Writing With My Crimson Tears

1

When I see the blood raised against the tan, I know I've gone too far. But I've cut too far into my life to learn how to stop now. Until I learn to get rid of the anxiety in my life, the scars will get longer, deeper and less impressive.2

I know it doesn't look very good, but the scars will stay to remind me of the time that I fell too low to recover. Now if only I could manage to die.3

Would it prove to you, finally, that I do need help after all? I've been begging you to look my way for two months now.4

Oh God, no. Look at this mess. I didn't mean to cut the vein. Where are you? Oh God, love, I need you here. I have no one to save me now. Where are you? The blood is pouring like a crimson fountain now. I'm beginning to lose my vision.5

Why didn't you see the scars BEFORE I needed you? Why couldn't you have just seen the fact that I'm falling? Damn, sweetie. I don't even get to see your face when you come into the house and go to use the restroom. I can't begin to fathom the thoughts that will run through your mind when you find me stretched out on the tile floor, lying in a puddle of crimson tears. Why couldn't you be here to stop the flow of life from leaving my body.6

My heart is failing. Love, don't forget how much I love you. Don't forget that I always will. You're going to go so far in life. Don't forget, please, this is important, my love. Don't forget what it felt like for me to watch you destroy yourself piece by pathetic piece. And don't forget that I got to see you pick the pieces up again.7

I'm sorry that I can no longer relate my love for you to the strength of the flow of my blood. It's always been so strong and now, as I die, I must apologize for being weak.8

I love you, sweetheart. I'm going to live with the angels where they sing in heaven. My dearest love, I'll see you in the afterlife.9

con todo mi corazón y con todo yo tengo. 10

te amo para siempre,11

xXxChristinaxXx12