I knew this Princess, and I could relate to her in so many ways. On the outside she was all smiles, had this everything-is-right-in-world attitude and never had to worry about being accepted with friends. Yet like many people, she had fears, doubts and a very dark well-hidden secret, a secret that took me months to discover. She was beautiful, but inside she was shattered, her pain was so deep I don't know how she coped so long with such torment. 2
It was a beautiful July night when I discovered her secret, my little brother and her little brother were firing fireworks left over from the fourth, we laid across the cement watching the fireworks dance in the sky, it was beautiful, and as I smiled I looked over at her, to my shock, mascara tears were strolling down her face. Before I could ask, she opened a bottle of pills, I couldn't even get a word out of my mouth, then she said something I will never forget..."Sara, I have a secret and I need you to promise me not to tell another soul." ... I shook my head in agreement as I figured she had to have a logical explanation for that bottle of pills.3
I'll never forget the tears that fell upon her beautiful face, I'll never forget what she said, "I have been in pain for so long, no one knows the pain that I endure in my heart. The betrayal of friends, the unacceptance I get from my family members, the loss of love, and the loss of others. I can't deal with counselors anymore, I'm so sick of being labelled, so with these sleeping pills, I silence my pain, with fourteen pills a night... no one knows, except YOU... help me Sara, help me to die..."4
At this time I get up from the cement and walk towards the porch, I can't believe what she is asking me, How could I ever live with myself?! How could she selfishly ask me to this?! I look up at her, her eyes... God, how do I explain, when I looked into her eyes, I felt her pain, my heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest, and then I knew...I knew I had to help her, though it seemed horrible, and wrong, I had to help her, and I prayed that God would forgive me. We went to my room and she laid those pills out upon my bed, there was more than enough to kill a person, a matter of fact, there was enough pills to kill two... I told her I'd be back, I had to check on our little brothers and then decide just exactly how this suicide mission would take place... when I came back, she was on the floor, in my heart I knew it was just a body, that her soul was there no longer there, but God I had to check... 5
I shook her body as if the harder I shook she would come back to life for me. She was gone, the room started spinning, I couldn't believe this, if she was going to take her own life she should have at least left some pills for me to take, so I wouldn't be left here in this world full of torment and torture... and I saw a letter, it was on my bed, could she have left some pills in that paper? I had to see, but to my shock, there were only words, a will, a suicide note, and the handwriting was mine... This didn't make sense, I didn't write this! Yet it was clearly my handwriting, no one could write in my cursive, everything was signed in my name, the room started spinning uncontrolably ... this didn't make sense I turn around and looked at her face, except it wasn't her face, it was MINE! Oh my god! Am I dreaming? Surely I must be, Am I going insane?!... 6
Everything goes pitch black and I wake up with my mom screaming at me that its almost noon. Damn, it was a dream, how crazy was that, huh?! As I go to living room, the police are on the couch, telling me to have a seat, this can't be good... They ask me how I am, clueless I lie and say I'm just fine, and to my horror, they place a bottle of sleeping pills infront of me. "Do you know anything about these?" a police officer asks, "No" as I look at my mother, crying as if she cares so much about me, its all an act, she always calls the cops when she can't be a parent, it sad enough I'm on a first name basis with the police department. 7
"Well, your mom is pretty worried about you, you've been known to cut yourself and we have reason to believe that you are addicted to sleeping pills... we just want to help you Sara, are these pills yours? Damn! Why does my mother have to make a mountain out of a molehill? I can't stand it when she does this. "Yes, they are mine, Officer" I confess... "But I only take one or two on nights that I can't sleep" ... what they didn't know, won't hurt them, I wasn't going to dare say that I took fourteen pills a night, they'd send me away for sure. 8
"Please call us if you feel that you are addicted or want to kill or harm yourself" right... like I'd really call them if I was suicidal, like I really depended on the police station when one officer said I was MANIPULATIVE... and a "HANDFUL"... well fuck them, they don't know me, and they never will. As they leave, I look at my mother, she knows I hate her, I will never understand why she can't be a parent, I grab my bottle of pills and go to my bedroom. I lock my door and take all of them. By morning they find my suicide note, and they find my cold, lifeless body on my bed.9
My mother cries her last ounce of love for me as the zip me up in that black bag, except now it doesn't matter... it just doesn't matter anymore, because I am at peace, I slienced my pain for the last time, and there was nothing mother and the cops could do about it.10
I was burden NO MORE 11
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Adding your comment:
Your writing always makes me feel your pain, because the emotion is so evident in every word you use. This was a very intense story. I liked the twist, the fact that in the beginning it was someone else and then it was you. It kind of makes me think about how we can see how sad it is when it happens to someone else, but when it's us, we think it's perfectly fine. 
I had tears streaming down my face as I read this. It was so sad. 
this is so sad....i can't even read it again...