The Angel's Whore

1


                                                     La Prostituee De L'ange2

                                                       (The Angel's Whore)3



Angelus dutifully waited for another unwanted demise to sprout up from earth below and beckon his inevitable descent.4

No longer did his usually sanguine appearance, perpetually assaulting his pale pristine face a deep rosy hue, exist. Up from his holy sanctum of cottony clouds and still tranquility, there pierced a high, terrified trill of a soul ascending. The voice was feminine. She had been murdered.

Abruptly, as if on cue, the sloe-eyed, auburn-haired angel descended through a pathway of clouds and Lapis Lazuli blue, his feathery white dove-like wings fully erect. Angelus came for the soul; he was to deliver the Dead to God. There was no such thing as a "Grim Reaper".5

He had come from Heaven, in another realm, another time, stopping, perching effortlessly on a floating mass of cotton, patiently waiting for a response. 6

And that response had been that horrifying shriek journeying its way heavenward to grab his attention, hence his descent.7

He came upon a bustling French city, specifically resting his eyes on an insignificant, dilapidated townhouse.8

Already, the soul pushed its way up through the roof to meet his advance. Invading tears flooded his eyes as he glimpsed the heartbreaking beauty. Her soul, to him, was the most enrapturing soul he'd ever have the pleasure of sending to God, nothing short of breathtaking. 9

And she stole his breath.10

So in that very brief, epiphanic moment, Angelus realized he would miserably go against his Master's wishes, just to quell her frantic features. To reverse what she should've become, and acceptingly become a fallen angel because of it.11

Willingly, he grabbed hold of the dismayed woman's form and sent her, so that they were in a horizontal embrace (or in what looked like the throes of passion), back through the crumbling roof, upon which he gently pushed her exposed spirit back into her limp body. There, it was lying entangled in crumpled sheets from the bed whence she'd come.12

The dark-haired beauty fell into her skin, and an immediate gasp for a newly regained breath wound its way from her throat.13

Her disoriented eyes fluttered open. At first, she did not notice the temporary earth-dweller hovering slightly just inches above her, his hands still firmly pressed against her weak shoulders, wings outstretched as if at any moment, in the blink of an eye, he would take to the sky.14

Angelus soaked up the black coals of his human enrapturer's eyes, the soft pale of her skin and the rejuvenated sheen apparent in her dark hair. The saved woman dragged in much-needed breaths until they steadied to an ease. That is, until she came to her senses, realizing there was an exquisite, glowing, extraterrestrial-like creature not entirely human-looking staring lovingly down at her.15

A prominent look of dismay mingled with alarm invaded the soft planes of her face, causing her already dark eyes to darken even more. They widened their expanse taking in Angelus' intimidating wings hanging blatantly over his hunched form. But then, the dismay took on another form, changing into something opposite...something...Awed.16

Before she could get reacquainted with her second chance at life, a startled scream escaped her full lips. "Ugh!" The momentary peace was shattered. 17

"Un ange! Un ange!" she cried in her native French tongue. An angel. 18

Instantly, Angelus wanted to address her, to assure her that...He tried to answer her, but....19

But all he could do was stare wide-eyed down at her, for if he spoke, the melodious harp-like tone in his voice would pain her ears.20

"Un ange! Un ange!" she repeated feverishly. Her eyes were glazed over.21

A self-conscious furrow crept across his forehead, destroying his otherwise immaculate features.22

Restlessly, she squirmed in her bed, and realizing he was still restraining her--but with gentility--Angelus immediately released her shoulders from his subtle grip, bringing his naked feet to the dusty wooden floor. A million apologies flooded his unrelenting gaze, his dark doe eyes fogging over. They heavily contrasted with his fair colouring.23

Her centered gaze made him cower away, bashfully hiding behind his miraculous wings, the familiar rosy color rebirthing in his face.24

The frenzied Frenchwoman rose up, the overused mattress making a boingy springy sound as she shifted, firmly planting her hands by her sides on the bed. She stared mouth-agape at her new-found fixation. Quizzically, she scanned his features thoroughly, her eyes saying all he needed to know. 25

She...Was...Astounded.26

With her trembling voice, she broke the peculiar silence this rare situation had presented.27

