"Where am I?"1
I ask myself trying to remember, my head is throbbing, my shoulders feel like they are being crushed, I'm lying on the floor.2
"what happened?"3
I try to remember, I remember opening the door as we argued, I'd seen her with him, the one she swore never to see again, cause he tried to kill her, caused her so much pain, but together I saw them. Two flashes of light,It felt like Id been hit with something hard spinning away I hit the ground hard, I tried to raise my head by my arms were burning, something hit me in the side of the head, then nothing.4
Reaching up I grab a table that is by my side, my arm burns and I bite back a yell of pain looking down on the floor my eyes open with wonder. 5
"Blood.. My Blood"6
Reaching up I touch my shoulder, its sticky.7
A scream echoes through the house, its her,8
"No! Leave him alone! I'll do anything!"9
Gritting my teeth I bite my tongue as a scream of pain starts as I try and rise. Finally standing I am in the hallway, its dark. The blue walls reflecting the pale moonlight casting a goulish glow on hallway. My head feels heavy and I feel faint, I stagger into the wall and lean heavily on it on the floor where I had been laying, there is a pool of blood.. My blood no wonder I feel dizzy and faint, I lurch towards the stairs, her screams are from upstairs, I can hear her little one crying.10
"Come on Damion, leave your mommy alone, Come play with me downstairs"11
I chuckled softly as he babbled in the nonsense language he is still using, picked him up and he babbled on incoherently his hand waving around, me nodding away as If i can understand him, every once in a while understanding a word here or there.12
"okay pancakes?"13
He nods giggling and I put him down and grab the ingredients and we start obliterating the kitchen.14
Couple hours later we had a pile of pots pans and dishes... Oh and a plate of pancakes. Damien was making a mess of his breakfast as I attempted clean up. Unfortunately Thersea picked that time to walk down the stairs15
"What the Fu..?"16
"Don't worry babes I'm on clean up, you pick up some pancakes a drink and hit the couch and stay outta my kitchen." I grinned at her17
"Your Kitchen?!" 18
"GO!" I pointed and she shook her head and did as she was told. Damien was giggling away as I looked around the kitchen, it looked like a bomb had hit it, looking over at the giggling kid I laughed, He was covered in flour, and pancake mix, he was gonna need a wash too, I slowly started washing up the pots and pans, cleaning down the worktops. 19
"All this hard work for one plate of pancakes....Still.. It had been fun making the pancakes..."20
My eyes open, and I've collapsed on the stairs, Damien's still screaming..21
"Come on get moving you pussy, she needs you.. he needs you..."22
I drag myself up the wall, swaying on my feet I climb the stairs slowly, I feel weaker than a newborn kitten, walking like one too,or maybe a zombie, a silent shuffling walk climbing the stairs.23
"Go to your room Damien... Go play with your toys. Leave mommy and David alone.."24
She's trying to comfort Damien, I can hear her words echoing down the hallway from her room.. The Hallway seems to stretch out before me growing in length25
"get moving Pussy, before you collapse,"26
I take a step27
"Get moving fatass... Pussy... Coward... Get Moving Fuck face"28
My mind taunts me trying to raise my anger.. 29
"Too tired. Just wanna sleep.. Sleep.."30
My head snaps up as I nearly pass out again, falling against a wall, leaning heavily against it catching my breath, Damien comes out of her bedroom, his face red and puffy from crying, his face lights up as he notices me his arms widen, I put my finger to my lips shushing him, and he giggles secretively, before running over and hugging my leg31
"Uncwel Cwaig!" he whispers softly, mangling my name still bringing a smile.. Despite the pain.32
"Go to your room and play Damien.. I'll come in in a minute.."33
He giggles and runs off to his room to find one of his favourite toys.. 34
"I'm gonna miss that kid"35
I push off the wall and slowly stalk along the hallway.36
I stand at the doorway his whisper words not quite loud enough to hear, but the menace in his voice unmistakable, I flick a small coin through the small gap between the door and the wall, it sails through the gap and cracks against the window,37
"What the fuck was that?" He says38
I crash through the doorway and lurch into a run...39
He turns and fires, a bright flash and It feels like my chest is being crushed, and I remember40
"Craig I love you, I'll never ever break up with you craig.. The only way you'll lose me is if you break with me.."41
"okay lish.. I love you to hun"42
Bang another shot another flash of light, another memory43
"Your too nice craig.. You need to treat them meaner.."44
"what ever Mark.. I can't do it. I'm not built that way45
"Craig, being the Knight is gonna get you killed.46
"nah" I laughed " I always survive.. unfortunately"47
Again he fires and my chest exploding in even more pain but im still moving forward, step by step time is slowing, but I'm still moving closer to him. 48
