by Geri Fitzsimmons & Andy Stephenson1
The storm rushed down from the mountainous upstate region of New York bringing cooler air, while it bathed the city proper in large splashing raindrops. Nature’s shower came so quickly, rivers of sparkling water rolled over the sidewalks and down the curbs.2
Brad Benson darted from his car, across the parking lot, and into the side door of precinct 66. He’d finished up some paper work at his own desk this morning so he’d be free to join Farley. Powers-that-be had decided the investigation should be worked out of 66 for reasons known only to them. Unprepared for the change in the weather, his thin shirt was quickly soaked and plastered against his skin changing its whiteness to pink. His coppery-shaded hair had taken the heaviest dose of rain that now looked rusty as it leaked onto his shoulders. “Fucking weather,” he mumbled and shook himself like an irritated dog.3
Joe Farley had been coming from the evidence room. He paused in the hall to eye Benson and give a sharp laugh before he said, “Teach you to be late. I came in before seven…the sun was shining then.”4
“Yeah…right.” Benson decided against making excuses even if they were the truth. He wasn’t giving Farley the edge by explaining his own actions. They held the same rank and were sharing responsibility for this investigation--damn if he’d let the older guy run the show.5
Farley shrugged. “Towels in the locker room,” he said. “I’ve got a dry shirt in my locker. You are welcome to use it. Offer pants . . .” He grinned as he let his eyes travel up Benson’s tall lean frame. “But you’d look weird in ‘High Waters’.”6
“Right,” Benson said but thought. ‘Weirder still holding them up with one hand.’7
“Your guys showed up on time,” Farley continued as he followed Benson into the locker room. “I put them to work. Tomaino’s parked on Goodwin until we finish checking him out, and the rookie is on the computer doing traces on the radio show’s personnel. They have a young fellow, kind of a gofer, Josh Hammond I’m curious about.” 8
Benson retrieved a shirt from Farley’s emergency supply in locker 216. He checked the collar for the XL that seemed to be the modern equivalent of fits all and then pulled his own shirt off as Farley tossed him a towel. Rain, no matter how hot the temperature, tends to turn freezing when it connects with skin and Benson rubbed vigorously with the towel at goose-bumped flesh.9
“I had Hayes and Hamlin pay a return visit to the Crisis Center early this morning. Figured they could question the crew that was on the night Michelle called,” Farley said. “Who’ll be tired, unprepared, and less apt to be thinking up excuses.”10
“Makes sense.” Benson finished shoving the shirt into his waistband. “You got decent coffee around here?” 11
“It may turn your hair black, but it’s drinkable.” Farley preceded his new partner on a slight tour of the building. As they entered the operation center to locate a coffee machine, the officer on duty answered the ringing phone.12
“You got a call Joe.” The desk sergeant indicated with the receiver he held. “Shall I put it through to your office?”13
“I’ll take it here.” He set his cup down and stepped to the desk. “Sergeant Farley.” He acknowledged the caller.14
“Joe, this is Janet Marshall, M. E.'s office." There was excitement in her voice. "As you know by my report, I was able to determine the same chemical mixture in similar amounts killed those women?"15
Farley said, "Right. Have you found something new?" 16
“I’m able to label the drug combination for you. We’ve isolated the brand. It's Norvasc a blood pressure medication. Fairly new on the market, there is no generic at this time."17
Blood pressure medicine? Farley pondered. A prescription drug?18
After a minute, Janet said, "Are you there?"19
"Yes, still here. By no generic, you mean it can only be purchased under the brand name?"20
"Precisely. And it isn’t a drug of choice to treat young, skinny, and active women. If these are assisted suicides, it has to be someone with access to a large amount of Norvasc.”21
Joe's heart skipped a beat. It was a major break. Was there another Dr. Kavorkian out there? Now they knew what had killed the women, they had to find out how that much of the drug was obtained and by who. "Janet, that's marvelous. I could kiss you."22
