Monkey Business Part 2

Part 21

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At the moment I am leaning towards the theory that the author is god since I also happen to remember that Shakespeare didn’t write any of his works he had stolen them all from a very creative gorilla named Ben Johnson.  You might recall him being stripped of all his gold medals and Shakespearean sonnets for using designer steroids for promoting poetic dominance.  Currently all such steroids are banned by AP and random drug testing will be instituted some time next week.  All AP poets who have won too many gold medals are of course guilty until proved innocent of collaborating with highly trained monkeys.3

Remembering the case of Coleridge who was also stripped of his medals for the use of opium, do not worry if you write bad poetry under the influence of mind altering chemicals.  The police are solely worried about people whose use of illegal substances might actually encourage them to be a better writer.  If your drug of choice only gives you the munchies you have no need to worry.4

Of course the author could indeed be Shakespeare since it is scientifically proven that typing monkeys hold him in high regard. If you don’t believe me ask any scientist if any monkey has ever typed any of my poems.  Paranoid as always I realized that monkeys and Shakespeare are all part of the shadow government’s systematic cover up of the introduction of monkeys to earth as part of a plan for an alien takeover.  Illegal alien takeover took place when Columbus sailed to the new world.  If you don’t believe the government is concealing information about monkeys I challenge you to try and find some internet articles about monkeys written before 1922 the year Aliens arrived in New Jersey.  You won’t find any.  In fact you won’t find any articles written on the internet about monkeys until the internet was created the same time that monkeys were introduced to earth.  Using the internet to cleverly mask the introduction of monkeys was brilliant.  Landing in New Jersey was pure evil genius.5

Regardless, the Monkey’s Manifesto as it will be known through out time, or until someone comes up with a better name, clearly shows that either god or Shakespeare were once in love with a flying squirrel with some kind of fungus.  Interestingly the monkeys are brighter than we give them credit they speak Spanish, Italian, and a few words of an alien speech I have not been able to decipher.  I am guessing that flying squirrels will be the next breed introduced to the planet.  I am sure scientists will soon predict that Wal-Mart and McDonalds will soon be introducing monkey and squirrel sandwiches all kid and alien friendly. I placed all words I encapsulated all alien words in parentheses hoping someone might finish my research and interpret the whole poem.6

(Athiesta) so lovely though (avanoth) deadly7

Theocratic (freeloth) my sweet petaurista8

Her (acoadeen) thrilling yet delights seldom Selkup  9

Since (trillest-lophesup) so Ostyak-Samoyed10

Our hetaristic smuts of (glestres) bewusstein11

We’re never (elefsein) no sluts pederastic12

Pernesky (verpluen) more galinatias13

Her gaduin (vouresci) simply so sexy14

(Arycadore) breathless aviazione15

(Arrcioni) I love my amortigador16

Regardless of the poem’s final interpretation, I can announce without any degree of uncertainty that this paper was written by semi-trained monkeys. 17