by Geri Fitzsimmons & Andy Stephenson1
Sixteen hours ago when Sergeant Joe Farley brought his suspicions, with files to back them up, to Captain Hector Taylor’s attention the big guy was ecstatic. Taylor was certain he’d just been handed the means to get himself noticed at One Police Plaza; he might even get the opportunity to catch the Mayor’s ear. 2
He’d almost salivated as he discussed strategy with Farley. Their first major obstacle would be jurisdiction. True, several of the deaths, along with other situations, tied the victims to his jurisdiction; but the case that opened the way for an investigation was committed in precinct 61. Still, he could argue with the Brass, it was his detectives who traced the connections and uncovered what looked to be the modus operandi of a serial killer.3
That had been yesterday. This morning things didn’t look so promising. The ax was about to fall and Joe Farley spent the last twenty minutes closeted with his captain. The hot blood in Taylor turned his normally brown checks umber as he transferred the responsibility for the screw up to Farley. Taylor, not about to hang for something he knew very little about, had been ripping Farley a new one for interfering with 61’s investigation.4
In the confines of the numerous precincts of the mammoth city, it was a well-documented fact that an official visit from One Police Plaza meant trouble. The more ‘fruit salad’ pinned on the uniform of the visitor, the more trouble you were in.5
Deputy Chief Rafael Carbonetti, the by-product of a Mexican mother and Sicilian father, walked with the swagger of an important man under five seven. His hundred and forty five pounds bounced up and down as if attempting to match Sergeant Bradley Benson’s six two height as they walked down the hall of precinct 66.6
Without waiting for an introduction, Carbonetti threw the door open and moved quickly into the room just as Captain Taylor, raised a twenty-pounds-over-regulation size body from his newly-inherited over-priced swivel chair.7
Carbonetti, whose size didn’t prevent his tone from reaching just an octave over the massive Taylor, immediately took charge of the conversation. “Since when does a two bit sergeant inject himself into another precinct’s investigation? And you, Taylor, since when did you stop running this precinct?” 8
Benson just shrugged his shoulders at Farley and paused a couple of steps into the room to shut the door. They’d known each other too long for either to suspect the other had a hand in what was occurring.9
Carbonetti waved one hand at Taylor and the Captain moved away from his desk relinquishing his throne to Carbonetti. What little respect Farley had for Hector Taylor completely dissipated as he watched the man shrink into his own skin.10
In deference to the Deputy Chief the other men parked stiffly in chairs. 11
Carbonetti rapped his fingertips on the desk as if typing the words that exploded from his mouth. “You stirred up a hornet’s nest, Farley! Just what the Mayor needs in an election year. Ten deaths in six months classified as suicides, now you tell us they are more likely murders. Oh the press would love to get a hold of that!" The no-smoking ban had been in effect for years. Carbonetti lit up and tossed the package of Camels on the desk. No one took the offer and he smoked alone. 12
He motioned towards the phone, as he went on. “The Chief and the Commissioner are in conference at Gracie Mansion as we speak. We’ll be hearing from them soon. Now, I want to see all the paper work you have on this, Farley.”13
Before Farley could answer, Taylor was out of his chair, took the two steps to reach his desk and moved the neatly piled folders Farley had given him the day before in front of Carbonetti.14
Farley gagged back his, “They’re right there.” He let the hand he intended to motion with drop back in his lap. Everyone sat silently as the Deputy Chief acquainted himself with the questionable suicides. Still, though the paperwork kept flipping over, it appeared to Farley, Carbonetti wasn’t all that intent on what he was reading. His interest lay more in the desk phone his glance kept shifting toward.15
Captain Taylor had remained standing, ready to explain any question Carbonetti might have. Taylor’s eyes never left the phone. Farley had a vision of the ring that would create the scuffle as the two men tried to be the one to answer it. Size didn’t give Taylor the edge because his opponent was small and swift.16
Carbonetti’s nasty habit of waving other men off came into play again as he flipped his right hand at Taylor, who sporting a sullen frown, returned to his chair. 17
