number 6. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.1

Hi. My name is Kale. Im going to tell you the story of my life. Believe it, or not.2

I was 14. Life was pretty much hell. I was home with my 17 year old brother. I was trying to watch t.v but my brother and his girl-friend were making to much noise upstairs, if you know what I mean. I told them to be quiet at least a hundred times, do you think it worked. No. My mom was god knows where, and my dad, lets just say he wasn't really part of our life. You see, when I was 10, he left mom a note saying that our life was in danger if he stayed. Mom and my brother said that it was just and excuse to get out of the house and leave us for good. I always belived that it was something more than that. On the back of the note there was a number, a strange number. It was the number 6. When I asked mom what she thought dad meant about us being in danger, she said it was nothing. She said not to worry, your just a little girl. I remember that day. It was the day we found our dog on our back porch. He was dead. It looked like he was cut with a knife, and mom said that he probably just crawled under our fence and got caught. My brother just shrugged it of and went into his room. Mom got the neigbor to but the dog in a bag and throw him out. I didn't just shrug it of, because I had two questions. If the dog got caught under or fence and stabbed like that, how did he end up on our back porch. And why did it look like the number six was carved into his side?3

Author notes

Hope you like it, its gets better but I want to know what you think of chapter 1?

What do you think of it so far? Should I do a chapter 2..?

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Tricia3 gold member
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    #3 Do you think it worked?
    just [and] excuse should be an
    [your] just a little girl should be you're
    You've got the start of a very interesting story here and I really like it. I will read the next part.
    You have just a few small errors, but I'm sure if you read over it slowly, you would spot them all

    Tris


    • berryhot2
      April 19
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you!

      Thank you for pointing these mistakes out!!
      But I'm not sure how I can edit my story...but I'll figure it out!
      Thanks again.

      • Tricia3 gold member
        April 19
        Edit | Reply

        I'm sorry if I did not make my changes clear

        I'll try again, because I can see a very interesting story developing here. I will make the corrections I think would help and send you an instant message.
        Trish


  • ember-awesome
    February 27

    Edit | Reply

    I Love it

    Its so good, this is ember from yahoo. It has suspense and good details and I want to read more. good job Berryhot2

    beginning: 2, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 5, characters: 2.


  • Alice Cullen XD
    February 25
    Edit | Reply
    Awsome! keep up dah good work!

  • Non Paix
    February 25
    Edit | Reply
    It was not bad...Could definetly use a lot more detail though. Rather than asking questions, such as in your last line, you should make it a bit more mysterious...perhaps "I noticed what looked like a 6 carved into his side, and could only ask myself what it meant.." Anything...it is kind of plain as is.

    It was not all too bad, just could use some revision.

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