Bang49
My mum punching and kicking me, I go down like a sack of shit, she is a girl, she is my mum. I can't hit her back.50
"BASTERD!! LITTLE BASTERD!" 51
The only words I can understand in her screaming rantings as I curl into a ball, her fists and feet hitting me again and again, till I become detached from the pain.52
I'm still moving forward, and with the most recent memory I remember my gift, and forget the pain blazing throughout my body53
Bang54
I met her at her door and we'd spent 5 days together, we enjoyed each other's company, Took her to the movies, she took me out clubbing, Took her son damien to the park and played soccer with him, chased him around played hide and seek. Keeping the lil kid entertained. Enjoying life, and then there was the secretive phone call, I heard his name, 'David' a name that fills me with hatred, for all the things he had done to my friends, to those I fell in love with..55
Pure hatred.56
Hatred is washing through me now, Pain, Loneliness honor, all building as my right fist clenches ready for one single punch57
Bang58
"there is some one else Craig.. I'm with him now" Meriah, The first59
Bang!60
"Yeah well.. I'm going out with David.. He's changed" Kristina, the pattern emerging..61
Bang!62
"Why Laci? He has shit on everyone, you know this..." Silent tears are forming in my head63
"because.. I love him.. He loves me... He has changed..." Laci.. The third64
Bang!65
"Heather whats going on? I thought you loved me.. Thought you wanted me?"66
"I do Craig but.. I love Jesse, your... your my backup" Second best again67
BANG!68
"Look craig I need you here with me.. Or.. Or I'm gonna keep my options open.." her.. Thersea.. Second best again69
BANG!70
And she returns to my minds eye.. The one I fell in love with, the one I believed, believed enough that I threw the dice, took the chance and came up snake eyes.. Came up second choice as always.. Beautiful beyond compare, mere words never enough to express what she did to me, for me.. Just by loving me.. But she has gone.. Some one else chosen, and I am a lone knight once more.71
BANG!72
Everything building I'm but a step away 73
"One punch Fat ass, Make it count you fucking pussy"74
And I throw everything in that single punch, Pain, Loneliness from throughout the years, Betrayal time after time, the last of my strength, and such a sweet thing it is.75
The perfect uppercut, moving faster than lightening, his eyes widen in fear as he sees just how close I am, firing again point blank but he can't stop this punch. This one last time, I wont be second best to any man. 76
My fist explodes into his chin, and he takes off like a rocket, feet rising, head dipping he crashes out the second floor window, glass exploding and cascading like rain around us, and down I go.77
I feel so cold as I feel my knees touch the ground, no strength left I pitch forward I don't even feel the ground as it hits my head78
"Craig!" She screams as I feel her lean over me, She rolls me over into her lap, its getting darker..79
"Wow... it's.. it's.. it's c.c.c.cloudy t.t.t.t.t.t.tonight" My stutter has returned which is never a good sign.80
Thersea looks around and sees the room brightly light by the moonlight, the moon sitting high in a cloudless sky. His skin is deathly cold to touch, looking over his body his chest is just a mess of blood bones and more blood, pumping out slower and slower as her friend's mighty heart slows down.81
"Don't leave me Craig.... please..."82
A ghost of a smile touches his lips..83
"Its okay Thersea.. I always..always.. S.S.S.survive... Unfort....." He goes limp in her arms and she keels over him mourning the loss of the only friend she truely trusted.. and realising.. She lost a man she loved.. 84
I can barely see, its so damn dark, trying to move my body but too tired.. Maybe later, Thersea is crying.. why she crying she is fine.. No more danger...85
"Don't Leave me Craig.. Please..."86
Whispers forth from her lips, and I smile..87
"Its okay Thersea.. I always..always.. S.S.S.survive... Unfort....." 88
I can't finish my sentence as blood bubbles in my mouth.. I guess Mark was right, and as the final darkness comes, and my life flashes before my dead eyes. I smile to myself. I finally fell, and in the silence of death I utter up one last message to the universe.89
"Still mate.. I came first once... And I didn't let the asshole win.."90
And finally the end has come, to this Knight's tale...91
Author notes
Inspired by Sin City.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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I like it it's hecka good. made me cry though. I wish there was a guy out there that would do something like that for me.
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Oh my god this was excellent!!!! I LOVED IT! Keep the ink flowin'...
<3 Lindzii -
usually, lengthy pieces ...well; I don't stick with 'em .. I got confused at times and had to back and re-read..
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Lots of back and presents can get one a bit mixed at times, but a good tale and it keeps one captivated. Interesting write.
