A Lover's Revenge

I awoke with a start. My heart racing, pulse pounding and my damp hair stuck to the back of my neck. Unsure what had woken me I let my head drop back to the pillow before letting out a sigh of frustration. I brushed my long damp hair back off my face before reaching out for my soon to be husband and finding nothing but tangled sheets. Frowning thoughtfully, I lifted my head and turned to where he should've lay. Sitting up I let my eyes wash over the dimly lit room before letting out a sigh of relief as I saw the light coming from the partially open bathroom door. Rubbing my tired eyes with trembling finterips I let out a tired sigh of relef as the sudden realisation that I was scared hit me. Not just scared but terrified and I had no idea why. 1

"Becca? You awake?" 2

"Yeah." Hearing his voice did nothing for the sense of unease that had settled over me. Perhaps I have cold feet, I hear that's common in brides to be but nobody told me it could be this bad. My voice shook as I spoke but I forced a smile to remain on my tremulous lips as he stepped out of the bathroom. "Finished?"3

"What's wrong?" 4

I couldn't help but laugh at the quizzical expression on his handsome features as he swiftly moved to my side. "Nothing, Joe I'm fine...really." My words had no affect on his expression and his big gentle hands caressed my trembling arms as we stared into each others eyes. 5

"Then why are you trembling, huh?" 6

"I just had some silly dream. I'm fine. We're gonna be late." I hated lying to him but I didn't even know what was wrong with me and there was no need to worry him. Pressing my lips to his in a soft lingering kiss, I gave him what was meant to be a reassuring hug. Struggling to contain my raging emotions I stood and smiled down at him before gently running my fingers through his tousled hair. 7

"Hey!" 8

As I went to walk away, Joe caught my hand in his own and curled his fingers around mine before pressing his lips to my palm. 9

"In case I forget...I love you." 10

His playful wink caused a genuine smile to play on his lips. He never forgot. "I love you too." Gently shaking my head, I made my way into the bathroom and closed the door behind me before swallowing thickly. My reflection was nothing to brag about, pale skin, tear streaked cheeks and to make it worse damp bed head. 11

I made my way towards the sink and gripped it with both hands as a wave of nausea washed over me causing my knees to tremble. The room was spinning, tilting at dangerous angles and my vision blurred. Struggling to stay upright I made my way to the toilet before skidding to my knees and wretching violently. I remained on the cold bathroom floor until my body had stopped it's trembling and a sense of normalcy had once more taken hold. I took a deep shuddering breath and forced myself to my feet before bracing myself to get ready for the long day ahead.12

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I felt physically better after my scolding hot shower but as we left the house and stepped out into the cool morning air I still felt emotionally fragile. Joe had cooked me breakfast made sure I ate it all and even made me fresh squeezed orange juice. It was a rare occasion when we got to eat breakfast together. Normally he was eating the toast I had made for myself on his way out the door as he mumbled goodbye. I didn't mind that he always stole my toast or that sometimes he wasn't there when I woke up. He made me laugh and he loved me, even loved my dysfunctional family. Unfortunately the same couldn't be said for my father who hated Joe with a passion. It wasn't suprising really since their jobs often caused them to clash. 14

The weight of his arm around my slender shoulders pulled me from my thoughts and I found myself staring up into his deep dark concerned eyes. 15

"You sure you're okay?" 16

My answer was nothing more than a smile as I let my head fall against his shoulder and ran the palm of my hand down over his solid muscular chest. Swallowing thickly, I pulled the car keys from my pocket and handed them to him as we approached the four door saloon. The cheeky smile on his face showed he knew what I was thinking. It was another of his many quirks. Always leaving the house and forgetting the car keys or the house keys. He could be such a flake at a times. 17

"What would I do without you huh?"18

His lips brushed lightly against her forehead as he slowly slipped away from her and moved around to the drivers side of the car. Gently shaking her head, she pulled open the passenger door before looking over at him and smiling as he gave her a playful wink. 19

Her smile quickly faded as she saw his expression begin to change and heard the beginning of the warning on his lips. An instant later she realised why as she was grabbed from behind and violently pulled away from the car. A startled cry escaped her parted lips as the black truck squealed to a halt and the gun appeared in the window. 20

