To the child of the thirteenth year

Dear Thirteen, 1

Vicki...this is gonna sound strange an purely unbelievable, but I'm writing to you from yourself aged fifteen. That's right, you survived thirteen, even though at this moment you probably see it as hopeless. When i look back and see you, smiling with cigarette stained lips that drank up gallons of alcopops just to find some sort of relief, I often remember that it was those days that helped me to be who I am. I swear to you that through 6 attempts at ending it, and countless bruises from falling so hard onto unforgiving ground, you will come through. And after that long, hard winter of darkness and pain will come one of the best summers of your life. Remember that day, 21st June 2003, when all your friends and your boyfriend met? Keep hold of that memory, because in two years time you look back at that day and smile to yourself. There is something i must warn you about, something painful that you need to know. Although the summer ahead of you will be grand and full of joyful memories, September will welcome in another chapter of pain. You will be tested for the second time with prolonged mental torture. It will bring with it 2 more attempts at suicide, but also a chance at being a better person. The doctors you will see are very nice, if a little patronising at times. They know how much you like fairytales and the idea of Snow White's story coming true. In some respects, you are Snow White. You work so hard for others, yet your naivety will bring you so close to the grave. But in that glass coffin where you sleep, keep those fingers crossed tightly to your breast...that one breath of life will come. Just one more thing you might consider doing; call paddy up one day, talk to him for a while. But please wait until you're sixteen for that first kiss. If you waste it too soon, he will break your heart just like Ian did. Now go on, get out there and shine. See you in two years2

Love Vicki x x x3