"You're here. You're really here." There was a pregnant pause before she continued. "You came to me, and you've saved me from my misfortune. Merci." Thanks.28

Angelus smiled greatly, the confusion extinct from his demeanor. He was already coaxed. Too late to turn back now.29

Anjelica, he thought inwardly. The name his Master had sent him. 30

The name that should have been excused from the physical realm.31

Anjelica's eyes brightened, then took on an awed expression as if things had finally registered within her.32

"You are my guardian angel," she surmised, a genuine, grateful smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.33

The colour abruptly left Angelus; it drained from his ripe cheeks. His face fell dramatically.34

"No?" she asked, her eyes hungry with expectations.35

Shamefully bowing his head, Angelus shook his sunset curls miserably. The answer was inexplicably no.36

How could he explain to her that the reasons for him being here were totally opposite from what she'd expected, that instead of being her guardian angel, he was more like the angel of death, only kind and in the image of his Creator? Not harsh and vicious and grim like all humankind portrayed him to be?37

There were no straightforward answers.38

Anjelica got the message though. Her eyes narrowed, and her soft mouth became hard and bitter.39

There was a slight edge to her voice when she said, "Ah, of course not. With the lifestyle I lead, there is no appeal. Nothing good could ever accompany a...a whore!"40

Dreadful tears automatically spilled from her eyes as she wallowed in self-pity. Shame mingled with abashment took her face prisoner, freezing her expression into that of perennial self-disgust.41

A courtesan.That was the more formal, polite way of putting her profession. She serviced men, strangers, in the small broken-down headquarters where she took residence. The place where she now sat with the out-of-place-angel.42

Her specific sin had put her in danger. In the hands, literally, of a crazed and fanatic madman simply because she would not oblige in his requests. Plainly because she had turned him away when he wanted to stay with her longer in her crumpled-sheet bed, with the reeking cologne of a thousand men. He was reluctant to leave her bed and wanted nothing more than to be with her again. 43

And again. And again. And again.44

But she refused. And when she refused, he got belligerent and abrasive, and proceeded with choking her, never letting up. Unforgivably indomitable so was he, she could not break free of his tight hold. And that's what sent her soul up while the anonymous suitor slipped, unscathed, through the back-alley of the oblivious town.45

The torrential rains came down stronger, and this time Anjelica began to whimper inconsolably. Her frail body heaved involuntarily, spasms rippling through every one of her sorrowful pores. Her hands embraced her face, hiding her contorted features.46

"I am damned!" she spat out formidably, her voice rupturing the calm air which inhabited her small, dull surroundings.47

Angelus looked horrified! It seemed as though Anjelica would break into a million fragile pieces, she was so distraught . He wished there was a way he could soothe her. 48

"Don't cry," he tried to whisper smoothly, speaking for the first time, the words sounding vague and unfamiliar on his tongue, but that sent her head reeling. She hastily clasped her palms to her ears, making a pinched face. Angelus wasn't used to speaking in human form, only in angel form; In angel song. 49

He tried again. "Please don't fret this day," he spoke even lower, his reassurances almost inaudible.50

Anjelica winced again, pinning her ears more thoroughly this time. His voice was too beautiful, his tone was made of gilt it seemed, filled with a melodious harp-like sound that tortured her eardrums, as he knew it would.51

Angelus burned shamefully as he apologetically reached for her across the bed and burrowed his face into the soft, fragile part of her nape like a small child would when being consoled by its mother.52

"Oh, Mon amour," she cooed, instinctively caressing his reddish-brown curls gently. Silk, was his hair in her hands.53

She held him and he held her, they both consoled each other for a tranquil moment in their makeshift haven, until a drumming noise broke the still. It was faint and then became louder, more persistent.54

Thump. Thump. THUMP! THUMP!55

Then, trumpets sounding!56

Anjelica could not hear this, but Angelus surely could!57

It was the angels beckoning him back. Their arrival was evident.58

Angelus became pained, a look of torment in his eyes as he looked up from his nest provided by the arms of this human, and searched for an answer there, in her eyes.59

"What is it?" she questioned, exchanging with equal amount of intensity, his stare. 60

"Heaven is calling. They're expecting my arrival--but I won't go!" he whispered feebly.61

