Death Cellar

"Anna." He cried softly. Her eyes twitched. Was she finally coming to? "Anna, please. Don't leave me, you understand?" His voice rose. "ANNA!" He sniffed, and sobbed. "I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE ME. YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME!" 1

She heard him, loud and clear. She used all her strength, but she couldn't seem to squeeze his hand, or open an eye. Even if she could in this dark place, he wouldn't be able to see it. All there was, was their bodies and the stone cold floor. 2

She could feel him stroking her hair, and then felt him lean against her chest, to hear her dying heartbeat. It sputtered, thumping irrergularly. His tears made a trail along her shirt, to her collarbone, and across her cheek.3

"Anna?" He asked, excitedly. She moaned quietly, in pain. "Anna!" He cooed. His eager mouth searched for her face, and grazed her lips. "I knew you'd pull through!" He cried with joy. 4

She couldn't speak. All she could do was moan, and squeeze his hand lightly. She was slowly gaining conciousness, from being able to move her fingers, to rolling on her side towars him. 5

"Anna, can you talk to me?" Mark asked, stroking the side of her face?" His other hand held her back, supporting her in his lap. He sat cross-legged on the ground, his back aching from the long lasting position. 6

"Mhmmmmm." She replied groggily, lolling in his arms.7

"Anna?"8

"Mhmm?" She said again.9

"I don't think we're getting out of here alive." He choked. She could sense the tears flowing down his face. She reached up to touch him cheeks, to wipe the tears, but a searing pain shot through her arm.10

"OW!" She finally yelled.11

"Sh!" He covered her mouth instantly. "We don't want him to know we're awake, or he'll come down here." Mark warned. Even though it was pitch black, he turned in the direction of which he thought the door was, and waited cautiously for the sound of thudding combat boots to come down the stairs to the cellar.12

Nothing. Except she started to cry.13

"Oh Anna." He exclaimed. "Don't cry, even if we die. we'll die together. Isn't that what you've always wanted?" He hugged her close. She wiped her tears on his neck.14

"But...but." He tried to choke out. "I....love....you." Her words were stuttered and short breathed, but they were audible. 15

"Hey, remember our first date, when I fell into the thorn bush?" He laughed quietly, trying to calm her down. "And then I dropped my ice cream cone later on?" He could hear her trying to stifle the giggles. "Why are you trying not to giggle?" He quizzed her. A short giggle escaped her lips once more.16

"It hurts my side." She replied flatly. She nuzzled her head against his chest gently. "Promise me one thing when we die." She said. He could hear the tears beginning to swell in her throat.17

"Anything Anna, anything." He assured her. 18

"Hold my hand, and don't let go." She sobbed. She didn't care about the noise she was making or about what would happen if he did hear it. She just let herself sob. "Don't ever let go." She wailed, clinging to his arm.19

"Shh, it's okay Anna, I'm right here." He took her hand and kissed it. "Just don't cry." He murmered in her eye.20

"Okay." she sniffed, waiting as he wiped away her tears. 21

They sat together in the cellar as time passed all too quickly. Or, at least it seemed. She dozed in his lap, and he held her close. Just waiting for their time to run out. The sound of the thudding combat boots was all he could think of, until he literally heard them. He leaned against the wall, holding her closer than ever. 22

The light flickered on, and the tall burly man with a long beard and combat boots stood on the other side of the bars; gun in hand. 23

"Well well well, isn't it the happy couple?" He snickered. His thumb was on the hammer, pulling it back slowly.24

"Please." Mark said timidly. He held her face close to his chest. "You can kill me, rip me apart limb from limb, but dont hurt her. Please." He cried. He swallowed his tears, and rubbed the rest away. 25

The man with the cold black eyes snickered. "You're funny kid." He laughed. Pointing the gun at them. He took a few steps towards the bars that seperated them. "Wake the maggot up, and tell her its time." He said gruffly.26

Mark narrowed his eyes. "No. If you're insisting on killing her to, then let her die in her dreams." 27

The man kicked the bars. They rattled. "I said, wake her up, or else." He turned around, facing the stairs. "I'll count to three, and if she's not awake, there will be consequences." He warned. 28

"One..."29

"Anna. Anna sweetheart wake up. I hate to do this..."30

"Two."31

"Anna! Wake up! Please!" Her eyes twitched.32

"Two and a half...."33

"Anna!" He shook her vigorously, and she opened her eyes. 34

"Three."35

He turned around to face them again. Marc held her protectivley, and she stared at the man, wide eyed and frightened beyond belief. 36

"Let's get this over with." She whispered, and he took his hand. 37

Two bullets was all it took.38

It all happend too quickly. One second she was cradled in his arms, and the next, they were dying, slowly and painfully. 39

The first thing he saw was blood. On the walls and on the floor. He screamed in pain. He was dizzy, and numb. He couldn't feel his legs, but could twitch his fingers.40

"Anna?"41

"Yes?" She coughed. He jerked his head to see her. Everything he saw was red. Even her precious face. It was blood. It dripped from the corners of her mouth, and when she coughed, blood came out.42

"Baby." She whined.43

"Yes?" 44

"Your hand." She ordered.45

He reached out to her, as did she. Neither could move, and time was running out. It was like the sand in the hourglass. Just a few grains were left, and much more time was needed. He grunted in pain as he pushed to reach her. Their fingertips touched.46

"Anna!" He breathed. He closed his eyes, struggling.47

She didn't answer.48

"Anna!" He cried. He opened his eyes. 49

And she was dead.50

Her body laid on the cold floor, motionless. Her eyes were closed, and her mouth was hanging open slightly. He coughed, and he could feel himself too, dying.51

He had to for Anna, to keep his promise. He while he endured to most pain he ever had in his short life, he had to do this for Anna.52

He pushed, and has able to take her whole hand.53

"I'm taking your hand, and I'm not..." He trailed off, blood clogging his airways. 54

"And I'm not letting go."55

And he too, went to Heaven.56

Author notes

Exploding Chicken

My favorite story is Twilight, the series.
The prompt I chose was, 1. The really sad story.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • therenaissancegirl gold member
    August 20

    Edit | Reply

    Make Me Cry (Contest Comment)

    Notes:

    You use a lot of commas that don't necessarily need to be there. Try to look through it and see what you can do.

