Shattered Part one

As I looked at him from afar, his smile,his expression imprinted in my mind. Never did I think that I would have the chance to be close to him.Nor did I think that something would remind us of each other always. I did not think that his smile and expression would also be imprinted on my heart. A heart that has been shattered to pieces,rebuilt and shattered again.1

Five months later I was in his arms. We cared about each other. He cared about me. He made me feel like I was on top of the world. He was heaven sent or so I thought. Falling in love is easier then falling out of love. I know this today. Even the lies and deception didn't make me fall out of love with him. But then again can you ever fall completely out of love. Everyone you have ever loved or came close to loving owns a piece of your heart.2

I found out about her in the worst way possible. Just days after last being with him. I was sitting in the crowded university bar with two close friends. My friends and I were sitting in a booth  and conversation turned to the subject of him. The friend sitting across from me mentioned how she had heard people on our floor talking about me and him and how he had a girlfriend. And that I had been lying about him from the start. Even hearing that people were saying things like that was tearing me up inside. I couldn't believe it, maybe I didn't want to believe it. Then a girl that I recognized but didn't know came and sat down beside me. She was a residence adviser in my building. She is from the same town as him, knows his family and his friends with his sister who also lives at school. As she started to talk about him I knew that everything the people on my floor was saying was true except for the part about me lying. Not only does he have a girlfriend but they have been together four years living together. I burst into tears after trying to fight them back I had to get out of there. My own so called perfect life was caving all around me. I ran home feeling lost, vulnerable and betrayed. Why would he do this too me? How could he? He was the only person I felt comfortable with. I opened up to him, trusted him with my whole heart. He knew I didn't want to be hurt anymore. The anger spewing up inside of m. I emailed him with my heart shattered, with anger that was  more than most can imagine. It was almost unbearable. I am sure that he sensed the anger and the hurt when he was reading the email cause it was months before we spoke again. I was miserable for a long time. I cried and cried it felt as if the pain would never go away. I don't think it completely has. We had very little ways of communicating. Computer seemed the logical way. 3

So one day I was sitting at the computer as I am doing now. And his screen name popped up. My curiosity got the best of me I had to know why he did what he did.....4