"Joe!" Hearing the loud gun shot I closed my eyes afraid of what I would see. My breath left me a moment later as I was suddenly let go and found myself in a tangled mess on the concrete. Another scream was torn from my throat as a masked man fell to the floor beside me. Looking down at him, I found myself staring into cold blue eyes and the sudden realisation of what was happened hit me so hard my mind didn't have time to understand it. Hearing the loud grunt, I looked up to see Joe fall to the floor as two big men covered from head to toe in black grabbed him. "Stop! Please!" I quickly jumped to my feet and tried to intervene. Joe continued to struggle thinking he was fighting to protect me but he was no match for either of them and neither was I. They ignored the blows I threw to their backs, their heads. Ignored the kicks I planted on their legs. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I felt the spray of blood against my skin and saw the man I loved fall to the concrete crumpled and defeated. Outmanned but still struggling to get up. In an instant I saw the two men draw their guns and I quickly moved shielding Joe's battered and bloodied body with my own. "No! Please..." Pleading, I stared up at the two men before swallowing thickly as I held tightly onto Joe's blood covered body. The pain in his croaky voice broke through my panic as I heard the quiet urgency in his words.21

"Becca...Go. Get out of here. Now." 22

He was trying to push me away but I shook my head adamantly. I couldn't leave him. I couldn't let them kill him. "I won't leave you." 23

I felt the hands grab me from behind and I struggled to hold on with everything I had. The pain that shot through me as they began kicking at my fingers and pulling my hair was overwhelming but I couldn't let them shoot him. I couldn't let him die. I had no choice.24

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I wasn't sure how long I had lain there but it couldn't have been long. The sound of sirens in the distance reached my ears and I moaned as I let my aching eyes flicker open. There was a metallic taste in my mouth. Blood. Coughing, I turned my head to the side and swallowed thickly as I caught site of him. His face was covered in blood, his eyes closed. He wasn't moving. Silent tears streamed down my face and my body protested as I struggled to move. I could barely move my legs as I used my arms to drag myself towards him. "Joe...Joe please...Open your eyes." I placed my trembling bloody hand on his shoulder and shook him. Nothing. I shook him again, harder, As hard as I could. "Joe! Goddamn you wake up!" Yelling at him, I struggled to hold back the tears as I felt a hollow emptiness within the pit of my stomach. "Don't you leave me. Don't you dare leave me." Giving in to the stabbing pain in my chest I closed my eyes and hit him with all the strength I had left. "Don't leave me!" Screaming, I hit him once more before letting my eyes open as I heard the sharp intake of breath. His bruised eyes flickered open and I gently wiped the blood away. I could barely catch my breath I was so happy. "Oh thank you. Thank you God." My relief didn't last for long. His big strong hand caught him and he stared up at me for what seemed the longest moment. His lips moved but there was too much blood and he began to choke. "Don't try to talk. I can hear the sirens they're almost here." But he didn't listen. He was trying to tell me something but he kept coughing and more blood kept sputtering out. "Please..." I ran my fingers through his hair and swallowed thickly as I saw him cringe in pain and felt his hand slip from mine. In his eyes I knew exactly what he was trying to say but I could barely form the words as his eyes rolled and closed. I heard the last rattling breath leave his body before breaking down into tears as I let my head fall to his chest. His heartbeat stayed silent, his pulse still. "I...love you...too." My trembling fingertips gripped his blood soaked shirt as I pressed my lips to the side of his throat. I couldn't hold him tightly enough. I kept losing my grip on his blood soaked skin. I wanted to keep him with me but suddenly there were hands pulling at me once more. A strange voice telling me it was okay. I struggled against it. Tried to hold him. Protect him as I should've done. But suddenly I felt sick, dizzy and my vision blurred until I was pulled down into a numb unconsciousness. 26

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He often used to ask what he'd do without me but not once did he stop to ask what I would do without him. But that's what it's come down too. These past few days have been a blur. Joe is gone and buried and I'm sitting here in the living room we once shared. His friends and family are talking with the guests, his colleagues. They all told me how sorry they were, how if I needdd anything they're here for me. But how can they understand. They weren't there. They didn't see. For them, he's still the same old Joe. Cheeky, smiling, handsome. But I keep seeing him lying there, struggling to talk. I'd barely had a scratch on me but the hospital had insisted I stayed over night. They wouldn't even let me see him. The house seemed so empty now. His stuff was still where he had left it but he's gone and I can't quite believe that he's never coming back. My eyes feel scratchy and dry. I can't seem to cry not since that day, not since I lost him. I feel nothing only a horrible numbness and for that I feel truly lost. I should be devestated, screaming at the top of my lungs for him to come back, crying because he's no longer here. 28

