Deviously greedy
Among the broken hearted
You Feast on corpses
Others have discarded1
Predatory warfare
You rise from the fire
Princess of darkness
On the wings of desire2
Iridescent black
Lustrous sheen of metal
Violet feather armour
You’re my fallen angel3
Seductively spanning
Your wings for the flight
Do you punish or promote
This courtship of the night4
My aura is angelic
You feast upon my soul
I hunger for your darkness
As you devour me whole5
Author notes
The raven is symbolic of a fallen angel. The dark, lusty sinful one that draws and devours innocence. (I actually had someone in mind while I wrote this *blushes)
A contest entry
- Poems, poems, and more poems... by Keirii.
130 points, ended March 1, 56 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Feathers of Araboth by Mag the Chodja.
350 points, ended April 23, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
Wow! I can't believe I hadn't got to read this until now. I love this. The flow has this incredibly dark, seductive feel to it. The description are so realistic. Great job on getting a trophy for this one
~Joann
-
-
Thank you kindly for reading and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
-
-
I am aroused. Yeah. You read that right.
Deliciously portrayed, and beautifully written. The flow and melody were spot on, though at some parts you had an extra syllable that threw off the line (at least for me).
I love the way you described the fallen, leaving it open for interpretation as to what it was until you mentioned that it was a fallen angel. I can't think of anything that you should do to it to make it better.
Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck. ^^
-
Wow...this is amazing! The rhyme scheme alone is enthralling, moving me to new heights, then you have the story...the descriptions...
I like that this piece can be seen in many different ways, from the darker side where we see a creature truly feasting on corpses; to the somewhat lighter (though not much lighter) side of love, which is how I saw it. Exceptional piece you have here! Of course you won a trophy!
-
-
Thank you for reading and your lovely comment. I really got into writing this piece. I was inspired by a picture. Please accept my apology for such a late reply.
-
-
nice, deep, dark, thought provoking, and about ravens! Absolutely wonderful! It was easy to read and follow, plus it had good rhyme and meter. Nice work!
-
-
Thank you for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sorry for such a late reply
-
-
w . . ?
W. O. W. wow this is like . . . .wow xxx
beginning: 5, ending: 5.
-
-
Thanks for reading and commenting!!! Glad you enjoyed it. Sorry for such a late reply.
-
-
Lovely
Each stanza deals with a different aspect of your chosen subject, which leads your reader on through the peice smoothly and easily, then you relate it to yourslef in the final few lines ~ a nice touch.
An enjoyable and emotive piece of writing. Well done.
-
-
Thank you very much for reading and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Please forgive my tardy reply.
-
-
WOW!!! The words created such a vivid picture in my mind of a raven...That was very good. Bravo and never stop writing ;-)
-
-
Thanks. I really enjoyed writing this piece. Sorry for such a late reply.
-
-
Here we go!!!
Now there's some creativity,
and there's not a bunch about people dying
or people breaking up,...etc.
I seriously loved this.
I don't mind romance,
but it just doesn't work the
way some people do it.
And you have some amazing lines
in this such as "violet feather
armour".
That line in itself is extemely
creative, and you used your
creativity well
Great job with this!!!
And good luck in the contest.
-
-
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. I really fell asleep at the wheel on my replies. Please forgive me.
-
-
Magnificent as usual. This entire piece is brilliantly written and your usage of words masterful. But this...
My aura is angelic
You feast upon my soul
I hunger for your darkness
As you devour me whole
...brought the whole piece together and breathed nefarious life into it.
This is honestly the best poem I have read in a very long time.
-
-
I humbly thank you for the kinds words. Forgive my tardy reply.
-
-
Nice...
This was really dark, yet poetic and eerily done. I love the whole feel and subject of this poem: Having a burden consume your entire soul...entire being.
The imagery was great as well, and helped paint a vivid emotion throughout this piece.
My favorite part--The strongest part of this poem was:
You’re my fallen angel
Seductively spanning
Your wings for the flight
Do you punish or promote
This courtship of the night
That's stunning description. Great use of words! This had smooth transition and I didn't seem to find any awkward parts. Keep up the great writing!
(I'd give applause, but I'm saving up for contest. SORRY)
-
-
Thank you very much for your support. I'm glad you liked it. I am terribly sorry for such a late reply. Smacks self in head!!!
-
-
one word... WOW! good luck in the contest, this is seriously wicked
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
