"Derick! What are you doing?" Melissa pushed him away just moments after he had kissed her. "You're my cousin!"1
"When really I'm not" Derick said, flushing as he looked away from her.2
When she saw the look on Derick's face, Melissa knew she had hurt Derick's feelings. She always thought of Derick as her cousin. In actual fact he was her cousin through marriage only. His father had been married to Melissa's aunt but they divorced years ago. 3
Melissa felt so confused. She was dating Ian and Derick knew that. He also knew there were problems between Melissa and Ian. She had been planning on breaking up with Ian anyway. His problem with drinking had been getting steadily worse and worse since they started dating. The last straw for Melissa was when Ian hit her during their last fight. Violence was something she was not about to put up with. Derick kissing her tonight felt like the straw that broke the camel's back. It threw her life into complete and utter turmoil. 4
Ian felt jealous and threatened by Melissa's relationship with Derick. They had a lot in common and they lived in the same house so it was kind of a good thing that they could stand each others presence.5
Melissa had tried for months now to convince Ian there was nothing going on between her and Derick. How was she going to convince Ian she had not been lying all this time? Worse yet, if she broke up with Ian and he found about about the kiss, he would never believe Derick did not have anything to do with her breaking up with him.6
All the next day Melissa watched the clock, anxious for the end of the day so she could go back home and talk with Derick. He left her room so suddenly last night and when she came down for breakfast, he had already left. She stared at the clock willing it to move faster to no avail. Why is it when you want the day to pass quickly it never does?7
When she got home from school, Derick wasn't there. 8
"He decided to go and live with his father for a while." Her Aunt informed her. Melissa could not help feel guilty. Derick was leaving because of her. She had to do something. She couldn't just let him leave without at least talking about what happened the night before.9
Melissa stifled the urge to burst into tear as she ran from the house to the bus depot. She hoped she would not be too late to catch Derick before he left. She wanted to make sure that things between them did not end on such a sour note. Most of all she did not want him just to run off without saying goodbye.10
Suddenly, the skies seemed to open up; the heavens themselves crying the tears that she was holding in. By the time Melissa made it to the bus depot, she was drenched. Just as she arrived, she saw a bus pulling out of the lot. She felt the tears start to flow down her cheeks. This felt like the worst day of her life.11
"Melissa?" Someone said behind her. Turning, she saw Derick behind her, standing by a bus just boarding. She let out a breath she had not realized she had been holding.12
"You were just going to leave without even saying goodbye?" Melissa asked him, through the tears.13
"What do you want me to say Melissa? I finally got the courage to let you know how I feel about you and you turned me down. We aren't cousins anymore but you still insist on calling me your cousin. Do you know how that makes me feel? I love you, Melissa and I know that you will never feel the same way about me as I do about you."14
"Please don't leave me Derick."15
"Why? Why would I want to stay?"16
Melissa ran to him. She threw her arms around him and kissed him. She felt Derick's arms wrap around her as they stood kissing in the rain for what seemed like an eternity. Finally they pulled apart, still in each others arms.17
"But I'm your cousin aren't I?" Derick smirked.18
"No. You aren't." Melissa smiled back at him.19
"What about Ian?" Derick asked apprehensively.20
"I still plan on breaking up with him. I just - " Melissa did not know how to put her thoughts into words. "Until I do, I want to keep this between us okay? You have nothing to do with my breaking up with Ian, but he'll never believe that - not if he finds out about this."21
Derick looked at her sadly. He felt like shouting from the rooftops that he loved her but he also knew Ian could be extremely jealous. He nodded thinking to himself he would have to save his rooftop shouting for another time. For now he had to make himself content with the fact that Melissa finally knew how he felt about her. 22
"Hey kid? You getting on the bus or not?" The gruff voiced driver yelled out.23
"Not," Derick said, not taking his eyes away from Melissa. The driver slammed the door shut and pulled out of the lot as they stood, still in each others arms. Melissa shivered not because she was soaking wet but because she was nervous about what Ian would do when he found out.24
THE END
Author notes
*I kissed a lion
**Catch of the Cliches - A blend of romance Cliches #1, 2, 7 (one of the characters is a cheerleader 
), 10, 14, and 17. I hope you enjoy.
***My favourite movie is "The Tenth Kingdom" it's a miniseries but I actually I have watched it straight through - all 9 hours of it
A contest entry
- LOTS AND LOTS OF OPTIONS CONTEST by FearedCries.
200 points, ended March 17, 27 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Day Without Waffles. by colormeimpressed.
325 points, ended March 23, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Weather by ariane faire.
150 points, ended April 6, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Welcome to my world by Vampiric souls.
350 points, ended March 21, 86 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Catch of the Clichés by Tiger-Lily.
400 points, ended May 11, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Contest! by To Heart.
225 points, ended March 26, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Lots of Love xx by Neolittlefish.
325 points, ended May 21, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Romance (song prompts/tons of options) by LivingDeadGirl56.
350 points, ended May 1, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes by HaydenLautner.