She cringed slightly, but didn't cover her ears this time.62

"No! Stay here with me. Bel ange." Beautiful angel.63

"I will--I love you!" he stated more fervently now, his eyes flooding with zeal and excitement. "I am your fallen angel now."64

Anjelica frowned her concern. "What? Ange tombe? NO! You can't be my fallen angel. YOU CAN'T! You must go."65

She made to part with him, but he wouldn't let go. And in that crucial moment of human and angel tossing back and forth, the roof gave way and exposed a cinematic view of a chorus of angels, all aligned against the mesmerizing blue sky bleeding red and orange from the setting sun in the distance. 66

Angelus made out familiar faces, some of his friends back home, particularly Maccio and Madius, the two stunning flaxen-haired twin angels. But pleasure did not befriend their faces. 67

Angelus' gaze swept from the medley of Archangels, back to Anjelica, then back again to the glorious sky.68

Anjelica saw them, too. She was awestruck, godsmacked, enraptured!69

The frowning angel held on stubbornly to Anjelica's wilting form. She shrank against her bed as the two advancing angels came nearer. Closing her eyes was a result of their profound and unwavering beauty. Blinded, she felt a strong tugging, but not from Angelus, from the other angels. The force jolted her from the bed, lifting her heavenward. Frightened, she opened her eyes only to find herself dangling between the open roof, and the awaiting sky.70

Angelus was still attached to her waist, but she had since let go. The two golden-hued angels proceeded with their intentions: to bring Angelus home. He slipped from Anjelica, they succeeded with pulling him away. Anjelica tumbled through the roof and plopped to her bed. 71

Ahead of her, she glimpsed the last of her tormented friend, the whole scene panning out before her very eyes reminiscent of a Botticelli painting, or one of Michelangelo's masterpieces. Angels squirming miraculously in a clouded sea.72

"Adieu," she whispered solemnly, to the sky. "Je vous caresserai pour tourjours!"
I'll cherish you forever!73



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Author notes

A story I wrote a while ago and reposted. Again, please point out the flaws so I can better myself at writing. Thanks.(:

 

In a list

A contest entry

If any errors, how to fix them?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    October 13

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    Hi Sunny!

    I didn't notice errors, but perhaps that was because I enjoy this story so. There's nothing more intriguing to me than an angel willing to give up heaven for the love of a prositute. This is a very good story.

    Thanks for entering my contest.

    Andy


  • Dead Beauty
    September 27
    Edit | Reply

    " A Range Of Options "

    I remember this well.

    You're A Finalist. again


  • Shadow Pixie
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... This was amazing. It was really beautiful, absolutely perfect. I didn't see any errors at all. You should be proud of this, I loved it.
    Thanks so much for your entry!

    ~ Lí-Lí


  • Satan-chan
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    great! i like it!! Although some part i don't understand it. Don't worry. it is not that you didn't state it cleary. My english is still bad!! but thank for entering!! break a leg! lolx..

  • Dead Beauty
    June 15

    Edit | Reply

    Judge's comment

    J'adore ! J'adore ! I think this is a great love story, and the first entry in my contest to have brought up the French topic. Your words were slightly complicated, as I'm still not very experienced with such words, but I loved the whole effact of the story and I think you just might win the contest!
    Good luck, j'adore... c'est trés trés bon, et bonne chance!


  • Ashlyn Rose
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    not a bad story but it never really grabbed at me and said something anything... i don't know about it... i just couldn't see it at all


  • Alice Cambridge
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece.
    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck! :]


  • YaoiQueen Killa
    May 25
    Edit | Reply

    Head butts a wall

    This is nor happy or sweet to me, thanks for entering though


  • Mag the Chodja gold member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    Any errors? I see none whatsoever, at least not off the top of my head, but I had a talking co-worker next to me.
    Fantastic story and very well written. I loved the ending. Nicely undertaken and it really shows how Angelus felt about her, as well as conveying the beauty of angels.

    I wish I could've given this piece better than Honorable Mention in my contest, but - while it was fantastic and would've won easily - it wasn't exactly a poem or lyric, though poetic in its own right.

