Incomplete

I screamed. My heart pounded and my ears throbbed as tears streamed down my cheeks. I choked back a sob, clamping a hand over my mouth as the tears continued in a river of their own will. Each escape brought the nightmare closer, each moment more realistic than the next.  I felt him in every crevice of my existence, I felt him touch me this time. I shook my head and wiped away the tears, forcing my shaking nerves to leave the bed and walk to the balcony.  1

My hands clutched the balcony until ice formed and cracked underneath my fingertips as my knuckles turned ghastly white. The wind blew a warm rush on the cold sweat against my neck. I felt like I was burning alive in silent torture. Every moment with his face in my mind brought loneliness, and each moment without him brought absolute hell. I felt as dead as him.2

I slammed my fists on the balcony and felt it cracking under the force, but it meant nothing compared to the tears that coursed down my face. Cold ice formed under my grip as my knees gave out, dropping to the ground. I was a barren wasteland of ice, lost in a world of fire, earth, and light. The lost element, the lost member of all society, and most significantly, the one person who wanted to be away from the castles and the crowns. All the ice princess wanted was her father. 3

Every castle held a haunting nightmare waiting to unlock the last days of his life, the last days of my life. I grew up without him, and every lack of him consumed me. I choked back another sob, wrapping my arms tightly together against the heat, trying to cool myself with my own blood… his blood. I knew my attempts would fail, he was gone, and I rested in Asharna, the land of Fire Sorcery. In the land of heat, there was no cold.4

“Oh Da…” I whispered, sitting so my knees curled against my chest, burying my head in my arms and crying hysterically. Salty tears stung my lips until my eyes were too sore to cry anymore. I brushed the remnants of pain away and looked up to the sky, staring at the stars as they scattered across the black abyss. Father used to say all our family that died in the great wars lived in the stars, watching, and that every cool breeze was the love they shared with us in the darkest of nights. The stars and lights around the castle illuminated everything for miles, but each movement seemed to be a step further into another dungeon. 5

My heiress… I felt ice for a moment, whispering in my ears as a cold breeze rushed by. Cold like his touch, calming to my skin. The coldest relief on a scorching summer day I always wished for, yet the perfect warm to love ice with. He knew what I needed, no matter what occasion. Father was the silent, stone cold I lived by. 6

My darling Andra… I stopped as the cold breeze raced by again. I felt his arms around me in an embrace: tender, cool, and radiating a love I lacked for eight years. The love of ice and the love of home came once again, and tears stung my eyes as I reached to touch him, finding myself alone. 7

“Da!” I screamed, scrambling up only to lose my balance, toppling over the stone that made the balcony. I let out a yelp in surprize, grabbing the drapes and cringing at the ripping sound they responded with.8

Then a hand and strong arms pulled me up and into a stifling embrace. “Bloody hell Andra, don’t scare me like that!” 9

I lost all sense of words as my mind tore down into misery. He was there for a moment, but the moment vanished. All that was left were his amethyst eyes in my mind, and the emptiness they gave me. I felt my knees locking under the shock again, and Alcander picked me up to carry me to bed. 10

“This way Alcander, there’s no use getting her to sleep, she’ll have another nightmare. Let’s just get some tea.” Aliya’s voice said, her hand stroking my hair. She was soft and tender, but her skin was too warm to be his. 11

They helped me sit down at the table in the hall, pouring the tea and placing it in front of me, drinking their own as if their lives depended on it. I could only stare at the steaming liquid, empty of all desire to drink. I wanted to die, to be alone, to find some sort of completion. A cup of tea was not the cure. 12

“Andra, do something… please.” Alcander pleaded, taking my hand. 13

I shook my head, pulling away and shoving the tea from my vision. “Why should I? Life is too empty to bother.” I looked up for a moment, sighing. “Besides, the weather is too hot for tea.” I shrugged, looking away.14

“The nightmare, was it about Demetrius again?” Aliya asked softly.15

I closed my eyes, fighting the tears from coming again. “I felt him... I felt his touch.”16

“How did that make you feel?” Aliya asked, taking another sip of her drink, the cup tinkling against the saucer. I knew her every move, just as I remembered his.17

“I felt whole then, now I feel incomplete.”18

I felt her chair being moved away, then footsteps. Alcander and I sat alone. He turned my face slightly, just enough to meet his eyes. “Andra, you have the rest of eternity to look to. You can’t stay in the past for one person. There’s a life waiting for you right here, a whole kingdom lacking the ruler it needs. You have to come out of this shell.” He insisted.19

I pulled away, standing up. “What is there left to me? A kingdom run by some chauvinistic pig, left to torture by the girl who lacked the courage to take it? Who still does? I never needed courage with him near. I never learned how to survive alone, how to lead everyone the way he did… he never lived long enough to teach me. I can never rule the kingdom; I lack the knowledge how. I only know how to fight, Icandia will never need me.” 20

“But they do! They need their blood ruler to take over the kingdom so that peace can reign between all the realms! Every shred of solid existence between these realms rests on you and whether or not you take the throne and regain what belongs to you! What your father wanted to give you!” Alcander argued. 21

Fury flashed within me and I slammed my fist on the table, glaring at him, cold rising inside. “He told me to take back what the Orcs took! They took his life and they took mine! How do you propose I get that back, just by going back and sitting on the throne and pretending nothing ever happened? Doing that is failing him! The kingdom lost their pride, their power, those are things I will never have! Do you not understand? They lost the same thing as me, they lost him!” I shouted, turning to hide my face as tears tried to come again. “I lost everything when I lost him…” I whispered, closing my eyes to shut out the rising heat. I missed Icandia’s cold.22

I felt a cool touch on my arm and I opened my eyes. Linali stood beside me, her eyes brimming with tears. “You didn’t lose everything. You still have me.” 23

“You feel like him.” I whispered, taking her hand and putting it on my cheek in disbelief. 24

“For one that used to complain I was warm, that suprizes me. Then again, you’re practically boiling. How long has she felt this warm?” Linali asked, taking my hand and feeling my forehead.25

“Since we found her, I thought it was the nightmare.” Aliya said.26

“No, we need to find her a cooler place. VK, let’s go home.” Linali said, shaking her head.27

I felt something inside, fear, hope, perhaps even relief. The emotion seemed unsure. I nodded my head. Whatever the emotion was, I wanted more. 28