400 points, ended May 13, 51 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT ROMANCE!!!!!! by ManualLoveLetter.
175 points, ended May 8, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Kiss Me Fool!! by Bethany.
100 points, ended May 15, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
-
It was a little cliched, but well written. I liked it, but I don't get the part about them being cousins. *shivers*
Good job =] -
-
They were "cousins" at one time as her aunt was married to his father. So technically they are not related at all but she has referred to him as her cousin. This is part of a series I am working on that takes place at sometime further down in the series I just wanted to write it before I forgot about that plotline.
I am still unsure if it will stay as part of the cannon in the series when I finally get to that part of if it will stay the same. Will she choose him or her boyfriend? I'll decide when i get to that part and see if the character of the boyfriend changes or if he evolves into a nicer character
-
-
Hm...definitely interesting. I've read this before andcan't recall if I commented. I liked this overall, but it was like, just, standard cliche. Nothing that enticed me. Well-written nonetheless.
- HT -
-
It is cliche
It is part of a series I am working on and I kind of was trying to go for it that way. The series as a whole is not romance btu a mix on drama, comedy with some romance thrown in to even things out. The story is about a 14 year old cheer leader so I wanted to throw in some romantic elements for the MC.
The series a whole is not cliched (I hope not anyway) but the lead up to this is why I decided to make it cliched. If that makes any sense. It will when they get published.
-
-
This was really great. I really wanted a forbidden love story, and this definitely delivered it. So glad she stayed with Derick, i loved the kiss in the rain, so romatic and sweet. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
PS: Was this an one shot, or are there more chapters? -
-
Thank you
This at the moment is a one shot. It came about as a sub plot for a series that I am working on that mayo r may not occur until book 10 or later. Right now I am working on book 6. I am in the editing stage of the first book (which is books one and two combined, actually). When I get that finished I want to publish it through Lulu.com
-
-
This was a very solid read. Umm not much that stands out, but no complaints, either. I saw that you used the romance clishes haha, and that was a bit obvious, no offense. I did like some of your description, and I was very partial t the flow and the comfortability that you have with words. It's very precise and clean. Good job, good luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
-
-
I wanted it to be cliched in a way because of certain events in the series it is attached to. Basically by the time this happens I want the reader to say "FINALLY!!!"
Also the original relationship between Ian and Mel is not very stable due to certain factors with his character so I want the reader to be rooting for Derick and Mel because their relationship will be the more "perfect" in comparison.
-
-
Really sweet.
Loved it.
-
-
Thank you
-
-
Aw that was very sweet, I'm glad she went after him. I also like the way you made the ending happy but gave it a little cliffhanger with what Ian would do. Is this a sereis? Well done and thanks for entering my contest
Neo -
-
Yes this is from a series that I am working on called "The Pom Pom Diaries." This is an idea that I had that might come in farther down in the series. I am only on book 6 at the moment. I think this might be book 16 or around there. I am still not sure if I am going to use it for the characters as they are or work this into a sub plot with different characters. I am hopefully going to have the first book out in lulu.com soon. I just have to fill out some IRS tax forms first or the gov't will take 30% of my royalties (not being an american)
-
-
good!
-
-
Thanks. I used to stay away from writing romance because I wanted to write horror mainly but I have been finding lately that all my ideas turn into romance - why fight it ?
-
-
Awww this is really really cute!!! I love this story and it is so so sweet!! You have written this really really well!!!
Thank you so much for entering it!!!
~Souls!!
-
-
Thank you. This is from a series that I am workign on but haven't got to this point in the series yet. I just wanted to write it out before I for got it.
-
-
This is a good story. I like the conflict with the main character and how she was trying to decide what her heart wanted. I like stories like that - when sometimes the main character doesn't notice what is right in front of her. Good job. You had me interested in the story from the beginning. That you for posting to the reading list.
-
-
Thank you. I had the diea and wanted to write it out. When the final form is written it will have much more tensuion because of all the backstory that comes with it
-
-
I liked this it was sweet.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
thank you
-
-
it's good, but it's not exactly what i'm looking for. i like the emotion you put into it though. that was sweet.
-
I really do like this piece; a heart warming love story that has believable characters and true emotion! Good job. Some things to look at:
"When really I'm not(,)" Derick said, flushing as he looked away from her.
Melissa stifled the urge to burst into tear(s)
Melissa shivered(,) not because she was wet(,) but because she was nervous
Other than that, no big errors, just remember that in some sentences because 'but' is a conjunction you have to put a comma before it.
Great story again!
PR
-
-
thanks
-
-
Just going to say hi Annemarie.
Since I already commented on this romantic tale, it won't let me rate it again.
Good luck in those contests.
Geri
-
-
Thanks It's good to hear that people are reading it more than once
-
-
Even though this idea of cousins who aren't actual cousins dating is a bit cliche, I liked it. I don't think there is anything bad with a cliche as long as the reader makes the story their own. Good job here. It kept my attention from the very beginning. The two characters seemed down to earth and realistic. The flow was staged perfectly, not too fast for me or too slow. Keep up the great work!