The loud ringing of the phone beside me causes me to jump, panic rises inside me. Swallowing thickly I reach for it and groggily answer. I can hear the person on the other end of line but their words cause my mind to drift. I can feel an unsettling sensation in the pit of my stomach and my body feels like it's on fire. My fingers tremble as I lower the phone and hazily get to my feet. Almost dazedly I make the way through the house up to the bedroom and let my eyes scan the room as if i've never seen it before. I'm not sure what I'm looking for but I'm suddenly drawn to the closet. Moving the clothes aside, I type in the four digit code on the safe and pull the cold metallic gun out. Staring at it I have no idea why I want it, no idea why I'm holding it in my hands but it feels good. It feels right. A wave of anger so strong I dig my nails into the palm of my hand washes over me. A blood red haze covers my eyes and I see Joe. His lifeless body lying there distorted by his own blood. Making my way back through the house I move past the lingering guests at his wake, his colleagues, try to tell me again they're here for me, that they'll find this guy no matter how long it takes. There lips are moving but I can't make out the words they're seeing although I already know, my ears are filled with the sound of that fatal gunshot. 29

Suddenly, I'm sitting behind the wheel of my car. My car is stopped at the top of the long gravel drive. The keys are between my violently trembling fingers. I don't remember getting here, no other cars I must've met, no stop signs or red lights. Still dazed I slip out of the car and grab my handbag. My knees are shaking and there is still a film of red distorting my vision. After making my way up to the house I step through the open door and am hit with a sudden clarity so clear and so vivid that I'm filled with a fire I had never felt. Purposefully I stride across the wooden floor towards the only closed door and angrily grabbed the doorknob. I throw it open and it forecefully hits the wall with a loud bang reminding me of that day. His face. 30

"What the..." The man behind the desk stands his face round and puffy. He looks startled. Good. I step into the room and casually reach into my handbag. 31

"What is the meaning of this?" 32

I feel the cold grip of the gun beneath my fingertips and withdraw it. The sudden realisation travels over his face and isntantly I can see in his eyes, he is afraid. I'm glad of it. He opens his mouth, he's speaking but his voice seems far away. No matter, he means nothing to me. He is the man who ordered my Joe dead. He sent those men after us. After him. Had those men beat and shoot my Joe. The man I loved. I no longer care what happens to me. This man deserves to die. And I will be the person to pull the trigger. I hate this man. I hate him for taking my Joe away. "I hate you!" 33

I didn't realise I was screaming, didn't even realise I'd pulled the trigger or hear the loud shot echo around the study. Breathing heavily I let the gun fall from my fingers before reaching down and placing my hand over my stomach where our baby grew. Mine and Joes. On the phone I hadn't really heard what the doctor had said but suddenly they had sunk in. I was going to be a mother. A single parent. Placing both hands over my belly I moved towards the desk and looked down at him as he lay on the floor gasping for breath. The red pool of blood spread over his shirt and tears glistened in his eyes. It wasn't until she saw his lips moving that she realised he was speaking. Frowning thoughtfully, she looked down at him. A cold quizzical expression on her face as indifference suddnely replaced her anger. "You took everything from me." 34

"I'm...I'm sorry. I only wanted to protect you from him." 35

"But he died thinking he was protecting me. He was protecting me from you. Wasn't he father?" Screaming angrily, she grabbed the nearest object and brought it down hard on his head. Over and over again until she stood breathing heavily covered in his blood. The object, a statue, an award she had given him one father's day for best dad fell from my fingers and hit the floor with a thud. I moved to the chair my father had occupied only moments ago and slumped down. Staring down at his now lifeless body I feel the tears well up in my eyes. Tears for Joe, for my baby and for my father whom I just killed. I am not crying tears of sorrow for my father however. I am crying because I once loved a man who dedicated his life to hurting people. And he had hurt me. By taking away the one person who truly understood me and accepted who I was. Raising my hands to my face I sob uncontrollably wishing only to talk to Joe. She should be feeling guilty but Joe's colleagues no matter how good their intention would never have been able to catch her father. Her revenge was empty and hollow, it did not bring Joe back. Did not change the fact that he was gone forever and she was alone apart from her baby who now had a murderer for a mother. Taking a deep shuddering breath I pulled myself to my feet. I picked up the father's day statue, the gun and deposited them in my bag. I walked out of the house I grew up in without looking back. 36