It was a bright night, full moon and all that jazz, and the monsters of the world (vampires, werewolves, emos, zombies, etc) decided to throw Blondie the party of her life, as she was now getting (comment removed due to death threats on the Author’s life). 1
What induced these foul creatures to host a 'partay' for Blondie is beyond many great thinkers of our age, i.e. the Author... because she hates them, not because she doesn’t need a party to celebrate her getting (EDITED)… Anyway, they did host this party, right, and they (the emos and vampires) thought it’d be cool, as it was so close to Valentine’s Day, to get a bit of a ‘date’ thing happening. 2
The party went off like a gun in a brothel - which is like a gun anywhere else, loud, sudden, and makes holes in things. 3
Part way through said party a non-descript, but highly individual emo made an astoundingly intelligent observation: Blondie was not there. 4
***5
On a hill about 300 metres away. 6
‘You sure this will work?’ Blondie asks the guy squatting on the grass next to her rolling a dubious looking doobie. 7
‘Oh yes,’ He says, ‘I replaced all the ball bearings in the Claymores to silver plated ones - and there are about fifty through the house. Including the cake. It’ll work.’ He finishes rolling his joint and, lighting it, takes a puff. ‘Oh, that’s good stuff,’ He says, watching the cloud of purple smoke twist sluggishly into the sky before joining The Great Ozone Layer in the Sky. 8
Blondie grins. ‘You did all this for me? How kind.’ 9
‘All for you?’ He says, one eyebrow arching like a cat on his forehead. ‘Hell no, I did this for me, I just figured you might like to see the bang.’ 10
‘Ah. I see…’ she says.11
***12
At the party. 13
‘So,’ says a vampire to said observant emo. ‘You think that because her physical presence is lacking we should cease all festivities and go home? She is, after all, with us in spirit.’14
‘Wha’ the hell ar’ y’ on?’ asks a werewolf, who was currently having issues working out where he was. 15
The vampire raises an eyebrow. ‘I, my dear sir, am on blood.’ He holds the emo he was talking to up by the neck. 16
‘Oh, and this ish ‘ur idea of a partay? Eatin’ tha gues’s, ‘uh?’ 17
‘I never eat people!’ snaps the vampire, bristling in self-righteous anger. 18
The werewolf snickers. ‘Yea’, righ’.’19
Pouting, the vampire turns his back to the werewolf and continues his conversation with the emo. Realising it’s a rather one sided conversation he shoves his hand through the back of the emo’s neck. 20
‘Ah, hullo there my fine friend,’ he says, moving the emo’s mouth in time with the words. 21
‘And hello to you too…’ 22
***23
‘Can we blow this dump already?’ asks Blondie impatiently. 24
‘Soon, soon,’ He says, taking one last drag of his joint. Blowing another Ozone disruptive cloud into the air He hands a small remote to Blondie. ‘’Appy Birthday Blondie.’ 25
Grinning gleefully she snatches the remote from his hand and presses the button. 26
Beep… 27
BOOM!
Author notes
Not long enough ago and far to near, Lucas created Star Wars - May the midichlorians save our poor souls.
In a list
A contest entry
- Blondie's Birthday Bash by tallblondie.
500 points, ended February 22, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short Stories by Cavalier.
350 points, ended May 20, 33 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Uh
I'm not quite sure what I read there but heck if it wasn't weird and funny in a very weird way. The edited things that were the result of death threats were pretty entertaining. I'm not sure if you think you are a jedi or not cause of the author notes but whatever, making me question is good enough. The grassy knoll thing was another funny moment also the vampire sticking his hand through a emo person's neck was nice too. I'm still kind of confused if you can't tell but anyway I'll just applaud you and leave it at that.
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Ha! That was great fun and quite a bit different from the rest of the entries i my contest. Thank you very much for entering.
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I don't see how this fits. Disqualified.
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Modern fantasy... That's what you asked for, right? That's what it is... Plus it's a story about friends, about humour, and it's got a vampire in it. How does it NOT fit?
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I am sorry but , i have a very particular definition of fantasy and this doesn't fit. Writing a simple funny story with werewolves and vampires is not what I call fantasy.
