Ah, the wisdom of parents. I think young people will never learn its value until they’ve grown older. My parents were among the wisest. Despite this wisdom, they usually could simplify the teaching to the point that I could understand. I heard recently from someone else that said his dad had this same talent. He told me “My dad would always say ‘Listen, stupid!’”.1
Ok, so my dad never called me ‘Listen’, but he had quite a talent for getting his point across. Most of his idioms could be taken just as he said them, but I remember a few that gave me something to ponder long into my young adult days. I think I’ve finally gotten these worked out. I’ve found that many other people have been baffled when their parents told them these same things, so I decided I’d share what I’ve come to understand about our parents’ wisdom by explaining my dad’s favorite sayings.2
“Were you born in a barn?” It’s a dirty little secret, but I’ve finally concluded, yes, you were in fact born in a barn. However; that answer doesn’t excuse you from the intent of the question because barn doors have hinges too. So when hearing this question from dad, do what your mom would tell you: just turn your little fanny around and close the barn door.3
“Do you think we own the power company?” Now really, doesn’t that sound like a good thing to own? Just think of it. All the power you would ever want and you would never have an electric bill! Of course you’d want to be nice, so you’d discount all your friends’ bills. They’d tell their friends they could get their bills discounted, too, and they’d beg you until your very soul was grieved, and you’d discount all their friends bills as well. These friends would ask favors of your friends on behalf of their friends, and soon everyone’s bill would be discounted. That would mean they could all afford more power, so they wouldn’t gripe at their kids for leaving that light on in the bedroom when they left. This would cause a huge spike in electrical usage during peak hours which would overload the power grid causing transformers to overheat. Overheated transformers might explode bringing power down to whole sections of the city at once. If several of them exploded at once, it could cause surges in other parts of town where the transformers were still in tact. Surges cause a great deal of damage in electrical equipment, and can cause light bulbs to blow out as well. Now! See what you’ve done? The whole city is in the dark all because you don’t know a blankety blank thing about running a power company! Just be glad you don’t own the power company and turn out that light in your room like your mom told you!4
“Do you think I’m made of money?” Well, of course I do, and you said so yourself just the other day. Someone on the street in front of the house asked you how you were doing and you said “I feel like a million bucks.” Well, how else would you know how a million bucks feels? And of course, I’ve seen what happens to money when it stays in my wallet for a while. If you are made of money, that would explain a lot of those wrinkles. Don’t you even try to blame those wrinkles on me! You’ve already admitted it … You’re made of money! (I think I got you on that one, dad.)5
“When I was your age, we had to walk X miles barefoot against the wind into a driving snowstorm both directions.” Well, dad would never steer me wrong. If he said he had to walk X miles barefoot against the wind into a driving snowstorm both directions, then by gummy he had to walk to walk X miles barefoot against the wind into a driving snowstorm both directions! But honestly, I’ve never seen those weather conditions, and that really bothered me for a long time. Thank goodness the new generation of conservationist finally gave me the explanation that let it all fit together. I know why it doesn’t snow and blow like that anymore: Global warming. Wow, dad! I’m really glad you guys waited for global warming before having me.6
“If you keep crying your face is gonna freeze like that.” I have to admit, this one gave me some trouble especially when I was in engineering school. We learned formulas about the amount of heat required to be drawn off to cause water to freeze, and did a number of labs on freezing points. I had no idea what would cause the crying face to give up enough heat to actually freeze. Then, I realized that crying causes us to give off an increased amount of water vapor - a greenhouse gas. Well, as anyone who has watched “The Day After Tomorrow” can tell you … no … never mind. That one is too far fetched even for me. Dad, you still have me baffled on this one.7
“That lawn’s not gonna mow itself!” The lawn has a great life doesn’t it? It just lies out in the sun and gets thicker. Yeah, I could get into that life! I decided to try it. I was sprawled out in the shade when my wife said “Honey! You haven’t even shaved! We gotta get going!” Using my dad’s wisdom, I answered, “Honey, this face is not going to mow itself!” She didn’t answer, but let me tell you … I suddenly mowed that face and got ready in record time. Dad, I have to give you the secret to this one … if that little lady came at that lawn with a straight edge razor in her hand and that look in her eyes, that lawn WOULD mow itself – I guarantee you!8
Hopefully you can understand a little bit of your dad's wisdom now. I know I have a much better understanding now.9
Author notes
My assignment choices were to write about something young people need to know, but will probably never take seriously, or, write something funny. I decided to try to do both by putting a humorous twist on the first choice.
However; let me be clear: Neither my dad nor my wife are really like that. Both of them do have a great sense of humor, though.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it. This was a bit of fun. I need to do another fun one before I start on another serious one.
Thank you so much for stopping by. -
EXCELLENT!
Im cracking up, here ..What a delightful story..I laughed all the way through it..EXCELLENT WRITE...WRITTEN SO WELL! Thanks, for making me smile..I remember that one about freezing ~like that..lol I use to cross my eyes at my sister and my mom not dad , would say ya keep doing that and ya eyes, will freeze and stick like that LOL lol..lmbo lol...Awwwwwwwww, ya just made me have wonderful memories, of my mom and dad ..I thank you..
EXCELLENT WRITE! I enjoy your writes so much.. You, are very talented..
God bless you,
Betty -
This was a thoroughly enjoyable read Steven. It brought back so many memories of the things my Dad used to say to me and my brothers. Guess that generation all went to the same school. You know my Dad has been gone for years but there are times I'll still catch myself thinking, "I wonder what Dad would do in this situation?" Thanks for a delightful read. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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Thank you, my friend. I'm glad you liked it. I took the assignment for the contest, and was unsure at first because it was different from my normal writing. but then I realized I could take this and just pen the smart-alek banter that I might normally engage in with my dad. It was fun to write. I'm glad you liked it.