    Paragraph 5: "towars" -- towards/toward

    Paragraph 6: stroking the side of her face?" -- replace ?" with a period.

    Paragraph 23: replace the semicolon with a comma

    Paragraph 26: "He laughed. Pointing the gun at them." -- "He laughed, pointing"

    Paragraph 37: "Let's get this over with." She whispered -- "...with," she whispered

    Paragraph 53: "has" should be "was"

    Awww The whole time I read this I could feel my heart trying to jump out of my throat (weird-sounding, but it's what happens when I'm scared/in suspense and on the verge of tears). I actually like that you "began at the end," as someone else said. The focus on this was the strength of the relationship, not so much the action, and excluding a lead-up actually helped with that. Very good write; good luck!

     

    Oh, by the way, was "Exploding Chicken" your joke? lol


  • LynksTryforceGurl
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    amzing. the emotions in it were almost overwhelming. this was a really great read and the words flowed wonderfully. thank you for entering my contest!


  • mememe6
    May 19
    Edit | Reply
    I thought this story was amazing, you are a very good writer.

  • Non Paix
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    Very sad story. Sadly there are sick people out there who would actually kill people like this. And then normally the sick bastard doesn't get the correct punishment. -_-
    Anyway, this was written and put to together pretty good. Nice job.
    -Emile-


  • Vampiric souls
    March 19

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is amazing and fantastic!!!
    Such good writing and a great idea!!
    Thank you so much for entering!!
    ~Souls!!!


  • Juniper Cran
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    Oh muh gawd T_T This reminds me of Final Fantasy X-2. when those to old teens from Zanarcind get shot and die right next each other. So cute yet so sad.


  • Tu Sei Una Stella
    March 14
    Edit | Reply
    I....NEED.....MORE! T.T

    ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC! BROWNIE POINTS FOR U!

    ~~~~Aldabella


  • Satan-chan
    March 13
    Edit | Reply
    wow! this story is good. I like to read a story or movie that both of the main characters(Main gurl, Main guy) died, or they alive together. well i hate story that is one of a character died and the other alive. oh.. this story is just too "beautiful" i love it.. for real.... i like this kind of story. heheh... congralution. on winning!


  • alb9137
    March 7
    Edit | Reply
    too depressing. btu that's a good thing.


  • lenore2010
    March 4
    Edit | Reply
    Aw... this was so sad. I must say, I found myself believing that they would escape, but, alas, I was let down. =[
    I was really curious as to why they were in the basement, but the question was not answered.
    You are a very good writer, though, I must say. Good luck.


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Good work. I enjoyed reading this and its a tragic tale.

    I found a few small errors and mind you they are only suggestions so I hope you are not offended-

    towars (p 5)
    I'm assuming this was a typo and meant to say 'towards' but I'd also like to suggest that most people don't realize you don't absolutely need that 's' at the end. toward works fine

    The dialogue is a little off grammatically, but not bad. Just like to tell people that I learned several years ago that when using dialogue, if there is a continuation to the sentence (he said, she said, she whined, he replied, etc) you don't use a period inside the quotations- you use a comma.

    for example:
    "Anything Anna, anything." He assured her.

    you would change the period in the quotation to a comma and lowercase the 'h' in He.

    Overall, I thought this was well written. I'm intrigued to know what exactly happened to the characters that led to their demise.
    Good work enjoyed the read.

    Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!


  • EverRose
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    This was really beautiful. I loved it, and it was sad.
    Even though, it was like a short story, it'd be good if you could add a little tteeny weeny bit more detail. xD Otherwise, it kept me interested, which is rare for me. lol


  • Lady of the Moon
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Very good, it kind of makes me want to learn more, like why did the man kill them. Keep up the good work!


  • SunshineDancer423
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that was really good, but REALLY sad, obviously, and what is up with people entering things in my contest that are so..um..well, unfinished isn't the right word, but it's just that it starts at the end, if you know what I mean...and I just..want to know! I want to know who is that guy, why did he kill him, and it is just personal stuff that makes me want more out of these stories but still. I liked it, very sad, but, we didn't even know the guys name that was talking to Anna. So..I liked it, it was well written, though there were typos and the color was red, I asked for white or black so it was a little hard to read, sorry if I insulted you..I didn't mean it.

    Good Luck!


    • Artificial.Smiles. gold member
      February 22
      Edit | Reply
      no I wasn't insulted at all, constructive critism is fine! Sorry about the color, I can change it if you want. Plus, I'm not sure about whole beginning at the end thing :l


  • His.Golden.Eyes
    February 21
    Edit | Reply
    That seriously made me wanna cry....
    Good luck in the contest.

    • Artificial.Smiles. gold member
      February 21
      Edit | Reply
      thanks I was in a rush so it doesn't have as much detail as I would've likedd, but I'm going back to it every once and a while to fix it.


  • Someday Hero. gold member
    February 21
    Edit | Reply
    Crying...tears...gggaaahhh...T_T

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