Detective sergeant Benson was obviously following Farley’s example. He kept his mouth shut and waited for the rest of the backlash to fall on him. After all Farley’s poking into the Michelle Baine Case, his case, started the hullabaloo they were involved in. Joe felt sorry for the guy. He knew Brad had sweat blood to earn his Detective’s shield. Only four years into his career, Benson didn’t have the thick hide Farley’s twenty years of department politics provided him.18
Suddenly the tones of ‘America the Beautiful’ erupted in the air and the startled men sat straighter. Carbonetti shoved away from the desk, pulling a cell phone from the belt holder at his waist. He was already talking into it, as he headed for the hall.19
“Guess we wait,” Farley said. Apparently they weren’t going to be privy to even Carbonetti’s end of the conversation.20
Benson sighed. Taylor glared. Benson said, “Think I could sneak past him, maybe round up some coffee?”21
“He does sort of make you feel like an adolescent.” Farley snickered as he got up and walked out the door. He threw back the promise, “I’ll get some coffee.”22
Farley had to keep an appointment with his two junior grade detectives. He’d planned on joining them this morning on a hunt for Michelle’s lover but now that seemed out of the question. He met them just entering his office.23
“I’m tied up with Brass,” he said.24
“We heard, “ Hamlin said. “You need some backup?” The generous grin on the young man’s face made Farley feel some better.25
“I may need a coffin.” Farley joined in their laughter. 26
“So what can we do Sarge?” Hayes asked. 27
"Burn some shoe leather. Try to locate Michelle Baine's boyfriend. Pretty sure his first name is Hal. Try Goodson or Goodwin, anything starting with Good for the last—but don’t depend on just that. You have already been to Michelle’s office. Start by canvassing a ten-block area around there with her picture and the sketch we have of him. Hit the retail stores and the restaurants. They may have met for lunch.”28
Hamlin rolled his eyes, but Hayes answered, "Sure thing, Sarge. We’ll get right on it. "29
Farley then confiscated a pot of fresh coffee and almost took just three cups, but realized the childishness of that action, and took another. He headed back to Taylor’s office.30
He hadn’t been absent long enough; Carbonetti was coming towards him flipping the cell phone closed and mumbling. They met at Taylor’s door. Surprising Farley, Carbonetti opened the door for him.31
“Suppose we can all do with some coffee,” the Deputy Chief said, “while I lay out the plans on how the Chief wants this handled.”
In a list
Comments
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sorry about not reading last week, I had a lot going on, so here I am catching up!
AWSOMENESS TO THE EXSTREME!
I love this novel and If It gets Published I AM BUYING XD
This is creative and scary, yet mind blowing, I will hopefully read chapter ten tonight ^^ -
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Howdy!
I just appreciate that you're reading it. We all love being read
. Thanks.
We're very pleased that you like our story so much.
Andy
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Hey Geri and Andy,
Steve has tagged my typos
. 
oh wait, I found one
#25 made Farley feel some (what) better. JMO....... Thanks I feel much better.
I just flew through 9 chapters and want some time to go back through them, then I'll send a message about what I'm thinking and some of the questions running through my brain. I have some things in there that are throwing up flags, but it may be just me.
Th.
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Hi Tammy!
Thanks for taking on our novel. We appreciate it. We look forward to hearing about the flags.
Andy
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Tammy, I'm looking forward to your comments on how the story is coming
since we are working in the same genre.
You can pick on Andy for the typos
.
I do hope it will hold your interest.
Geri
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Hey Geri and Andy,
I didn't notice a great deal of deviation from SRM in this chapter. Either my memory is going or the changes were went unnoticed while I read. I did notice a couple of things you might want to look at.
Para8-line4 "And you Taylor, since when did you stop running this precinct?"
Para9-line3 had (a) hand
Para10-(JMHO) I would switch this and put the last part first-Carbonetti waved one hand and the capt. moved away from his desk relinquishing his throne. What little respect Farley had for...