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Well you may wanna clear that up in the rules then, tell people you have a very particular idea for fantasy and if you don't think it is you'll DQ it. Instead of saying 'fantasy set now' and then DQing when one is entered.
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I will say this, you are a very, very talented writer in comparison to me and you're teacher. I respect that but, a fantasy story needs to have a stage set.
If you replace this "Jack and Jill went up the hill." by "Jack the elf and Jill the fairy went up the hill."
You won't get a fantasy write. Try submitting another piece. -
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Haha, I owe you an apology. I was mostly joking. I have a weird sense of humour, and it doesn't come across on the internet a huge deal.
Anyway, thanks for the complement, sorry for winding you up, and good luck with the contest. Alas I don't have anything else that'd really fit, unless you count zombies as fantasy? I do but not sure if it'd fit in that or under sci-fi.
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lol
this is so random its amazing -
I totally LOL'd the whole time while reading this- it was great.
Realising it’s a rather one sided conversation he shoves his hand through the back of the emo’s neck. 20
‘Ah, hullo there my fine friend,’ he says, moving the emo’s mouth in time with the words. 21
‘And hello to you too…’
just hilarious right there. *wipes my tears away* 
The only constructive thing I have to say is that I think there should be a comma there after 'conversation' in paragraph 20. but really no biggie.
Overall, very enjoyable read. I was just surfing through pages- glad I did ^.^
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LMAO @ the conversation between the werewolf and the vampire...love it...
think i may go add you as a fave...*ponders* -
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Schweet, another fan! Glad my writing is worth it.
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well this was certainly an interesting story. Thanks for entering it into my contest, no I did not hate it.
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Well done! I can imagine all of this, which is weird. I mean, there aren't really many descriptions. I've lost my mind.
My favorite part is:
‘Oh, and this ish ‘ur idea of a partay? Eatin’ tha gues’s, ‘uh?’
‘I never eat people!’ snaps the vampire, bristling in self-righteous anger.
The werewolf snickers. ‘Yea’, righ’.’
The vampire seems to be so...stuck up.
Well done. This definitely put a smile on my face. Good luck in the contest. So funny.
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Hehe, I like to think I know how to use enough words to give a picture of what's happening without it giving every single detail. I guess it works.
Oh good, he was supposed to be stuck up.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for reading, commenting and applauding!
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This was great read, and lived up to the catagory -- humor. Just a couple points to look at on a technical review.
In paragraph 2 :
What induced these foul creatures to host a partay for Blondie is beyond many great thinkers of our age, (etc)
I believe 'Partay' should be in quotes as I used it here. Since it is not being said by any of the characters in the story.
Para 6, metres? Well being american I use yards, but I thought they were called meters not metres unless you are French.
Other than that it was pretty funny. Which I think was the point
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Glad you enjoyed it.
Yes, I think that is correct. Will add those quotes.
On metre... Heh... *tries to remain calm and not go spastic* Meter is the American way, of which I'm not... I'm Australian, which means I use the English way, which is metre, like centre.
Heh, I get too many American's "correcting" my spelling, it gets a tad annoying.
Thanks for reading, commenting, enjoying and applauding!
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Sigh, yes that was why I included the 'american' reference. I know that the people that edited the american version of the english language changed it. Which is also why I didn't correct it, I said 'I thought it was meters'. Sorry for being so 'american' on your spelling. I know most of the changes and don't comment, and this one is going on my list of funny differences.
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Heh, sorry, I tend to get caught up in the moment. It honestly does get a bit tiring when some American's can't be bothered realising that other countries do things differently and just straight out tell me I'm wrong. I think it was the 'unless you're French' line that threw me though.
You're forgiven. Thanks again for reading.
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How clever!
That really was a party for blondie. Fireworks and all
So funny but I don't see anything that needs to be changed.
I do think your werewolf was slightly inebriated.