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I'm so glad I clicked on this one. What I take from this is: Take the salt with a pinch of humour. There's a very smooth flow, shows you write naturally, unpretentiously. It's obvious that you picked a few sayings of your dad and rolled with it rather than planning the whole thing detail by detail. I like that feel.
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well, maybe my older sister. Thank you my friend. I always appreciate your visits.
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Shoot, I remember telling these same lines to my kiddos....wa!!!I'm old enough to be your Mom...
You brought some vivid memories to mind with these famous words-good job...
Not sure how I missed not seeing this....but glad I saw it tonight. ~vj -
You didn't think this was serious?
Thank you my friend. I'm happy you liked it. All the best to you.
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Dear Steven,
Great stuff! I get so tired of stark seriousness that I almost embrace the comic strips on Sunday.
Thanks you for your intervention in my mid-week crisis!
Glad to read this!
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.
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Awesome piece. Loved it. Thanks for making me smile. Wish I'd thought of these when I was growing up.
Phrozen -
Thank you Chimaera. I'm glad you liked it.
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This is absolutely hilarious! I'm sending a link to this to my Dad!!
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Thank you Virginia. Your mother's axiom is very good, and very true. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading. I'm really glad you liked it.
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Soo funny!
Thanks for writing this wonderfully funny story about the unending wisdom of parents.You made my day!I really needed a good laugh today and you gave it to me.You have such a wonderfull versatile talent.Now I remember why I put you on my favorites list!God bless!By the way,the smartest peice of wisdom my mom gave to me was probably,"Experience is the best school.A fool will learn in no other."That advise saved me loads of pain. -
Thank you, my friend. I'm glad you enjoyed it. This was a lot of fun to write.
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These phrases brought back many memories. Made me laugh and teary eyed at the same time. The 2 I got nabbed at was closing that barn door and for not owning a piece of our power company. Very enjoyable read...sorry I have been bad at returning the favor...I'm working on doing better.
s and ♥
Willow -
Thank you so much, my friend. This was a lot of fun to write. I'm glad you liked it.
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Excellent Read
Steven, you always manage to make me feel something no matter what you write. In this case, I was laughing so hard...I could just imagine that last scene...lol. I really enjoyed this piece simply because I've been on the receiving end of those same pearls of wisdom
. As always I eagerly await to see what other gems drop from your pen.
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Thank you Margaret. It was a bit silly, but I had a lot of fun with it.
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I was looking for great pearls of wisdom that my parents neglected to tell me before I made my big mistakes... what I found was a great piece of dry humour. Well done, I enjoyed spending some time with you.
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THank you Max. I appreciate your clever, and encouraging comments.
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Your wit at it's sharpest. You think so far outside the box, it looks like an octagon. A very clever out-take on those cliches we so take for granted. I tip my hat to you.
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Thank you very much Liz. It's fun to get a little goofy sometimes. I had a lot of fun with this one.
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Thank you very much my friend. I'm glad you liked it.
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this is just too good...I love these expressions you went with because I sure know some of them from personal experience..and you put a perfect spin on them.
Great work...Steven.
LIZ -
hahaahh, i wouldn`t like to meet your wife, everyone will relate to this excellent stuff, we want more !!!
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Thank you very much Bonnie. I will keep looking at it to try to tighten it up. I'm glad you liked it. I was about to leave it thinking maybe it was a little too far out to be much appreciated. However; I'll keep looking at it. Thank you for your editor's eye, and for the encouraging comment.
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Wonderful Read
Oh, Steve, how I remember all those silly cliches! I think I even used one or two with my own children: "You'd feel funny if your eyes froze like that," meaning they had crossed their eyes in disdain at some chore or other that I'd given them.
Over all, this is a great write that flows rather well. It could use a small amount of tweaking to tighten it up just a tad more. And, from an editor's perspective, I would suggest the fourth paragraph be broken up into about 3-4 separate units. Long paragraphs cause readers to more easily lose his or her place resulting in reader frustration.
You definitely have talent, Steve; so, keep working at refining it!
Love and hugs, B♥nnieQ 
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Thank you Fridazechild56. I appreciate the comment. I'm glad you liked it.
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This was a great write and brought a smile to my face. Now let's hear what your mom had to say. Really, though. I enjoyed reading this. It brought back old memories. Great work!
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Thank you very much, Kimberly. This was a lot of fun to write. I'm glad you liked it.
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This is sooo cute. I love it!! As I was reading through here, it was my dad's voice that I was hearing speak some of those lines. Did our parents all learn this stuff from the same book or what??? This was great Steven! You have filled my mind with happy thoughts and firmly planted a smile upon my face. I have truly enjoyed reading you and getting up to speed on your works. You are a very talented writer my friend.
♥ Kimberly -
Yes, I was still messing with getting that cleared up. The problem is that I use my computer to write in Korean, then when I come on this site, it wants to default to unicode for me. The problem is that it defaults to ISO 8000 for everyone else which makes my quotation marks illegible. I got it fixed now.
Thanks for the critique. I really appreciate it. -
Just Pre-Judging
You know, that is some really silly stuff! There's some really weird symbols appearing all over the place, but I think if you go in and edit it, it'll clear up. Other than that, I'd say that was something along the lines of good! I'm going to be laughing whenever I hear those sayings now! 
Especially as that my folks love using them!
Grading:
Grading:
PG-18...Yes...20/20
Cursing...No...20/20
Grammaticks...Good...20/20
Info...Yes...20/20
Personal...Silly/Hard to Read...15/20
TOTAL--->95/100
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