Para12-line2 Seems that 'words exploded' should have stronger punctuation.
That's it
Steve
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Hi Steve!
I wasn't ready to deal with editing this chapter when you posted this comment. Otherwise, I'd have replied sooner.
Thanks for the corrections and suggestions. I applied all of them. We appreciate you helping us.
You're very good at critiquing.
Andy
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Steve for reading again.
We're not making too many changes in the plot of SRM. Mostly we are editing and looking for inconsistencies in the story.
Really appreciate those goofs you find (oh Andy
).
Got tah wake that up 
geri
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Not too scary
Thankfully it not too scary so I can go on with both eyes. This is such a great story. You are both very talented!
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Howdy!
Thanks for the compliment.
It's nice for you to think that I'm talented. Geri must be rubbing off on me.
We're very pleased that you like the way the story is going.
Andy
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Paragraph 18: Is there a past tense form of to sweat? I got distracted for a minute there because it looked like you had switched tenses. But maybe you're right. I dunno.
I should probably try not to read these out of order like I seem to be doing. But, nonetheless, the story is developing very well. I am interested to keep on reading. Well done, both of you.
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Hi Cory!
I just noticed that I hadn't replied to this comment
. Slipping up in my youth
.
I believe, though I may be mistaken, that 'sweat' in past tense may be written either, 'sweat' or 'sweated'. I'd have to look it up to be certain.
Thanks for reading. Hope you come back again sometime.
Andy(I'm still hanging on to the.)
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Excellent
Hi Andy,
You have a great grasp on your characters. I like the way that you painted this scene.
Lynn
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi Lynn!
Geri is much more responsible for the character development than I am. She's a pro and does an amazing job of giving individual pesonalities to the characters.
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. We appreciate it.
Andy
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Very good. I'll keep readin
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Thanks Trish!
And thanks for all the applause.
Andy
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Absolutely fantastic! The Deputy Cheif I had rolling in my mind was an angry, jumping about Joe Pesci at his shouty short man best. I laughed at his character, brilliant new one might I add who i hope we get to see more of and who has some brilliant more one liners to come out with. I loved the police politics as well, this was more in-depth then I expected and the story is gathering more facets and layers everytime.
Mike
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Hi Mike!
I'm very glad that our story is drawing you in even further. Police politics are involved throughout the story. From the bottom up and the top down. Farley tends to let it roll past himself.
Farley isn't trying to impress anyone, he's just trying to do a good job.
Andy
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Oh, the convaluted police politics at their best. This is well done, despite how much those politics grate on my nerves. This chapter draws the reader in further by hinting that there was a larger investigation already in place. Those lines get hazy when a perp bounces precinct to precinct.
This chapter was a little rough and a little abrasive, but nothing terrible. You might smooth it out just a little by further explaining the structure of said politics; makes it easier on a reader not familiar with the field to follow.
(I have some text books you can use for reference on that point if needed. IM me for the titles if you'd like.)
Can't wait for the next chapter.
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Hi!
Periodically throughout this story, police politics complicate the investigation. Also, Joseph's life becomes more involved.
We think you'll enjoy the story as it develops. Thanks for reading through us so fast. If you'd like, since you've read all we have posted of the second draft, you can go to the first draft at this link:
http://storywrite.com/list/34976-SR-Murders
Some of the chapters are out of order in this list.
Andy
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Coming into this at chapter nine has me at a slight disadvantage but; i like the convaluted politics of local Govt departments, police and so on. It has the ring of truth to it even though I know this story is fiction. So I will say ;great stuff with sufficient meat to feed and nourish the reader.
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Hi Bob!
We appreciate you dropping in on the story. If you'd like to pick it up at the beginning, here's the link to the list:
http://storywrite.com/list/36716-The-Devil-Came-East
The prologue is rather brutal, but things mellow some after that.
I'm very glad that you liked what you read.
Andy
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