A Dark Night

A cold chill swept the room. Katyrin shivered and let out an abysmal sigh. A tear slid down her pale, bloodless cheek. Her hand reached up and brushed away the tear, smearing her dark purple eye shadow in the process. The wind picked up again, furiously tearing at tree branches, electrical lines and anything else standing in its way. The mobile home shook, the small window rattling. 1

A wolf howled in the distance, the sad cry rent the air. The girl answered, throwing her head back in an odd, inhuman manner, her white-blond hair, thrown back over her shoulder, her steady cry echoing eerily in the night. 2

A neighbors voice sounded through the melee of the storm.3

"Pa, getch yer gun, its dem wolves again."4

With a gasp, Katyrin threw herself at the door, her small body not even denting the metal door. She looked around the room for another escape route she might have missed. The full moon glinted through a high window, the light reflecting of her blood red eyes. The Transformation had begun.5

With a leaping bound she again flung herself at the door, this time she careened through the door, leaving a gaping hole behind her. 6

The Transformation was complete, she was whole again. Now shimmering white fur covered her entire body. Her eyes glinted blood red. Her pointed ears laid flat against her head, her cold black nose twitched as she inhaled deeply, determining the multitude of scents swirling around her.7

With a snarl that exposed her incisive fangs, she leapt away into the forest. A shot sounded, followed by a pained yelp. 8

"Rodrigo!" She howled into the dark. She closed her eyes and went into his body. She could feel his pain intertwined with her, their heart pumping, pushing more blood out of the wound with every beat. 9

No, it was his wound, not hers. With a jerk, she tore herself free of his grasping mind, and sank back into her own body, keeping the mental connection faintly in the back of her mind. She could feel his heat radiating into her mind, the mental image of his surroundings guiding her. 10

His pain flowed in to her mind, overwhelming her senses. With a jolt, she stumbled to the ground, her cry of pain drowned out by a peal of thunder. Lightning shot out of the sky, striking a rather lofty pine tree. An audible crack resounded as the tree keeled over, pinning Katyrin to the mossy forest floor. She moaned as she felt a few ribs crack, and with a burst of power she flung the tree off her, sending it careening into the forest. 11

Her muscles bulged as she sped off towards Rodrigo. Her feet pounding rhythmically on the soft dirt, leaving behind large wolfin paw prints. 12

“Fabio, Angelica!” Katyrin thought, sending out an SOS message to her pack mates. “Rodrigo is wounded.” 13

Two more howls rose, rebounding among the stars.14

Katyrin crashed into the clearing and stopped abruptly. A pool of blood diluted from the pelting rain glistened in the moonlight. A wavering trail of the sticky substance led away from the obviously painful incident. 15

Katyrin inhaled deeply, her nose quivering with the profusion of smells. A murky shadow of her werewolf friend was faintly visible in the omnipresent darkness.16

She padded up to him, and laid her head on his blood-matted chest. His heart beat slowly, too slowly. A shuddering breath escaped his cracked and bloody lips. 17

“Hang on old friend, Angelica and Fabio are coming.” Katyrin thought, tears soaking her already damp fur. 18

“I can’t” came the reply in her mind, “ Its best for me to move on, to go to the stars, where we belong.” 19

“No, Rodrigo, you can’t go. I love you.”20

“I love you too.”21

His heart slowed, missed a beat, and then stopped altogether. 22

“Nooooooooo!”  Katyrin, screamed, her deafening cry ringing out it the suddenly silent night. 23

“No.” This time it was spoken softly, barely audible, a mere whisper on the wind.24

Lupus, the wolf constellation glowed imperceptibly brighter in the southern sky, as if honoring his earthbound brethren on this full moon.

Author notes

Can you let me know if there are any spelling errors?

~MusicTennisPeace~
I know I have entered this in a lot of contests, but I really want the (helpful) comments and critisisms.

"Ich liebe alles"

"Cheetohs"


um, 'pigs are cute when they brush there teeth'

6.House of wolves


Currently my favorite author is either gail carson levin, Michael Buckly, J.K Rowling, (yes I could go on for a while) or Sarra Dessen.
My favorite book is probably at the moment Maximum Ride (toatlly amazing. all must read!)
My favorite movie might be 'get Smart!'