"Promises, promises." She giggled then became serious. “Joe, there isn’t a whole lot of ways to obtain large amounts of a prescription drug. No MD is going to prescribe a lethal dose. Pharmacies have buy and sell ledgers. Samples would mean a drug rep or doctor’s office connection.”23
"Thanks."24
"You're very welcome and I'm gonna hold you to that kiss."25
26
27
Benson left Farley with his phone call, and headed for the sergeant’s office. In an open anteroom before the offices started, he came upon a familiar face bent into a monitor. “How’s it going Cody?” He leaned down to study the screen. 28
The rookie looked up and grinned at his boss. “Thought you could ride tail,” he said. “Farley’s got you beat three ways from tomorrow. My butt’s been glued to this chair since seven.”29
“Anything interesting?”30
“Farley can cross out Josh Hammond. He’s Old man Connelly’s sister’s kid. Junior at Princeton, he’s only been in the city three weeks. I traced him back to high school. Carries a 3.9 average and is so squeaky clean he’s never had so much as a speeding ticket.”31
“Who else did you look into?”32
“Mark Gheil. The producer. He arrived from California eighteen months ago, the dirty book has it he made some costly goofs on a couple of movies—came here looking for a break in TV. He’s still trying there. He was producing a few weekly radio shows, when Connelly approached him about Harris’s talk show.”33
“Business—what about personal life?” Farley asked as he stopped beside them. He set a cup of black coffee next to the computer. “Figured you could use some.”34
Cody Vaughn distastefully eyed the coffee but didn’t admit he’d prefer a Coke. “Gheil likes the ladies,” he answered. “He was only married for two years when his wife filed for divorce. Infidelity bought her a generous settlement. Then for about four years he operated a pretty active Bachelor pad with a swing shift. Seems last November he met a lady lawyer and not only does it seem an exclusive; but she moved in with him recently.”35
Farley let out a whistle and snickered. “You found all that out in a few hours without leaving that chair?” It wasn’t meant as a question. “Damn—give you a week and you can give us the complete background dirt on the Joint Chiefs.” 36
“Cody’s good,” Benson agreed. “Make hard copy on what you have.” He gave the rookie’s shoulder a light punch. “Drop it in the office. Then get out of here. Get yourself some lunch. You can tackle Harris when you get back.”37
“Harris?” Farley remarked as they walked down the hall of the detective division. Remodeling, a few years back, had created several walls of windows to allow daylight to cut down on the use of electricity. Still, a light bulb brightly lit a desk area occupied or not twenty-four-seven. No one noticed. “If it wasn’t for Neil, I wouldn’t have got involved.”38
“The Doc’s your friend Joe,” Benson reached into the drawer of Joe’s desk and removed the smokeless astray. He tapped out a cigarette from the shiny green package. He was making himself to home. “Friends can outfox the fox. I’m not saying Harris has anything to do with the murders—believe me I’d like to clear him—the faster the better. The more we know didn’t do it the tighter becomes the group who may have.” Benson sat down at a desk next to Farley’s that’d been emptied out just that morning. He lit his Kool.39
“I ran Neil through records myself,” Farley said. “A couple of parking tickets he paid. Had a break-in a few times at his office. He doesn’t keep drugs there, so they vented their anger and didn’t take much else. That’s New York.” 40
“He’s a Psychiatrist—a licensed professional means he can write prescriptions.”
In a list
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Hey Kids,
Good chapter here. I like the changes you've made. I did notice a few things you might want to look at.
Para3-line His hair had taken the heaviest dose of rain that now looked rusty as it leaked onto his shoulders. I would strike 'that' and replace it with 'and'
Para10-line3 (JMHO) I think 'they'll' reads better here.
Para17 Very good. I like the way you handled the drug thing here.
Para38 The transition from this para to the next is rather abrupt. They are walking down the remodeled hall and then Benson is reaching into the desk to get an ash tray. Maybe open the next para (39) with-"The Doc's your friend," Benson said as they entered Farley's office...
Para39-line5 The more (people) we know didn't do it, the tighter becomes the group who might have.
That's it.
Steve

