My Dead Boyfriend

I have a boyfriend. He's cute and all that, nice to me, whatever. The thing is... he's dead. Dead? You ask. Yes, as in no longer living. He has passed on, but yet... he is still here. He's not like a rotting corpse or anything like that. No, that would be weird. And I'm not like a necrophiliac. No, don't think that of me, that's disgusting. You see, the thing is, he appears to be alive.1

He looks, acts, thinks, like any one of us. It's just that he is dead. You know, dead, but still walking. The living dead? He's not a zombie though. He doesn't feed on flesh. Well... sometimes, it seems as though he is trying to. Haha. Okay, I'll try and keep this pg-13 for the kiddies. But, as I was saying, he's normal. Just dead.2

This is kind of hard to explain. If you couldn't tell already, I'm having a bit of trouble. He is very strange. Dead, but not. And he isn't a zombie or a rotting corpse. I know, I pick 'em good. Haha. He isn't a ghost either. He is quite tangible. Quite, quite tangible. Trust me, I would know. 3

He's a great guy. He has a wonderful personality. He doesn't want to haunt, or kill, or be miserable like you would think dead would want to do. That's because he's an unnatural dead. I might as well start at the beginning. Then you may understand it more. I am not mistaken, he is dead. But he is also alive. Well, here it goes, try to follow along.4

I knew my boyfriend long before he died. We were childhood friends. And like many childhood friends we had a bit of a falling out in elementary school. I must say, I was cruel to him. I was in general a cruel child, and he, he was the nerd everyone picked on. I started rumors about him, stole his things, pushed him the mud, I was a bully to say the least. 5

Then middle school, I stopped my harassment but we were still no longer friends. He went off with the geeks to play Wars of Wizards or something and I danced off with the popular chicks to put on makeup and gossip about the boys who were actually in our league. It was a sad time in my youth. Little did I know but I would have been a lot happier with the nerds playing video games. My hair in a pony tail instead of straightening it each morning, wearing jeans and a t-shirt instead of a pleated mini skirt. 6

Along came high school. Where the four middle schools in my city were combined into one. All the former social standings were thrown to the wind and I found myself with no friends, out of style make-up and a burnt out straightener. Who would have guessed those girls could be so shallow? Not me at least. Haha.7

I'm surprised he took me back. After all those years of abuse and then ignoration. We had known each other since diapers and I had treated him as though he was one. But that's just his way, very forgiving. He invited me into his group, much to the dislike of the females in it, and the great enjoyment of the males who just thought of me as another big boobed bimbo. I proved them all wrong. I dyed my hair back to its natural color, put the pink clothes into storage and studied manga and anime until my eyes could have fallen out. It was like preparing for an AP course, no ten AP courses. All I wanted was to be accepted. I didn't notice that I actually enjoyed it too.8

My place in the group was finally established the day I beat him in a game of Halo. He was the Halo champion of the group; no one had ever beat him. But I did, three times that day. My crowning glory, I won't let him forget it. Anyway, they took me in, even the girls. They saw me as a person, finally I was seen as a person.9

So there's the back story. I really haven't told why he's dead yet, have I? Well, that's where it gets complicated. He was driving me back from one of his friends house, well, our friends houses. Keep in mind we were not dating at this time, so there was nothing about it, we just lived in the same neighborhood. Though, at that time we did like each other so the sexual tension was high. Wow, that does sound like there was something about it... I contradict myself way too much.10

As I was saying, we were driving. For some reason or another we decided to stop for some food, a local fried chicken place, you know how we love fried chicken. Wait, you don't know that, but now you do. So, we stopped, ordered our chicken and went outside to eat it. It was a beautiful scenic view of the highway. Very romantic, eh.11

So he must have noticed that this scene, the two of us, eating fried chicken out of a tub, sitting on the side of the highway, oh my, it just makes me swoon. He turned to me, and smiles, tentatively, I smiled back. 12

"You look beautiful," he said.13

That must have been his crazy showing because I was far from beautiful at that moment. Chicken wing halfway to my mouth, hair in my face, make-up smudged, in an oversized Led Zeppelin t-shirt, you get the point, he was insane. But he said it, so I had to respond, right?14

