Like a Bird, A Bad Dream

Missing image
As I wipe away my tears, I know it's for the best. 1

Leaving me here.. just like a party guest. 2

Like I don't exist anymore, is how you make it seem. 3

If thats the case I'll leave, like I'd never dream.4

To see you outta my life, how could I not see? 5

I thought you and I were for real, meant to be.. 6

Guess I was wrong, I tried to put up a fight.. 7

Like a bad dream.. I said none of this was right.. 8

So there you go like a bird at the end of the year. 9

Will you come back? That's my biggest fear.. 10

So I guess this is it. 11

Forever and always.. the words don't fit. 12

With your arms.. holding me tight.. 13

Thinking of you only makes me turn white.. 14

We've had our share of fun.. 15

But I guess our time is done.. 16

Good luck in the future.. 17

Please keep your heart pure.. 18

I love you now as my heart begins to bend.. 19

But as for the story.. well, this is the end. 20

Author notes

Well, a bad Valentine's for me, was when my boyfriend dumped me on Valentine's Day.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • crystalsycamore2
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting poem - I definetely like the story aspect and it fits really well with my contest. Sorry about what happened though. Valentine's day is overrated anyways - just another hallmark holiday! I'm sure you'll find somebody much better (if you haven't already).

    I don't know much about poetry, but my one advice would be to try out different styles outside of the AABB rhyming pattern, just because I feel like you're trying to come up with words to make the rhyme work. If you try out other styles, such as free verse maybe, it'll help you be free with your writing, become more eloquent and articulate, and then when you've done that for a while, try going back to this form. The idea is to make the rhyme work for you, you know?

    Outside of that, great job and it was a pleasure to read your poem. Good luck in the contest!


  • Cupcake14
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    Oh man..it's okay, there must be a hundred million guys eligible for you. I could almost hear one of those breakup songs playing in the air!
    Best of luck in the contest!


  • Lois.Stone
    February 25
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was really good! I love it!

    Loisx


  • Jennywinnie
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    Wow,

    this really caught my attention. Good word play, and strong emotion!

    Great job! Good luck in my contest


  • Cadburry melted
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    this is my kindah stuff but be careful when u r writing not to use slangs outtah is not a wrd in de english language lol. i like tho although its a poem I LOVE!!!!!


    • Artificial.Smiles. gold member
      February 13
      Edit | Reply
      That was the only "slang" word I used, but thanks And plus, you used the word de in your comment, not really a word either >:]


  • Robin Omallia
    February 13
    Edit | Reply
    Did you read any of the rules?
    I liked it, but it shouldn't have been entered in my contest.


    • Artificial.Smiles. gold member
      February 13
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, I did read the rules, and it fit the criteria except for the word limit/minimum

      • Robin Omallia
        February 13
        Edit | Reply
        No poetry. Sorry. I just find it weird to compare it to stories.
        But I did really like this poem. It was really powerful and very well written.

  • TheDecree
    February 12

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This is superb. I love the rich emotion, and the compelling sadness. This is very touching in a very sad way. And very, very forlorn.

    Nice job (:


  • TyShade
    February 12
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...

1 - 11 of 11