A contest entry

Please give me your honst opinion (withought being rude)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 43 of 43

  • kissedbyan angel
    November 17
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    It was a fabulous story, I loved the diolouge and everyhting. Great job and keep up the great work.

    -Jennifer out

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • HopefulSoul
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    OMJD! That was such an amazing read! I loved every sentece to death! I especially loved the little girl, Katyrin. Such a pretty name too! Great job and keep up the great work!

    Thankyou and Good luck!

    kokofuto


  • Shadow Pixie
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. I didn't notice any spelling errors, so well done. This was good. Thanks for entering!

    ~ Lí-Lí


  • Satan-chan
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    great!! me too. i don't really like Werewolves, I still like it... It is romance!! I love it!! Thank for entering in my contest.. Goood Luckkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!


  • LoopSidedSmile101
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    Well. I'm not a fan of warewolves but this is a great piece !
    And THAT was A LOT of contests !

    This was wonderful ^_^
    I loved it.


  • CallMeWhenUrRich gold member
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wow for two things:
    That was a lot of contests.
    And I the ending! Loved it, loved it!

    You did a great job with this! Good luck!


  • andhearts. ox
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    Well done. Well written.


  • Marisalyn13
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    Bad News: I'm being honest, it was a little hard on my eyes.
    Good News: This was a very good story! Good luck in my contest and all your other contest this story will be entering! I'm sure it will do good because I loved it!!! And a lot of other people probably did to!!! Fianlists list!!!


  • Carina.J.LR
    May 12

    Edit | Reply
    yes, you have entered this in alot of contests
    hehe, anyways, there isnt much too say, you are an excellent reader, though i am not a big fan of were wolves and J.K. Rowling... (sorry)

    Thanks for entering and goodluck

    -Carina


  • HaydenLautner
    May 9

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that's a lot of contests . This was a very well written, tragic story. The end was very sad. There is nothing that could be improved on, Very good job


  • Shadow-Kissed
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was wonderful. I love the description. Were the wolves bound together in some way? Sort of like mated or imprinted? I loved it whatever it was. Well done.
    Thanks for reading the rules and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • sberendt gold member
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    I liked what you have, but I think you should add more action/background info to it. Like Doombunny suggested. It would add so much to the story, and make it seem less rushed.

    The beginning part about her and the mobile home door was a bit odd, in my opinion. Escape route? Were the neighbors going to shoot her in her home?

    *You got brownie points for having something werewolf related in your story

    *brownie*

    Thank you for entering my contest!

    ~sberendt


  • VioletConcept
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. *has whiplash* Idk what that means, no asking me! Alright, its a bit over the top, if that makes sense. It was a pretty good read with a pretty ending. Great story and good luck in the contest!

    -Vio


  • Cupcake14
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    You have some grammar mistakes.

    I dunno, once in a blue moon someone takes offense to my comment and doesn't say why.

    Otherwise it was really good, but you need to cut down on that big 'Nooo'. It is a bit too dramatic, and it's also a bit funny(It would be too if you heard the same dialogue from the heroine in a book/movie/serial a hundred times). Don't take offense. Just the opinion of a reader who has an idea what some people might think while reading this story.

    And..this is something I've been telling a lot of people...EXPAND! Add something more about Kate and Rodrigo and their pack, and whether it was Kate's dad that shot her lover down or something. Like Irish Yndina said.

    DB

    • DeathByChocolate
      April 19
      Edit | Reply
      By rude i meant like "you suck" and stuff like that. Critism is good. Thanks you for the advice


  • Darkhearted
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    it would be a magnificent story if you made it longer.

    thanx for entering,
    cheyenne


  • Luci Ferraris
    April 1
    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this story, the only negative is... it was so damn short. Good job.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • powerpuffs
    March 30
    Edit | Reply

    lol

    it was odd ove

    Powerpuffs(Pp)
    Thanks for entering!

  • DeathByChocolate
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    lol. thanks for the comment


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Very good story, a little on the "Boone" side for me.. lol.. I'm a country bumpkin but I don't talk like that.. lol.. it made it realistic. Anyway, loved the characters and the story. I would back up a little bit on the super eager romantic parts, it was starting to look a little "Last of the Mohicans" there.

