Alura bowed low and backed out of the room, closing the heavy door behind her. Faeria turned and looked down out of the casement, contemplating a possible escape route. Vines were growing along the stone walls but she doubted that they would support her weight if she tried to climb down, even though she was a very small person. Besides, she was terrified of heights. There seemed to be no getting around it. She was going to have to face him--whoever he was.2
She moved towards the door and one of her ladies-in-waiting opened it for her. She peered down the hall before she slipped along the dark stone passageway who's only light source was flickering torches fastened at intervals along the wall by brass holders. Her seven maids of honor followed at a respectful distance. She wished they were closer. She was afraid of these dark passages, even though she knew it was silly to be afraid. Princesses weren't supposed to be afraid.3
She wondered who the visitor was that her uncle insisted upon her seeing. Lately her uncle had been hinting of contemplating arranging a marriage of state, with her as the prize. He had made many enemies in his rule, and he desperately needed allies. The only way to make an alliance was to marry a royal daughter with a royal son. Since she was the only unmarried royal, she was the one her uncle was negotiating. So far, negotiations had gone nowhere, but now there was this mysterious ambassador she was suddenly summoned to meet.4
She arrived at last at the two heavy doors with huge brass lions embedded in the wood with rings in their jaws to serve as knockers. She paused for a moment, staring at the angry bold faces, hoping to draw some sort of courage from them. Then she nodded at the doorman to open the doors and usher her into the grand throne room in which King Oswald VI, her uncle, recieved distinguished guests.5
The doors opened and she and her ladies entered. King Oswald sat erect on his gilded throne, and what seemed like innumerable lords and ambassadors and dukes and earls stood around the perimeter of the room, all silent and staring and she gracefully glided up to the throne that sat next to King Oswald's, and took her place beside him, almost too nevous to breathe.6
"My lady, I would like to present to thee Charlcliff, the ambassador of Chardonni, here on behalf of His Royal Majesty Henri XII." King Oswald announced in his booming deep voice. A short, portly gentleman boldly trotted up to the two thrones to the thunderous applause of all present. 7
He bowed low before her. "Your humble servant is most honored, and truly grateful to have the tremendous privilege of being in thy wondrous presence and to partake of thy generous hospitality and to present thee with His Royal Majesty's most sincere and affable salutations." he announced pompously in a nasal voice.8
Faeria couldn't resist wondering how long it took him to memorize his greeting. He bowed again and kissed Faeria's extended hand. "Thy beauty is not in the least exaggerated, my lady. Thou art truly the fairest of all women!" the assembled nobility clapped politely to show they agreed. Faeria smiled but inwardly recoiled at the touch of the ambassador's moist lips on her hand. She never had minded the other ambassadors especially, although her shy person hated being on display, but this ambassador made her skin crawl. 9
"May I present the portrait of His Majesty to thy ladyship," Charlcliff clapped his hands twice and a page scuttled from the corner and presented him with a large frame covered with a red velvet drape. With the air of one presenting a Botticelli, he drew off the curtain with a flourish. "Wa La!" quoth he.10
His Royal Majesty Henri XII was neither young nor handsome. Faeria knew that artists always made nobility seem more handsome than they really were, and she wondered what he must really look like, if the picture was this ugly. He must be about thirty-five at least, and his face was round and pudgy. His eyes were close together and his mouth was a hard line.11
Charlcliff beamed. King Oswald chortled and rubbed his hand together with glee. "What thinkest thou, my lady?" he asked in an overly-delighted tone, "Is he not most handsome and dashing?" Faeria felt all eyes on her and her face turned pink with embarrassment. She could not tell Charlcliff and the entire court that she thought him most unattractive and risk her Uncle's anger, but neither could she tell a lie. She had never told a lie in her life and she certainly couldn't now. 12
Suddenly the court broke into loud applause. King Oswald beamed even bigger,which made him look quite frightening. "Good, good!" he rubbed his hands together some more. She was startled. She had said nothing! Then she heard snatches of murmurs rippling through the assembled royals. "Dids't thou see how she did blush rosy pink when she beholded the face of the king? She is in love with him assuredly!"13
Charlcliff replaced the draped and returned it to the page, who scampered away, abashed. Faeria was in shock, but kept her countenance. King Oswald loudly called to all "Let us all dine and celebrate this happy occasion!" 14
Faeria's mind was swirling. What happy occasion? Was her uncle really serious in carrying out this match? Surely not--alliances such as these took years to complete. Besides,her uncle had no authority to marry her off. What could she do now that it had gone this far? She must do something--anything!15
They entered into the grand dining hall and Faeria took her place at her uncle's right. Her Uncle sat at the head of the table in a throne-like oak chair, but when everyone was seated, he pushed back his chair and raised himself up to his full stature.16
"Lords, ladies, assembled guests," he announced, "I have this day a joyous proclaimation to make. I have an arranged a betrothal between His Royal Majesty Henri XII and my neice, Princess Faeria! The negotiations have been going on for quite some time, but now King Henri's ambassador and I have finalized the agreement, and thou didst all see her blush when she beholded the King's face! What say you all?" There were bursts of cheers and claps from the assembled nobility.17
Faeria's mind reeled. 'He had NO RIGHT!' she kept thinking over and over. Suddenly she stood up and walked out of the grand dining room. Her ladies quickly followed. The cheers died away and she heard her uncle declare jovially "Methinks she is overwrought with joy!" The court broke into cheers with renewed vigour.18
She was overwrought, but certainly not with joy. Her uncle was a tyrant. He thought he could get away with anything. He supposed her too weak and timid to oppose him. 'But everyone has their limits!' She thought. 'But what can I do?' There must be something. In all her life Faeria had never opposed anyone. But even the meekest people have their breaking points, and when they reach them, woe to anyone who stands in their way!19
She threw herself on her canopied bed and pulled off the headress she was wearing and let he long golden hair flow free. Dismissing all her maids, she closed her starry violet eyes and began to plan a rebellion.20
Author notes
So what do you think? Is there too much description? Is it boring? What do you think about Faeria? Is she a good protagonist? Is the story too far fetched? I don't know if this is good or not. I love to tell my siblings made up stories set in this period but I've never written one down. This is only a rough draft, so comments and suggestions are appreciated.
A contest entry
- Kill That Cupid by Luckyk.
950 points, ended March 1, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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wow i can like totally see this place it's wonderful and it feels real to me. I love the way you've written this. I can picture every person in my head clearly
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I loved it. I want to read on!!!!! I love the character Faeria. I could not take my eyes off the page!!Keep on writing


beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Wonderful!
This sounds like the beginning of an epic, Old World tale, and maybe a romance? I can just picture a handsome knight sweeping her off her feet!
I like Faeria, she sounds very strong, while having the restrictions that the reader can identify with. The dialogue brings some flowery fun to the tale, so that it's not very serious. That's a good thing because the mood is just right with what's going on.
The descriptions really put you in Faeria's shoes, and it really sets the scene. I wouldn't get rid of them at all. I'm impressed because your descriptions all seem so accurate. I wasn't bored throughout, and the portrait scene was delightful.
However, in the last two paragraphs, maybe make her anger a little more real? Try describing it in a way so that the reader can actually feel it themselves. Maybe insert a sentence that's like "Her blood boiled with anger" or something equally as powerful.
This is a very cute tale, and I hope to see more!

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in line ten, it's Voi' la, but I love how you spelled it the way people murder it.
In line thirteen, replace beholded with beheld.
You have a good base to build upon, as far as stroy element goes. You just have to work on polishing and sculpting. A good idea to try as far as your dialogue would be to read a book using Archaic or Middle-English texts. Or anything purportedly Medieval, for that matter. Canterbury Tales or anything by Shakespeare are great examples. Boning up by reading examples of the dialogue you're attempting to use here would greatly help you when creating sentences of your own. You've done a great job thus far, but the goal here is to help polish.
Nicely done, love.
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I think it's very interesting
and well written. Its written in a very believeable dialect for the time period and I found no mistakes. It kept my interest all the way through and I am anxious to find out what happened next. Good storytelling

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is greeeaaaat! There is sort a little bit more descriptions than most stories have, but the way you wrote thier speeches is amazing. This story has very good start, and i am looking foward to read more. Please do tell me when the next part is out.


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i think its all very good, there's not too much description and it certainly wasn't boring. i like faeria, she seems strong-willed but caught in a trap and this piece was written excellently for the most part, the end paragraph i thought could be extended a little, maybe describe how she arrived at planning a rebellion, how she's planning it through sheer desperation and describe those emotions?
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I want to know more about Faerias opinions on things, what others think.
Opinion, opinion, opinion.
I want to know Faeria's personality better, is such a rebellion common for her? Or is this something she does as a desperate meaure?
Not so much detail as to what things look like, but to as people's souls and personality.
Otherwise good, revise it, it has some spelling mistakes, some grammar problems, ect. -
There's never too much description! I could picture it so well! But maybe could weget to know Faeria a bit better ?


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Ok thanks for that suggestion. I'll add a little more characterization.
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Well...
This is a nice start, if a little jumbled.
You have a bunch of misspelling in paragraph 20, and somewhere in this story, you wrote "who's" instead of "Whose" (Don't worry, I make the same mistake all the time).
I think this piece is a good starting idea, and I was truly interested in the princess and what was going on around her. Your writing was good enough to suggest this story as a period piece, but like you said, it does seem like a rough draft.
Still, I enjoyed reading it.(:
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Do you have any suggestions regarding organization? I have to put a lot of background in, but I don't know quite how to fit it in an interesting way. the story gets better from here.
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