The razor-sharp blade sped towards the clear expanse of skin before it. The clean metal dove through layers of skin, flesh, muscle, and tendon AS smoothely as an olympic diver entering the water. Even before the blade had left the wound, pure glistening, wonderfully crimson liquid rose up. Barely visible in the dark alley the warm blood overflowed and streamed in all directions from the hole like so many mighty rivers, coursing down the paper-white skin, faster and faster the farther it went. Like a perfectly-conducted symphony a soprano scream resonated through the air, alerting the world of the beauty that had taken place.1
Author notes
writer's craft assignment:
"Think of an object or action that is ugly or repulsive. Describe it in such a way that the reader will begin to see it as beautiful or will believe that the narrator truly believes it is beautiful. Avoid falsehood. Adopt the voice of a narrator who thinks each repulsive aspect of your thing is sublime."
what mark would you give me?
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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four thumbs, awesome! thanks so much for the detailed comment, I'm glad you came and read it
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Wonderful Imagery
Here's my other comment...because I switched computers so my spacebar actually works. Anyway, as I was saying...this was a very grotesque piece of work. I could always see the blood, yet at the same time I found it ....not really beautiful I guess. I think I just saw it all,and the scenery..the red was great. but the picture in my mind..was that of a cutter. That wasn't a pretty picture.
I thought you would make the streams of blood look as if they were rivers flowing through the forests etc. Didn't expect it to end that way.
The descriptive was brillant....I give you four thumbs (I'll make a friend give you two) up with the imagery. I think that's all I wanted to say. Great job. -
Whoa.That was an intense write. It's what I was looking for in the contest but not a poem. Of course that doesn't really mean anything. I hate this spacebar, so I'm not able to fully type... what I want to.
This was so grotesque, but you made it sound not so bad....I'll comment when my spacebar works better. -
thanks! I'm glad this piece did it's job. And I'm glad the 'random' link brought you here
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Wow!!! Your imagery is intense. I make a habit of hitting the recent random poem link on the front page of allpoetry at least once a day to give myself a variety of exposure to author's I may not have read yet. Today it brought me here.
This piece came through so vividly that I had to look a way for a minute so to speak. Almost as if it were that long horrible screach of fingernails on the blackboard. While you do not paint a picture of something people are unaccustomed to, you do it in a way that is quite shocking and horrifying to think about.
I was rather relieved when I read your author's notes In my oppinion, and based purely on my own reaction to this work, I think you surpassed your objective.
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