    I do have to question, though: are Maccio and Madius 'real' angels? Or just names used for angels for this story? I'm just curious because I tend to use 'real' angels in my stories, and haven't heard these two yet.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • DreamWanderer gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Love the title - attention getter. Interesting piece. I like it; souls and angels, life and death, torn between love and duty. Some nice parlaying of emotions, especially Anjelica's turmoil with a strong ending. All good stuff. The first three paragraphs were a bit flowery in their descriptions (the litany of "p's" in the second tripped me up), but it got better from there. I also stumbled on "Their arrival was evident". Indeed it was, but I think you were looking for "imminent". But, overall, well done!

    Dw


  • MoonRoseWolf gold member
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    C'est tres bon!

    I really liked this story, it had a new twist. I thought your first paragraphs were a little too heavy on discription. Lots of discription is wonderful, but be careful not to overload it-think of them as chocolate; some of it is good, and tastes yummy when you add it, but too much and you'll be sick

    I'm also not really sure how this fits into my contest...

    Anyhoo, I really loved this, and thought you had a very poetic style of writing, which was lovely to read. Well done, and good luck in the contest!


  • callthexylophone
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    c'est belle, je l'aime beaucoup.
    but there are a couple of rough-ish spots I'd like to point out, maybe tomorrow!

  • DeathByChocolate
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    Great job! I like how you added French to the story (not that I can speak French or anything). I liked this story

    GOOD LUCK!

  • everlight
    March 28
    Edit | Reply
    Great job!


  • Vampiric souls
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    There is an amazing story here that kept me interested the whole time. Thank you so much for entering!
    ~Souls


  • Lois.Stone
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    wow, thats amazing! I am so jealous!! your defiantly going to the finals!
    I would give you a fuller review, and I will later, but since there are LOADS of entries, I will stay how to improve ECT later!

    loisx


  • FearedCries
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering it in the contest. I very much enjoyed reading this.


  • Valkyrie silver member
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    Very vividly described. The paradoxes and contrasts in your piece are thrust into sharp relief. A whore with a beautiful soul? An angel with the desires of a mortal? Fascinating! thanks for entering my contest.


  • Savage
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    There were no errors! I've read this before but the beauty of your writing never ceases to amaze me. This story is just... beautiful.


  • Cupcake14
    February 22

    Edit | Reply

    It's Different

    The passion between the characters is not subtle, but is clearly shown. And her French makes it sweet too.
    Hope that one day Angelus and Angelica will meet again.


  • hotwaxtears
    February 22

    Edit | Reply

    Poetic

    The language was so musical, like a pretty song. And the descriptions were so unique and beautiful! I love your characters too. Best of luck!


  • lavanya
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    The most strong point of your story is the discription of the situation. it was really very good as far as story though it is good but there is still some room for emotions. yes inlast part i felt their emotional pain but you could add more in it . means i really wanted to read more about their love ,means instant connection without any point ...it's like something missing here...but hey don't feel bad cause you scored in beauty part of the story...as i mentioned it in contest that i will judge on basis of beauty and emotions...so i think according to that scale you did good job...keep it up hon. you are on right path.
    Good luck and take care!!!


  • Keirii
    February 21

    Edit | Reply

    Amazed...AGAIN!!!

    This is a very powerful story.
    It involves a powerful yet gentle storyline.
    When he first saw her spirit, it was amazing how you described what he saw. And how he felt about her was really well written.

    It defies all logic because an angel can never be with a human. And I like how you made her a prostitute because it's like the ultimate purity with a human.

    It worked really well.

    One thing though is that there were a couple parts that I didn't understand. You have so much good writing going on, but it's a little overdone.

    But it was so beautiful how you made him. I liked how he hid behind his wings, and how his voice was so beautiful it hurt her ears. I can picture him perfectly, curls and everything...lol

    Overall this story is another masterpiece and I'm very glad I read it. This is definately going in my favorites.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Jennywinnie
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    I love your description hear, so interesting and unique.

    I love how that sentence stand alone... and she stole his breath.

    i would suggest just thinning out the wording just a tad on the descriptions. Most of them a beautiful but too much can kind of slow down the story flow as the reader is trying to digest them...but it up to you.

    I love the anguish, and agony described here...