    Other that really, really good!! Obviously I love Twilight too, I'm on Edwards Team though.. lol..

    Good Job and Thanks for entering!!


  • Night Terrors
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    Werewolves are always cool. I think this was really a great story.

    The Positives:

    Had a lot of very nice images in this. I liked your insight to the werewolf's plight.

    The Negatives:

    Maybe to short to really tell the whole story. You could do a lot more with this. Your character's could be more developed I think as well.

    My Favorite Part:

    I really liked the whole thing, but I think my favorite thing about this is the white wolf. I just think that sounds pretty.

    beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 1.


  • poetry is soul
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    awww that was so sad. and white wolves are so pretty... i have a white werewolf in one of my stories as well. good job with this. its a good piece!


  • Vampiric souls
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is very interesting are really well written!! I found it a great great read!!
    Thank you so much for entering!!
    ~Souls!!


  • C.rimsonQ.uill
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This was really good. Even tho it was short, it was well written. I didn't spot any spelling errors just so you know. Thanx 4 entering! I really enjoyed this.


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    I've always found it interesting that cultures throughout the entire world believe that shapeshifting is possible - makes me wonder if maybe there is a bit of truth to the thought. Besides, werewolves make such good story characters. It almost feels like there is more story to this than what you give us in this short piece - some background, some "what comes next." Maybe some day you'll decide to expand it. Until then, it is enjoyable as is. Thanks for sharing, and welcome to Storywrite!


  • Juniper Cran
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Good job /,,/
    This reminds me of Farley Mowat's book Never Cry Wolf, hehheh
    Sad at the ending but really cool.


  • esimbf
    March 1

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    I enjoyed your interesting love story. I also see that you are a twilight fan which is a huge plus. I am gratefull that you entered my contest. Thank you and good luck.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    This was a really great story and my only suggestion would be to use smell more. You've only got one reference to it and it doesn't describe, just tells. I feel that smell really brings the reader into the story more.
    Thanks for entering and good luck with all the contest.
    Brooke


  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    Good morning Erin, welcome to StoryWrite and thanks for sharing this unusual ‘Love Story’ with us .

    You have a wonderful imagination and a talent for expressing deep emotion .

    Your characters are colorful, and wolves or not, easy to empathize with. The plot was easy to follow and held my interest to the end. The dialogue mixed in perfectly and sounded natural.

    You do need a bit of editing to make it saleable (don’t we all ).

    Good luck in all those contests roll and especially ours.

    Thumbup Geri (Greeter)


  • Savage
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with Lissibith, amazing story! I do disagree on one account, there was a perfect amount of description in it. You've done a brilliant job on this, certainly a piece of which to be proud.

  • Lissibith
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    Aww! That's so sad, but good. I especially liked your dialogue

    The first paragraph, I can see what you were trying to do, but it almost lost me because there was a *lot* of description and most of it wasn't really needed, so it was just delaying the reader from getting to the meat of your story.

    It was a really vivid tale, thanks very much for sharing it!

    beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • Atticus Unanimous
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    This was nice, vivid and emotional. I was confused though in one paragraph. Something about the main character biting Rodrigo? I understood she could feel his pain but the wording made it difficult to understand upon first read.


  • Rose Hathaway
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this! You described the pain and loss really well and as you obviously centered the story around that really strong, vivid emotion it was beautiful. Thanks for entering!

    --Nessie--


  • caitecola
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    wow. That was heart wrenching. I write stories about werewolves, vampires, all kinds of creatures, and my creatures love opposite creatures, kind of life opposite sex, but this was very well written. I enjoyed it very much.


  • LiveLoveJabberwocky
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    Ooh, very good! I really liked it. Great imagery. Good luck in your contests!

  • SilentMoonDance
    February 17

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting...

    A nice take on werewolves--now you make me want to write about them! Great descriptions and imagery, too.
    It's kind of sad that the wounded Rodrigo didn't survive.):
    Just one critique, maybe you should've extended this story...it would be better if you explained more--it seems like the reader just dropped in the middle of something.Smile


  • snoble
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    wow cool story. i could see it all happening. i could feel the pain of the gunshot wound. i could feel her pain when he died. this is a wonderful story

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

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