Climax1
I ran. He was faster than me on land, but once I was in the air he would have no chance. One of the few pros of having wings, I thought to myself grimacing, he would never forget the day that I was chosen for an upgrade. 2
I kept my eyes on the path in front of me. There was a cliff somewhere around here, I was relying on it. I could hear his feet pounding behind me, I could feel his heart beating even from a hundred meters away, he was getting closer but the trees were thinning and light was beginning to pour in through the gaps in the branches. I rushed out into the blinding light of day and let myself run straight over the cliff’s edge. I knew he could see me, I would give him a show. Folding my wings to my back I let myself free fall. The ground became closer and closer. Feeling the adrenaline rush kick in at the last possible second I pulled out my wings and swooped along the ground and then back into the air, gaining height as I went. As I flew into the clouds I glanced back at the cliff’s edge. He was standing there, tears pouring from his eyes, fists clenched. He had been so close, too close.3
To think that we had once been friends. When you grow up in a cage and are labelled ‘freak’ friend choice is limited but even if we were normal, and had merely met each other at school I was sure that we would have connected instantly. We had a bond, together we were undefeatable. We were like brother and sister…until they turned him against me. Another one of their ‘exciting twists’… and they call me the freak? To think things only changed three days ago. It feels like we have been fighting each other for years. 4
He thought that I had left him behind, to rot alone in the establishment; it wasn’t true though. I would have gone back for him, I was going to go back for him. I was even going to give myself up if he could not be rescued, but he found me first. 5
Why couldn’t he be the strong one? He knew I was coming back for him, didn’t he trust me? 6
But it wasn’t just him; the caretakers would have had a part in turning him against me. 7
Had they offered him a reward if he destroyed me? Was he fighting for his own pair of wings? For freedom? What would make him turn against me, the only person he had? We hated the caretakers, they had taken everything away from us, in the cages our friendship was the only thing that had survived, and now they had taken that away from us too.8
I had woken the morning after my escape, he should have met me at our rendezvous point, but he had not made it. Imagine my surprise when I ran to the cliff to take off and found him standing there, real as the wings on my back. I suppose I knew he had changed straight away, but my happiness blinded me. I did not even notice that his green eyes were now coal black. He struck first.9
I should have realised that they would not have let their prizes escape so easily. Now I come to think of it my escape was unchallenged, I merely flew out of there without a backward glance, it was much too easy. If that was not obvious enough I should have remembered the simple fact that they always get what they want, always. If we would not willingly fight then they would make us. I had no idea what they had done to Mike, but he was no longer my Mike.10
Author notes
Serena-Jade
A contest entry
- Whatever!!!! by Savage.
600 points, ended March 21, 2009, 59 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - All kinds of Stories... Please kill my boredom! by GrimDeath.
600 points, ended March 14, 2009, 73 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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About the biggest problem with this piece is the commas. There are a lot of commas out of place and others missing. Other than that it's an exciting piece, the beginning got my heart pumping

So did she get away? -
Very interestings, the details and descriptions are strong. Great Job! Thank you for entering and Good Luck!
-Grim -
mmm... I like this. Before I properly read this story, put in the requirements in the rules. You have a day.
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What do i need to do?
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Sorry.
Only one prewrite in the For Members Fourteen Or Under Only contest. You're welcome to enter a new story if you can do it before the contest closes.
Andy


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Excellent
A well constructed and well written piece. You start with the image of running away and taking flight, and then add elements of the past to fill in the gaps in the story. I thoroughly enjoyed this. There was a bit of repetition when you were talking about THEM however. I was also left wondering why they let her go if it was so easy to escape and she could fly.
Great work Serena

beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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