    Great job. Good luck my contest


  • tonialoise
    February 13

    Edit | Reply


    p7 "She was being murdered. (Or at least had.)" is this really necessary? Why don't you just say she had been murdered?

    p9 this is paragraph is confusing and misleading. He already has started his decent. Maybe if you move it above the previous paragraph.

    p10 "the soul was pushing its way up" this would work a little better in the active voice; "the soul pushed its way up" avoid the words had and was (and their variations) as much as you can especially in action sequences.

    You also begin a lot of sentences with "And" it's ok when making a point but repeatedly doing so takes away the effect from where it really works. Many of the places you have it the sentence, in my opinion, would work better without it anyway.

    p14 " To reverse what should've become," become? maybe you mean what should have happened? or to reverse what she should have become? This sentence seems fragmented.

    p15 "her ," remove the space

    "an horizontal " even though when speaking we place an before a word starting with h while writing you should use "a".

    " (or in what looked like the throes of passion) " this is somewhat unnecessary too as the mind usually pictures this sort of thing with the words "horizontal embrace." Or at least mine does Also you need a comma after the ) or if you remove it "embrace" to separate the clauses.

    You might also want to break this sentence up a bit, the long sequence of prepositions makes it a bit hard to read and if I'm not mistaken it's a run on as it is.

    If she had been murdered where is the murderer during the following scene? He couldn't be that far as I don't suppose it would take too long for him to put her back in her body. I guess it takes longer than I would think.

    p18 first sentence; when having a list of things whether it be descriptions or a grocery list use a conjunction before the last one. e.g. between "skin," and "the rejuvenated".

    p21 who's speaking here?

    p27 " and, realizing" remove the comma

    " his subtle grip," subtle? you said a couple paragraphs before it was "firmly pressed against her"

    p30 "She. Was. Astounded." using ellipsis (...) here would be more grammatically correct and still give the desired effect.

    While you use a lot of pretty words there's almost too many making the descriptions somewhat dry, or at the very least distracting from the action and plot of the story.

    Once you reveal she's a whore however, you seem to move the story along and don't concentrate so much on description, it flows much better and reads easier.

    p52 "distraught ." remove space.

    p53 "In angel song." This is a sentence fragment it makes no sense by itself, try combining it with the previous sentence by a semicolon.

    p57 "Oh, Mon amour," you translated other things, why not this?

    p64 "intensity his stare" comma between intensity and his otherwise this sentence makes little sense.

    There are many more things similar to what I mentioned above but I'll leave you to find them.

    This is a beautiful tale and yes I saw the change in character. It's quite nice and sad at the same time. I would like to have known what happened to Anjelica though now that she has a second chance in life and has been touched by an angel.


  • ShimmeringMirage
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is really well written! It is like poetry! I could see everything perfectly in my minds eye!!


  • Rune Morose
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    It seems I have seen your name around StoryWrite a lot lately, so I jumped into a random story of yours.

    This story displays a powerful visionary talent on your part. Your description really nailed the images you were going for. As well-wrought as these images are, I think they could benefit from more than passing description. Go into a little more detail.

    As you do so, you may wish to get rid of some of those "-ly" adverbs, especially around paragraph 50. Too many in one place can become cumbersome to read. You also made some word choices I found a bit strange, such as tears falling "automatically" in paragraph 45, and spams rippling through pores. I wasn't sure about "made of gilt" either, gilt being an adjective rather than a noun.

    Bear in mind I haven't read anything else of yours yet, but I have to comment that the descriptive prowess you possess seems almost wasted on such old, overused images of heaven. I'm not saying this is a bad story, but this is a conception of the afterlife we've all seen before. Maybe this is a prerequisite of one of the contests you've entered, I don't know, but I think it would have been more interesting if you created a heaven of your own to place these angels in.

    I enjoyed reading; thanks for the opportunity to comment! Below are the notes I took while reading the story, they should help with grammatical/spelling matters. Keep writing, and if you'd like me to take a look at anything else of yours, just let me know! (I'm trying to start reading at least a story a day on here)

    P8 possibly unintentional erotic language

    p11 and 22 French should be capitalized

    p15 line 4 should end in "come"

    p33 should be "confusion"

    odd choices of words, such as "automatically" in p45, spasms rippling through pores

    a few too many "ly" adverbs around p50

    p55 "made of gilt"?

    p57 sentence 2 would sound better with the phrases in correct order

    p64 cut out some unnecessary words

    p70 needs more commas

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