temple and she told me to sit down on the throne. I obeyed. She took off the crown from her head and lay it on mine. Then she said something I didn't understand and the people started to shout. They looked happy, I didn't know why. Then she bent toward me and said:20

“you are their king now.”she looked relieved. 21

Some of the people in the crowd came and took off my clothes. They gave them to the girl and then bent on their knees and kissed the floor in front of me. Ah, I liked this power!22

“ With a small sacrifice you'll have the control over these people,” she said23

“ it's a small price for this.”24

“ Yes, b-but, why me?” I asked.25

“ Because I want to go back.” Her voice was becoming begging26

“ Please! I can't hold it anymore!” She said, almost hysterically27

Then I heard a scream, I turned around. It was one of my companions. His hands and his foot were tied. Two strong men brought him in front of me.28

“ I leave this to you, please look after them!”29

All her majesty disappeared, transforming her to a young, desperate, ordinary woman. Her face became old and vulnerable, weak. She was no goddess anymore. She was simply a girl. A girl who wanted to go back.30

The two men took out a knife. I realized their intentions.31

“ No, no, please!” I screamed.32

“ I don't need this, I don't!”33

“ Please! do this for me!” she said34

“ I'm tired of killing and torture! I want to be normal! I want my old life!” she looked surprised from her own affirmation.35

I surrendered, I couldn't say no to such a desperate creature. And from that day on, I continued what she started. I became what she was, a killer, an assassin, a king.36

A contest entry

dark, emotional, weird, first person

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Farhan gold member
    November 16
    ?
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    Hello there!

    This was a very nice story but the twist, I must say that, was not very big. But still I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
    Happy Writing
    Farhan


  • Whipper Snapper silver member
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting story, and very weird. I like it. The only question I have is why do they kill? Why do they kill people? That would be a good thing to include. And you don't have to put a space between the quotation marks and the first word. It should look like, "I know where you are. I can see you." Same with every other sentence.

    Very good.


  • CinnaAgent11
    October 11
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that was unique. very strange too. Good job.


  • KrazywithaK
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written. A bit weird. Actually, quite a bit weird, but that's okay. You did a very good job with that, and good luck in my contest!


  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    September 17
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written. I enjoyed it. Thanks for entering and best of luck!


  • Cocoly Docolies
    September 15
    Edit | Reply
    GREAT STORY!!!! PLZ GO ON


  • An Empty World
    September 13
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering my contest! This was really descriptive.


  • CrystalFairyWings
    September 12

    Edit | Reply
    alright: You did not use my sentence. you were supposed to use my senten ce somewhere in the st ory. twas a good read, though. please use the sentence or i may not put you through to the finalists


  • BlackTide
    September 9

    Edit | Reply
    interesting hook


  • DewDrop
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    Very good and descriptive. You worte this pice wonderfuly, and left me wondering what was going to happen next. I was not interested in the biginning only because i though it was going to be about a war which is not something I am interested in, But then you changed it up and i didnt expect it, This was wonderful and i enjoyed readint it.

    Thanks for entering, and good luck.

    Dew


  • Loopy Lou 1998
    September 1
    Edit | Reply
    very good, love it. thanks for entering louise


  • lesbian-in-love
    August 30
    Edit | Reply
    This was really good. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • MusicOfTheNight9
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    ooooooo dark and scary ending i like it! great descriptions! i love the idea! thank you so much for entering and good luck in my contest!

    Kudos,
    CreaterSk8er


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    July 30
    Edit | Reply
    its over the word limit by 47 wds lol it doesnt matter, good luck tho


  • Blood Wolf
    July 29

    Edit | Reply
    This was very interesting. It was unique, and very well written. It keeps the reader interested very well. I enjoyed reading this, and thanks for entering!

    beginning: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 4.


  • WillyLee silver member
    July 19
    Edit | Reply
    I'm gonna tell you what I've had to tell almost everyone else: If you want me to read and comment on this, if you don't want me to DQ it, you must read and comply with the contest rules, and put in your author's notes the requested phrase. Feel free to message me or reply to this comment if you have any questions.


  • Lekos Memory
    June 14
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is pretty good. I never read anything quite like this before. So the girl was the creature that he saw the first night? Pretty good and a very nice ending to go with it. I'm not too sure what I would have done if I was in his situation. I'm adding this as a finalist.

    Thanks for entering this into my contest.

  • SilentMoonDance
    February 26

    Edit | Reply

    Nice...

    This really was an interesting story, I enjoyed reading it. It's great how you sent out subtle clues about some type of being in the jungle--At first, I thought it was some feral mutant monster of some sort. The soldiers foreign surroundings were impressively vivid and the whole concept was strangely luring...My favorite part was when the wild girl led him to their jungle kingdom. The end was totally crazy!

    There was great transition and your description of the savage-like, once-civilized people (especially the goddess-like girl) was very innovative.

     

    Good luck in my contest!

1 - 19 of 19