Making a life for yourself

He raped me again. I screamed, but he didn't care. I guess my life is going to turn out exactly like my mothers. She was in a horrible relationship too. Her boyfriend would beat her, my brother and I. I've never had a good life, lived on the streets my whole life.1

My brother died when a rival gang did a drive by. My mother died of an overdose. I have tried so hard to make something of my life, but the truth is that I am going to end up exactly like the rest of my family...hurt, scared, and sooner or later...dead. I have tried to get away from Chris so many times, but he has so many friends that drag me back to him. Chris has a lot of money and money is power.2

I met Chris outside of school, he seemed pretty cool. He was sweet and loving, looking back I find it hard to believe that he was ever like that. After about a year of going out, I moved in with him. That's when he changed, from then on I was known as his bitc*. 3

I couple of times the neighbours heard me screaming and called the cops. Not because they were worried about me, but because it was disturbing their sleep. When the cops came to our house Chris told me to keep my mouth shut, other wise he would hurt me again. The police came in. I ran out of the room, crying. I blurted to the police how Chris beats me and rapes me. The police stared at him. Chris handed them a cheque, and the police left with out a single word.4

"I told you to keep your mouth shut", he laughed. I was in pain for 2 hours, I couldn't walk properly for a couple of days, after that. I realized that he had much more power than I thought. I had to think of another plan. After considering killing myself, I decided that killing him would be better. I knew I would be scared, but I needed to do this. Not only for me, but for the other people he will hurt. If I kill him, that would be great. If he kills me, I will no longer be in pain.5

The night of my plan to kill him,Chris raped me again this time I was silent. I Plotted against him through the agonizing pain. He fell asleep 20 minutes after. I grabbed a knife. I stood over him, sweating as I panicked. 6

"One slash across the throat", I whispered to myself. I held up the knife and closed my eyes. I went to dig down, but his arm caught my wrist. He was angry. He beat me again, longer and harder. 7

For months he was cautious of me, until it finally slipped his mind. He told me to make him something to eat. I was ready, I had spent so much time looking for ways to kill him, that I had found the perfect way. I filled his food with as many tasteless drugs as I could. Compliments of the rich neighbor that forgot to get her drug mail. He ate it. The drugs took a while to kick in but when it did he fell asleep. He died of an overdose. The police showed up a couple of days later, as Chris hadn't been seen in a while. I gave the police Chris's money, and they forgot about the whole thing. 8

I left after that. I'm not sure whether or not Chris's dead corpse is still there or not. Honestly, I don't care. I have found myself a new life, that is safe for me and my baby. Chris's baby. He will never get the chance to hurt her. 9

I am different from my family, I got off the streets. I made a life for myself.10