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a story riviting till the end. family violence is on the rise and this story has so many triggers for me but i made myself read on. my therapist is helping me to get over certain incidences that happened to me as a child and as an adult. the flashbacks are the worst but the nightmares take their toll after so long and sleeping aids dont seem to help that. my psychciatrist ahs been working on that for two years and we finally found something that lets me sleep but i feel like a mac truck has hit in the night after i wake up. i just spent two weeks in a mental care phacility to streighten out my meds that i take due to the violence in my mind i cant seem to let go of. your story has so much truth in the description of talking yourself on and moving through the pain. keep writting, its a great outlet. i write every time i am in the hospital thats why my poetry is usually so dark and most people want to give the advice to lighten up but what is ,is.
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I usually don't do the story thingy but this had me captivated. Make me go back and reread what had happened. I felt sadness at the end. This was a good story, I enjoyed the read.
~Dee -
I don't go for long things but I read this anyway, you told a captivating story although i too got confused by the flashbacks and bangs.
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Held my attention very well. I like the story, but the flashbacks threw me for a second. I got over it and enjoyed the tale
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I'm sorry but it's too long for me to read right now, I have A.D.D. other people say it was good, so their probably right.
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At the beginning I almost gave up for the length......then I began to read......I couldn't differentiate between the 'bangs' being bullets or maybe symbolic shots by the betrayal of broken promises remembered. It gave such an interesting twist to the story, that way. Chilling to imagine the shear physical pain and death in comparison to the emotional pain and death. The imagery I saw in reading this was that some of 'bangs' were maybe real bullets while others were the 'explosions' of memory hitting hard. It kept me reading it through to the conclusion.
Edited on Aug 26, 11:11 p.m. because 'spelling errors'. -
I looked at it first and thought "this is long as hell" but I went on reading anyways. Honestly, I'm not surprised this is inspired by Sin City. Not to say that this isn't written well but it was boring. Not that it lacked action or content, but it's been done thousands of times before. How many times can this guy take a bullet without falling? After two bangs the image in my head was of a guy, well, dead. ""Come on Damion, leave your mommy alone, " that should be Damien. Don't get me wrong, it's not my intent to insult you but this is me being honest. I can tell you're a good writer, it shows in the detail and layout. However, I think you can do better than this. Take care and God bless.
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Write on, Broken Knight, write on.
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You read my story Second Best Till Last, well I re-wrote it in this new piece. Thought you might like to read it.
allpoetry.com/Story/1468843 -
I wrote a re-write to this piece Figured you might like to check it out. Only difference is the ending.
allpoetry.com/Story/1468843 -
Well, i mixed truth and fiction with this piece, the memories of the girls are pretty accurate, the memories of my mum is accurate, meeting theresea, her son, david all fiction. though based on real people.
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a terrific write, but i was so hoping he would live...i liked the scenes changing the way they did, from memories to present time...it held my attention, and kept me interested. my only change would be the number of times 'david' won the girl of his interest... i know how difficult it is to write stories, i don't have the ability, so i am impressed with your short story. well done.
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Excellent Excellent Excellent
This is only the second story I have ever read. That is becasue the other dozen or so left me bored after the first few lines. This one actually held me captive. I HAD to read it till the end. I my mind that is what makes it a good story. Darn..Not a good story...A brilliant story. I am so gald I stumbled across it.
Well Done
Hugs
Jan -
oh my god i got chills, this was an awesome piece. i havent seen nething worth reading in awhile but this piece just plain rocked. keep up the excellent writes
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I really enjoyed reading this, and at times I found tears stinging the corners of my eyes. If you feel anything like the guy in your story, then I can sympothize, I've been there a few too many times myself. Great job.
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Thanky ou for sharing this. I liked it alot.
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Excellent
This is amazing! This is possibly one of the greatest short stories I've recently read, apart from the few gramatical and punctuation mistakes but besides that I loved it all. The flashbacks, the word choice, it was wonderful! -
Evidently, it does the job.
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I find mixing truths and fictions make for better writes, so some of these experiences are true life.
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a bumpy ride to a fine destination :)
I'd have to agree with Yossarian and Love Between Two on this one; this curious affinity for the over-worked commas and ellipses - three dots; not four or two but three - is rather disruptive to the flow of the read, and in worse cases, renders a sentence all but incomprehensible.
Mind the apostrophes; appreciate the difference between contractions and possesive determiners or pronouns. Consider the em dash when breaking off a sentence altogether.