"Uh... thanks."15

"Will you..." he started, "Um... uh... go out with me?"16

"What?!? Me?" I asked, shocked.17

"Who else?" he said looking around.18

"Wait. Let me get this straight—"19

"Yes, I want to go out with you," he cut me off, "Despite everything that's happened in the past. What's your answer?"20

"What do you think?"21

"Oh..." he said softly.22

Smiling, I nodded, "Yes, you idiot."23

I hit him playfully, but unfortunately he happened to be in mid-chicken bite. I must pause now to say, don't do that, it's not the smartest thing I've ever done, don't make the same mistake. Going on, he started chocking on this chicken wing, because that's just our luck. And sure enough, he was soon turning colors. I called for help, but it was no use, the cars on the highway were too loud and we were too far away from the chicken place anyway.24

Then he passed out. I didn't know what to do. I just watched my oldest friend and now boyfriend die in front of me and I did nothing but scream my head off. I should have tried the Heimlich or something.25

Lo and behold, guess who appears? The master of death, the god of the darkness, the grim reaper himself. Don't ask me why I could see and talk to him, I just could. 26

"This guy yours?" he asked, gesturing toward my boyfriend on the ground.27

"No, I'm just standing next to a dead body," I said, for some reason sassing even the grim reaper.28

"All right, I'll leave then," he replied, turning to leave, obviously not seeing through my sarcasm... or being sarcastic himself.29

"No! Wait!" I called to him, suddenly the severity of the situation dawning upon me, "He is mine! What are you going to do with him?"30

"Do with him?" he said, turning around, "Take him with me."31

"Well that's not fair," I replied, "I want him here."32

"You can't always get what you want."33

"I can. And I do."34

He laughed, "What are you willing to do to keep him?"35

"Anything," I retorted.36

He gave me a look that would definitely been an eyebrow raised look if he had eyebrows... or flesh. "Anything?"37

"Well, almost anything."38

"Why?"39

"Why?!? Why not! He's my new boyfriend and I pretty much killed him by telling him that I will go out with him!"40

"Pretty much killed him? I think you did kill him. And I doubt he'd want to go out with you now."41

"All right," I said, walking up to Death and staring him in the face, "What do you want me to do?"42

"I can't bring him back to life," he replied curtly.43

"Then what the hell can you do?!?" I cried.44

He laughed at me, a scary dark laugh. Okay, no, it was just a normal laugh; I just wanted it to sound more dramatic... But he did laugh, then he said... nothing.45

"So?" I asked, breaking the potentially awkward silence between me and the Grim Reaper. 46

"His soul will always be dead, but I can bring back his body."47

"What use is his body to me?" I questioned angrily.48

"Well..."49

"Don't go there mister."50

"All right, all right," he said putting up his hands, "Fine. You put up a good fight, and I'm in a good mood. I don't really know why I'm doing this, but it is something I like to do every once and awhile... I don't really know why..."51

"Just get on with it. What are you doing?" I asked.52

"His soul belongs to me... but you can have it."53

"What is that supposed to mean?"54

"He's dead in my book, but alive in yours," he replied, moving over to his body.55

"What happens if I... leave him or something? Do I still have his soul."56

"Yes. It's not his anymore."57

"I just have it... like on me."58

"Next to yours."59

"All right..."60

No matter how romantic that sounds, if it's actually happening to you it doesn't sound all that great. My soul likes to be alone from time to time, and now it was to have a constant companion. And what if I realized I don't like him anymore. What do I do? Kill him?61

"Don't worry," the Grim Reaper said, "You're destined anyway."62

"Destined? What?" I asked him. 63

"He should be up in a minute," he said, instead of answering my inquiries, "He saw this whole conversation too, so he knows what's going on."64

"What were you talking about destiny?" I called after him as he left, "Come back here! Grim Reaper! Death! Come back here you idiot!"65

I sighed, he was gone he wasn't going to answer my questions. Damn Death, such a nuisance. Then I heard a rustle and I knew he was awake again. I remember feeling relieved, it wasn't a dream. So we reconciled. I apologized for killing him and he thanked me for being the new house of his soul. Nothing felt any different. But now he was dead and I was the keeper of his soul. But that is minuscule compared to the fact that we were finally going out, at least at that moment. I'm sure you can guess what we did to celebrate. Hehe.66