The steam rose as the melodic flow of the soft jazz music filled the dark room. Intertwined in each others legs and bedsheets the young couple brought their new relationship to unsought heights. With wet and carnal desires he slipped into her like a warm knife through butter. The lips of her lower extremities lusciously enveloped his girth with the tightest squeeze. Erotic moans of fulfillment reigned as each of their most vivid desires were met. 1
With the tender touch of her ever soft lips she worked her way down, past his racing heart and washboard stomach until she was 2 and 1/2 feet above his shin. As she worked her tongue she took him away to utter paradise. Every voluptuous movement she made brought him closer to releasing his gift.2
Continuing her azuric fellatio, her pleasure was brought to a psychedelic high as he began to enchant her love box with soft kisses and invigorous fondlence. Both in semblant ecstasy they reached the climax of their coitus and released the pleasures of their equivocal eventide.3
Author notes
part one of my 5 part erotica series, if u like this one stay tuned for the latest updates 
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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man fuck luna this is the shit
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unimpressive
Well, I could go with the chorus and say that I like this one, but I honestly had a few problems with it. It's okay I guess, glad to know you are going to rewrite it.
1. Those funky A things, what are they and what are they doing in the write?
2. You use too many cliches, usually frowned upon in poetry, and since you intend on making this a poem I'd try to find fresher ways of saying what you want to say. ex. knife through butter
3. Who measures where her lips are? 2 1/2 feet? come on, just say her eyes met your c**k and enveloped it. (not sure if cussing is allowed in comments)
4. This write needs to go through a spell check really badly. There are words that don't even make sense.
5. Make this fresh, it sounds like every single other blow job read I've seen. Make me believe it, want to be in it. Trust me, you'll like it better too.
--luna
Edited on Jun 10, 3:34 p.m. because ''. -
overalll awesome write interesting word choice overall more sensual than raunchy but theres a few parts that are definitely odd for such a poem like the mention of butter but overall i loved this write has high potential looking forward to more
~*chrissy*~ -
I agree with the other posts, this is wonderful. It's erotic in a nice way :-) Keep up the writing, I'll be sure to tune in......
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WOW!!!!!!!!! your good at that.... *coughs and fixes tie* anywho, dat is very...... effective lol. your a good writer, especially when erotic stuff can come out slutty! ive got an erotic story too... dats weird... if your checking it out its part two of The Woman Behind The Auburn Door , thanks, well done and keep it up!
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Great work on this one! you use such descriptive words! I don't usually enjoy reading erotica, but this doesn't seem like erotica. You make it sound so poetic and beautiful. Good job!!!
~T.Z.
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WOW... This is awesome!!! I really like this!!! It is very sensual and it is more sensual than raunchy.... LOL... Great job!!!
Beth -
Many applauses =-)
I must say an awesome write and great word choice
"psychedelic high, fellatio, coitus, carnal desires..." are just a few examples.
You were able to create a world of imagery in such a tasteful manner. Awesome job!
Def. looking forward to seeing your other writes
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