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lmao, an EMO puppet =)
Haha hillarious I'm sure she loved this, as did I 
Would she like it if those creatures of the night actually threw her a party (assuming this ending wasn't what happened?)? I guess I love the vampire the best, haha, that character rocked compared to the emo (duh) and the werewolf (how he talks kind of made me dizzy, I dunno why 
)
Your (edited) parts also got giggles out of me
Thank you for this ^_^ *feels my bad day drawing to a close*
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I dunno, she said no vampires, emos, or werewolves in her contest, but I stuck 'em in 'cause I knew she'd like this.
Hehe, I love doing edited parts.
It is my pleasure to lighten your day.
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You gotta love the vamps and emos and all, eh? Wish I'd been there to see it.
I'm sure Blondie would have had a great time. Well, ..until the whole BOOM! thing anyway.
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No way would I try to edit this—for some unbelievable reason, I’m getting worried here, I understood it
. But I wouldn’t be able to find a place on earth to suggest you offer it for publication.
Blondie would enjoy this birthday ‘partay’ I’m sure, it seems to fit her unique personality
. (Okay, okay, I’m zipping it.) I just meant she is such an interesting person, who would be thrilled by spending time with all those delightful companions you gave her, and well, who else would enjoy blowing up their acquaintances quite so much, and (so, all right, I’ll stuff it.). Only one other character I know would be likely to host such a ‘partay’.
Oh hello Dan—I didn’t know you were lurking.
I really can’t describe the unusually feelings that your marvelous tale brought to me. I found myself reading it over and then yet again. You did create a rather bizarre ‘Birthday Party’ for Bloodie *oops* Blondie.
Thanks for the uninvited invitation I didn’t receive.
Geri
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Hehe, I know. I've written a few stories like this, funny, understandable, but no way it's publishable.
*Looks down the comments* Yup, I think she enjoyed the party.
Well, I figured, it was her birthday, I had to do her a party she'd enjoy. And I know how much she hates emos, clichéd vampires and werewolves, so I thought hey, What Would Blondie Do?
Ooops, forgot to invite you, would you have liked to come? I mean, I think we missed some emos out there, so we can host another and invite you.
Thanks for reading, commenting and applauding!
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Ah, the old 'hand through the emo's skull and making him talk trick.' That never gets old. Hell, that vampire should've gotten a reward or something...
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Yup, almost made me sad killing the vampire. :'(
Glad you enjoyed.
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Lol, another story that kept me laughing all the way through. I'm a werewolf/vampire buff to begin with. My favorite part was when the vampire lifted up the emo he was talking to by the neck and claimed to be on blood. That was great!
Keep up the great writing. The world needs more people with humor like yours. -
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Hehe, at this rate you're going to run out of my stories to read very quickly!
Noo, less humour like mine, then mine will be more popular, and I'll be famous!!! *insane, megalomaniacal laugh*
*cough* Don't worry, I've taken my ego shrinking pills for this evening, I'm calm now.
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Lol, good point. Your uniqueness (is that even a word?!) positively glows. I mean that in a good way.
Again, well done. -
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Uniqueness is indeed a word.
*feels all warm and fuzzy inside* mebbe that's were the glowing uniqueness comes from - an over pampered ego. xD Kidding, I just pretend to be ego-centric for the hell of it. A joke for myself instead of everyone else.
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You sure you didn't just drink some room temperature coke - that can often be mistaken for 'warm and fuzzy' insides...
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Hmmm, you might actually be right... It would explain the burning sensation. xD
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Awesomeness
Katie has been confuzzled. Congrats Dan.
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good
pretty good -
Highly amusing, and a worthy cause destroying all those threats to mortality and conventional conformity. I salute you!
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Lolz. That was totally worth a feature. Super hilarious.
Fun to read, thanks :3 -
A very interesting birthday by any standards. Nice work on this one; definitely kept me amused the whole way through =)
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LOL, this was well done, I love your sence of humor
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I hate birthdays... I hate it when people keep saying "Happy Birthday, girl!" and singing "Happy Birthday." It gets super annoying. Good work, though! Hope you win!
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*laughs* I like, I like a lot...
Shame I couldn't really blow up all the angsty vampires and emos prowling around Storywrite. I mean - for a once-a-year event - I should be able to get rid of a couple of hundred and not effect the population drastically.
And about that death threat... I can't kill you - afterall, who'd be around to write me a funny story for my next birthday?
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