Didn’t you see her Tears?

Didn’t you see her Tears?1

For a moment it was like nothing else in the world mattered. In that moment she felt frozen, immortalised in agony, every part of her body tingling as her heart tore apart and the pain spread like wild fire through her nerves. ‘How could you… Dane… why…?’ She couldn’t look up at him, she wasn’t even sure if he was still standing there, waiting for a response. After a moment more of silence she looked up, finding the strength to face him. But he wasn’t facing her; his face was turned away into the sun where his eyes were closed against it. For a moment she thought there was a glimmer of moisture, but after blinking she didn’t see anything there. ‘Answer me.’ More silence. ‘Please…’ 2

In the dying sunshine they stood there, an arms length away from each other. Their shadows cast on the ground beside them, not touching either, even their faces were turned away from each other. They were solid black though, something she wished her face could be right now, a dark mask that could hide the emotion on her face. Anything to save herself the suffering he was giving her, or showing him how much he was causing. ‘Please don’t do this.’ Why wasn’t he answering her, giving a reason for what he was doing? ‘Dane…’ 3

The sky sunk further on the rocky horizon, the hills and mountains becoming black and shadowed against the golden glow of the fiery ember like sunset. As it fell lower and lower, there still wasn’t a reply from him. Nothing. He stayed as mute as her pet fish. ‘Talk to me!’ She screamed, he didn’t even flinch or move any part of his body. Not for ages as they stood there in the now stunned silence, until he turned and began to walk away. She put her hand out, opening her mouth to call out to him but no words came and she stood there, hand still outstretched towards something fading in the dark. 4

Without thinking, her feet started to move on their own. Running as fast as she could, stumbling over rocks, her feet slipping from her thongs she reached him. Grabbing his arm she clung to it, holding it tightly. Screaming at him not to leave, to come back and stay. ‘Get away from me!’ Dane shouted, swinging his arm violently so she flew off him, hitting the ground with a scream of fright. She cowered in his shadow, her whole body shaking. ‘Just stay away from me; it’s for the best…’ His mouth lingered on those words for a moment, as though he was going to say something else. Then he closed it again, and walked away.5

This time she didn’t follow him. Sitting on the cold pavement she watched him go, her lips mouthing words of sorry and please come back, while her body shook and turned cold as the night fell. Then she fell to pieces, after he was long gone and her body had been numb on the sidewalk for hours as she sat their silently, taking it in. First one tear fell slowly, the one tear he had never seen her shed before, in their three years together, dropping from her chin like slow motion to splash on her lap. Then another sat there, resting in the hollow of her eye where she let it stay. In memory of them, the two of them. One tear could leave while the other would linger. He never got to see her cry, he didn’t get to see her tears.