[ Once upon a time there was a bad guy and a good guy.1 ]

Once upon a time there was a bad guy and a good guy.1

The bad guy said,"I'm gonna shoot ya,good guy."2

So the good guy said,"When you talk all I hear is 'Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah- .' "3

So the bad guy got sick of hearing this crap and shot the author AND the good guy.4

The End.

Author notes

Mango's of Madness

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Silent Hunter
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    o..kay... lol
    not what i was looking for though. I wanted an NBC Heroes Fan-Fic...so I'm just gonna go ahead and removes this...


  • crazy.hott.salsa
    February 21
    Edit | Reply


  • VampireFriends
    February 19
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm... To be honest, I think this could do with a little comedic development. I can see what you are trying to do, but to be honest, it doesn't really work for me. You should maybe extend the opening and ending lines a little.
    Not really worthy of very high marks, I'm afraid.


  • Mag the Chodja gold member
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    Ok, LMFAO.
    Now that that's out of the way - I disagree with Valkyrie. Considering this story is likely meant as a cheap laugh - and laugh I did xD - all those 'blah's really makes it dumb and comical and drives the punchline (shooting the good guy and the author) right home. Sometimes a story piece doesn't need to be shortened - if you make it too formal and too professional, a lot of the initial meaning and feeling of the story is lost in translation.

    Now, as a story piece, it's got nothing. Sorry. xD
    I think the faults are pretty obvious, but this certainly brightened up my morning. I was getting angry because my co-worker keeps talking even though I'm obviously reading - so thanks for that. *two thumbs up*

    p2 You gotta put a space between "ya," and "good". "ya, good"

    p3 Another space between "said," and ""When". "said, "When"

    Oh, and one more suggestion - you used a dash to cut off the blahs. Now, with that many blahs, the reader is just going to skim and will miss that dash (I did). I recommend the dash -and- a an emphasized 'bang!' to cut him off, and then explain that the bad guy shot you both. xD

    [Entered: Sycophancy of an Immortal]


  • Valkyrie silver member
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    Ha ha ha! Awesome. Who knew that the good guy had such a giant set of lungs. He never had to inhale! Totally. Ay. Mayzing.

    p2, you need a space after "ya,"

    I like the dramatic effect of having so many "blah"s in there, but if you want, you can shorten the story up a lot by saying:

    So the good guy said, "When you talk all I hear is 'Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah..." He continued like this for seventeen minutes.

    So the bad guy got sick of hearing this crap and shot the author AND the good guy.

    Although I guess maybe he shot the author to stop him from typing any more "blah"s, so hey. It's got that going for it.

    My story was: Anasazi: Last Lament.

1 - 5 of 5