In A Moment Everything Changed

I then stood, breathless, thirsty for some more, my teeth clenching in approval of my hunger.1

Her sweet scent was encircling me, never taking off. Her beauty seemed to fill the whole, dark, tedious room. Her cheerfulness, though not expressed, brightened the nerve-wracking place. 2

Many were staring at her, and I developed extreme jealousy; jealousy that their adornment towards her doesn’t mix with hunger and thirst of her blood.3

I felt my mother’s eye, and immediately looked away. My mother’s a teacher, and very skilled in resisting the strong scent of human blood. I wonder in amazement how she is able to do that, and at that moment, I was dying to have her ability to do so. No pun intended, that is.4

I looked down, my sister observing me. She touched my arm, and I jumped when she did so. I sneak a glance and noticed that the girl, just a few tables away, was getting along well with other students. Her new friends seem to enjoy her company, though she seemed relentless to get away as soon as possible.5

Her scent still encircling me, I stood up and walked away, away from the cafeteria. My sister didn’t follow, neither did my mother, but their gazes were. 6

You see, we vampires consist of very well sense organs. They help us a lot during our hunting times.7

Yes, sir, that’s what we are. Vampires. And no, you’re not driving insane.8

Few people know of our true identities. How would you react if someone comes up to you and say, “Hello, I’m a vampire, and I’m dead for a few hundred years.”?9

Never mind all of that. The angel I left is what matters to me. Her loveliness seemed to brighten, not only the cafeteria, but the whole school as well. 10

I don’t know how, and I have no idea why either. I care nothing about anything else. She suddenly became the most important thing in my… life, weird enough. As if my whole reason of staying here on earth is her.11

I just can’t contradict the feeling that I was undeniably in love with that girl.12

It’s quite amazing how one human can change my whole life in less than a minute.13

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • sugarrrainbow
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh, i liked this! I love Twilight and so this was very interesting for me.
    However, I feel like this is very, very off. Edward's mother is not a teacher and the way this is written is not indicative of his personality.
    Good luck!


    • August Rein
      November 6
      Edit | Reply
      Err.. this is not Twilight...

      • sugarrrainbow
        November 6
        Edit | Reply
        Ohhhhhhhh sorry sorry sorry!! i thought...well, never mind. I still very much like it though!

        • August Rein
          November 6
          Edit | Reply
          Nah, it's okay. You can easily mistake this for Twilight, I guess, so that's why I'm not really continuing this


  • McrSAVEDmyLIFE
    April 23

    Edit | Reply

    interesting

    well, I have to say that although it was pretty interesting, it seemed like a bad version of twilight. I don't want to offend you but there are ways of going about using a similar plot, but still making it your own story and to me it feels as though your trying to rewrite twilight through edwards eyes which shouldn't be the case. I think that if you sat down and really focused on this you could make it better. good job, though.

    • August Rein
      April 24
      Edit | Reply
      hmmm... you have a point... it does sound like twilight... i should've expanded it more, no? so then it won't sound like being in edward's perspective. thanks for pointing it out


  • Bella Corday
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    Like a couple of others I would like to see this expanded. You have a brilliant start and you could bring this from really goiod, as it is now, to absolutely amazing. The language, flow, and settings are excellent. Expand using the same technic. I promise you will have a beautiful vampire story.


  • snoble
    March 29
    Edit | Reply
    i read this long time ago and loved it. i still love it thank you for entering it


  • Reaver Greeters member
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    Would have liked more, and there are some grammar issues, but overal, the story seemed like a great beginning. Best of luck to you in all of your writing and thanks for entering my contest.

    Rian


  • Rose Hathaway
    February 26

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I love this. Love at first sight... It kind of seemed like he was imprinting even though he is a vampire you know. This is very sweet but like snoble I think this could become a very wonderful start to a chapter story!

    • August Rein
      February 27
      Edit | Reply
      Well, since it's almost summer time and vacation time here in our country, I can take it out farther over the summer watch out! haha.

      Thanks for the comments, by the way!


  • snoble
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    aww i love this story. love at first sight. how sweet. you could draw it out farther though

1 - 12 of 12