There's a touch of "raw" about this write - no, I'm not talking about your grammar; I believe most of the above mentioned are unintentional, and they can be easily detected and corrected if you take the time to read your words aloud - a sense of nakedness, finely blended with brutally honest emotions, untempered and unrefined that, in its simplistic beauty, it is almost painful to read. These broken, errant thoughts of our protagonist, Craig (I wouldn't recommend this for everyone, just so to avoid ambiguity and confusion in your readers) have cleverly reflected the broken relationships he had, and you've actually tied them up at the end - neatly! Good job!
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Cheerio,
srlaine
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thankyou
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Line 2: "lying on the floor". "To lay" is transitive as in "I laid my sister"
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Well if you could show me exactly I'lll attempt to rectify the problem
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good story that shows definite talent for writing
the flashbacks added much to the story. very creative. using the idea of "second best" is excellent.
i suggest tightening up the story... not shortening it just editing useless or repititive words. double check on the grammar.
it's "bastard" not "basterd"
all in all worthy of applause! -
"To lie" and "to lay" are not the same. The misuse of one detracts from the content and indeed renders it facetious.
...........................................................
So there -
very interesting perspective. love drives us past death, and into past lives of the future, often fueled by vengeance and retalliation.
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Fairly interesting story. You really capture the moods and images...my only criticism is that you us the elipses (..., AKA "dot dot dot") too often.
Cheers,
Yossarian -
Wonderful story, But you won't always be second best
Hope you write more and your muse visits you again
~Angel
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Glad you enjoyed it.
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I've never actually read anything this long on this site before - usually i'm too lazy... but something about this one kept me reading
i was on the verge of tears by the end...
a more than excellent write -
-jess -
I cried throughout this whole story. It's one so commonly known to those knights out there. I may not be the knight, but I've been second best in one persons life more times than I care to count....I could feel each shot and replace your memory, without one of my own. You did a wonderful job with this, and I'm greatful that you shared it with the rest of us.
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THis is indeed very creative and talented,,
The ending was sad though, very touching and heartfelt,
It kept my interest from beginning to the end, wonderful characters and imagery, very impressive!
~~Hugs~~Hearts~~ -
Hey, It's a good story, filled with emotion, and drama. You have a great hook in the beginning and you kept me wanting to read. But every great story can be better.. I think you need to go back and revise it. There are a few spots that just the grammar errors and all tear away from the heart of the story. You use "," too often. You can end a sentence and pick up with the same subject. Anyway, enough with all that.. It was a lovely story and I enjoy reading great stories. Your story keeps the reader in and thats imporant.. wtg.. keep writing.. you got something going on here..-chrissy
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I can say one thing about this piece...
looooong... aggravated too, depressed? somewhat... but good. -
You have a very creative mind and the talent to express yourself. I really liked the use of flashbacks as was said earlier as well as you talking to yourself. Unfortunatly you don't always survive. I think your story gave insight to alot of things. The structure of relationships now... the backburner many women (and men) have a back-up relationship. I wish more men in this day and age had the qualities you gave the character Craig. A Knight to the end.. if only he had lived
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Beyond Realistic
Huh! Messed up...But thats thier fault...reminds me of me a month back! Very sad story. Good, no great. I enjoyed it..... -
When my eyes refocus...I'll come back with my comment. *G*
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WTH?!
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i like eggs
i like eggs
i like eggs
i like eggs
i like eggs
i like eggs
i like eggs
and bubbles and
bubbles and bubbles 27
and bubbles and
bubbles and bubbles
i like cheese
i like cheese
i like fruit
and ummm chicken
oh and ham 49
i really understand were your coming from
its a really nice poem in manny manny ways
you can still work on some things but all in all its very nice 79
holy crapy this web site is awesome
fourteen thirteen twelve eleven ten nine eight seven six five four three two one -
Excellent
Your mind has many twists and turns, such a powerful story weaver you are....you tell this story with a beat of a heart, racing, slowing, racing and slowing, with a final beat at the end....you have created a perfect story from begining to end...Bravo my friend....BRAVO!!!!!! -
VERY impressive, great write.
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Superb
Wow you have a powerful way of presenting dualing emotions. Great imagery.
Superb story -
Bloody Fantastic.
Oh My God.. This is so Beautiful, it's brillieant.
I've never read anything like it, I loved it so much.
My throat is burning, I really wan't to cry, I'm trying to hold it back.
I could never pick a section of this to put as my favourite because it's all so bloody good.
Keep it up. -
Hi, a good write full of emotion, the visuals are good and you keep the reader there all the time, it is a deep piece and the emotion is high, all the best . Di
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He won the battle, but lost the war. These are the first words that come to mind after reading your story. Your are a great storyteller. Your use of flashbacks really are effective. Nice job darlin'
s and ♥
Willow -
..... good.. god. fuckign brilliant story, sad as hell... lord im crying.. wow.
wow.
mucha luv,
Christina
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