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forgot my applause

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o.o wow...that was powerful, I was drawn right in. I am really REALLY looking forward to reading more. This was awsome. I always love your work.
Karebear -
Perfection
I love this chapter. I love how you make everything seem so real. As though you were there making the finding yourselves!!!!

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Hi there again!
Geri is a terrific writer. Most of the time I give her bits and pieces and she turns them into a real classy piece of writing. We seem to make a good team, but I feel that Geri carries more of the load.
Thanks for all the applause.
Andy
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Aha, I know who's looking good for this, but probably isn't our killer... timing's off.
I'm wondering (again, whoops) about the last sentence. Once again, it's a chapter ending, so I feel like it needs more power- and you've got something powerful with that statement. What you might need is more suspense on that phrase. At the very least, there could be a stop in the flow, a pregnant pause. [a licensed professional- means he can write...]. Better would probably be [...professional. Means he can write...] Maybe an action on the part of Benson would even be better. Benson's got a cigarette in his hand, he could take a draw or blow out a smoky breath, right between delivering the fact (licensed professional) and the conclusion (can write prescriptions).
Now that I think about it, that seems to be what the break between Psychiatrist and a licensed professional is... I didn't see it because it reads more like "a licensed professional" is an elaboration on Psychiatrist, rather than a subject for the action "means". Maybe adding something along the lines of "being" before "a licensed" would make that pregnant pause stand out more. I think I'd still like to see Benson keeping Farley in suspense by breaking up the fact and conclusion more, like by pausing and doing something before continuing. Maybe even having Farley say something along the lines of "so?" or "and a damn good one" would further intensify the final reveal.
Now that I have thoroughly dissected a single sentence (oh Lord, you must hate me), I'll continue on to the next chapter and see how Farley reacts to this. Neil being the killer would be a clever twist, and a sad one as well. I'm pretty sure the timing's off on that suspect as well though, at least from the readers POV.

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Hi!
I read this comment earlier, but I'm just now getting around to replying.
I agree that the last sentence needs changing. It really doesn't read very well. At the very least, it needs different punctuation.
We'll be polishing up the second draft soon and marketing it. At the moment, I'm not quite certain what I'd like to do with that sentence.
Thanks for bringing it to our attention.
Andy
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Excellent as always...


beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi Artaq!
I see that you're progressing through our novel. We appreciate it. Thanks for all the applause.
I like
s! The black one in your picture looks like a kitten.
Andy
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Good, Good, Good!
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Thanks, Thanks, Thanks!
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So they are finally cracking on with it! I like your other reader, like the fact that Neil is now a 'person of interest' with Farley's conflicted interests, this should make it very delightful to read with possible conflicts from within! They seem like the perefect team but I get the feeling that something is brewing underneath. Can't wait to read more.
Mike
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Hi Mike!
How are you?
It's raining today
here.
Would Neil kill these women and then call it to Farley's attention? Hmm. Can't tell you
. It could be a clever way of trying to throw suspicion off of himself, I suppose. Well, Benson isn't going to leave it unchecked.
Glad to have you with us today.
Andy
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First of all, I love the twist you've put in this by making Neil a person of interest to this investigation. I also liked the analogy to Dr. Kavorkian. I grew up in Michigan hearing about his case. Don't take my next words as an insult.
Edit, edit, edit!
I'm seeing the same misplaced commas again as I saw in the last chapter. They seem to always come before or after the word "when". Here's the specific sentence:
He was producing a few weekly radio shows, when Connelly approached him about Harris’s talk show.
Simple fix: no comma.
Next a note about proper nouns.
He’s Old man Connelly’s sister’s kid. <- In this sentence, Old Man Connelly is this person's "name". For that reason, Man should also be capitalized. It has become a proper noun.
Last, a brief correction:
Nature’s shower came so quickly, rivers of sparkling water rolled over the sidewalks and down the curbs. <- In this case, the word "so" doesn't make sense. The sentence should read as follows:
Nature's shower came quickly, rivers of sparkling water rolling over the sidewalks and down the curbs.
Again, hope this helped.
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Hi Rainy!
Thanks for pointing out our comma blunders. It so easy to stick one in the wrong place or leave one out.
I've thought about 'Nature's shower came (so) quickly' and I can't decide if I like the way it reads better with 'so' or without it.
Andy
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