-
-
The two characters are very well developed in my head because I have written 6 novels that deal with them and their friends. I am editing the first book in the series and doing a complete re-write on the second. I am planning on publishing the first and second books in one volume. I am debating as to whether to post the first book in entirety or just excerpts from both to promte it when I get it out for sale.
-
-
Oh, I see. Thats pretty awesome! I think if you do decide to publish then it will be worth your while. Good luck! I wish you lots of success!
-
-
-
Although the theme is a bit cliche' you adding originality to it. such as the cousins things. I wouldn't however, change it up a bit in the end, it's how every movie ends. Let it be happy, but make her work for it.
great job!
-
-
We will see how happy of an ending it is when Ian finds out about it I am thinking of making the next book in the series (where this is excerpted from) rather dark because I want to explore Ian's character.
-
-
I really like that idea, Ian sounds to be like he wouldn't let her go without a fight, and who knows who he think his oponet (SP?) will be.
-
-
-
It's a cute story. Pretty cliched, a little over done, very high school fiction. I had such high hopes when I saw the title. But it was cute.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
-
-
It is an excerpt from a series that I am working on. I am at book 6 right now and this is a plotlet that might work it's way into the storyline at some point. Then of course I have to see what Ian's reaction will be
-
-
This was a really nice story. Thanks for entering my contest.
-
-
Thank you
-
-
You've really got to love the heart-warmers. I know I do. Gawwwd, I'm a complete sucker for romance, and this one just tickled my fancy. I thought the fact that she had a boyfriend separated this story from the other short romance stories. I was definitely impressed that you packed so much information into a small amount of words, and did it in a way that the reader could understand what was going on.
Just some suggestions--you don't have a lot of sentence variety. Maybe throw in a rhetorical question here, a couple of dashes or commas there, and sprinkle in some paranthesis. It wasn't a huge problem, because there was a lot of dialogue (which keeps the plot moving along very quickly). Boy oh boy am I a big offender at that!
Also, dialogue is usually set up with a comma at the end, not a period. For example...
"Not(,)" Derick said, not taking his eyes away from Melissa. (24)
These are mistakes that are easily fixed, and other than that the story was perfectly delightful. I wouldn't mind if there was a second part either...maybe Ian breaks out into a jealous rage? Haha anywayyy, great job with this!
-
-
Eventually this will be a part of a series that I am working on. I have 6 books written and this is one of the subplots way down the line in book 16 I think. Yes - I have the entire series mapped out already I just have to write it. I had the idea and wanted to write it before I forgot how I wanted it to go.
And yes there will be repercussions ... I haven't decided what exactly Ian will do when the fit hits the shan - or more to the point Ian has not told me what he's going to do to Derick yet
-
-
WOW book 16!
And I'm gladdd that there's going to be another part to this--when it's posted (if it will be posted) message me, eh?
-
-
I will be posting a few short stories taken from the first book soon. I am rewriting it at the moment and plan to publish it through lulu.com soon.
-
-
-
-
Great Love story.
I finally got time to read and comment. Ok so, This was great, I like the imagiray (if that's evena word, my brain is fried from all the homework) and the plot was good.
When she turned around, she saw Derick standing behind her, about to board a bus that had just boarding.
That sentance had me puzzled The ending didn't make sense and it might just be me. And that was the only error I came across, other then that it was really good.
Great Job!
(KA)
Host
-
-
I tried to fix another problem and then forgot to add the word that I wanted to add XO. I will fix it - again
-
-
The plot moved right along, the dialogue sounded natural, and your characters were visible,
Good Morning Anne Marie, and thanks for sharing this delightful ‘Love Story’ with us.
You were able to generate a good amount of emotion in a short piece.
The plot moved right along, the dialogue sounded natural, and your characters were visible, so the reader could easily view the action.
Just a suggestion; you might want to take a second look at (had) it echoes when overused. Often it is not necessary to carry the sentence—so read the paragraph out loud and you’ll see what I mean.
A few things to look at;
She wanted to make sure that things between them( what? not a complete thought.) but (But) most of all she did not want him just to run off without saying goodbye.9
. Finally they pulled apart, still in each other(‘ s arms.17
Geri
-
-
Lol I just noticed the sentence fragment. It had been been fixed. I think that was when my cats had ambushed me and forced me into the kitchen to feed them
I do over use the word HAD, THAT and HAD BEEN. I find them everywhere.
-
-
Very well written
I really liked this. It was very well written. I found a few small mistakes, but nothing serious. I enjoyed reading this.
Trish
#6 found out about [about] the kiss
Leave out one about
#9 She wanted to make sure that things between them, but most of all
Read it aloud something is missing
#12 about to board a bus that [had] just boarding. should be was
-
-
I thought I had responded to this .. hmmm I fixed the extra ABOUT. The editing box split the line in two and I did not notice until you pointed it out that the word had been repeated. Thank you
and I fixed that sentence fragment. My cat jumped on my lap when I was writing this. In my head I finished the sentence but I got distracted
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 45 of 45
