Emerald

There was a boy. The every day average boy. A boy who was utterly unremarkable.1

He liked a girl. A beautiful girl. A girl that made his jaw drop.2

Soon, He started getting hooked to her every word. Her every movement.3

It was no secret, barely concealed.4

That he liked the girl. Probably more than either of them could ever fathom.5

Even the girl knew it. Knew of the boy. The every day average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable.6

The girl’s birthday was soon approaching. The day she would turn 16. The day she would be on guard.7

The girl was expecting him to do something. Something that would make him remarkable. Something…to try and win her.8

She kept saying, that she thought he must be thinking that a simple present would make her his girlfriend. That he was hopelessly lost in fantasies. That he actually expected her to swoon over him.9

everyone started mocking him. Mocking the boy. The every day average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable.10

Saying he had no chance, they would sneer. Talk about him behind his back. Waging war against his character.11

But nevertheless, despite the battering his personality was taking. Despite the accusations he could not fend off.12

He would smile. Smile a smile unconnected to their words. Smile the smile that he smiled whenever he thought of her. The smile of the boy.The smile of the every-day average boy. The extraordinary smile of the boy who was utterly unremarkable.13

Pretty soon, he got a reputation for being shallow. That he cared only for her body, naught for her mind. That he had a malicious heart. That he deserved nothing but pain. He would not hear. He could not hear.14

Everyone figured him out.15

Thought they had figured out his motive. The motive of the boy. The every day average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable.16

The girl was revolted. How dare he, She thought. She held his lust in utmost contempt. She was soon absorbed in her hatred for the boy.17

Soon, no insults would get through to the boy. Whenever the boy was in presence of the girl, he would be glassy eyed. Everyone was disgusted. Imagining what he might be imagining.18

So were her friends, who incensed her more and more. Who strengthened her anger, feeding her hate. Hate for the boy. The every day average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable.19

So, the day soon arrived. The day the girl was completely on edge. The day her anger simmered close to the surface.20

Her birthday. Her friends tried to take her mind off the boy. Said he wasn’t worth thinking about. The girl did not listen.21

As expected he did have a present. A birthday present. A present from the boy. The every day average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable.22

He awkwardly walked over to her. His feet skidding the floor. His eyes unfocused on her.23

Awkwardly smiling.24

He gave her his present. A present wrapped with tiny ribbons. Emerald ribbons.25

She was smiling coldly, and she threw it back at him. Threw it back in his shining face. Shining with tears. Her pent up fury sought escape. And she let loose. Let loose on the boy. The every day average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable. The boy who fought to be remarkable.26

She said loads of things, that she would later regret saying. Saying them with a detached anger. Anger at herself.27

She made unwarranted accusations. Accusations that hurt him. Accusations that killed him, little by little.28

She made out that he was nothing but a disgrace. Nothing but A waste.29

He tried to deny it. Tried to explain. Tried to hand the present back.30

But he couldn’t hold his own, in the group. He was alone. The boy. The everyday average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable.31

Him alone, against the group of girls...32

fighting back tears. he looked at her. Looked at her with blurry eyes. Tried to get the words out.33

She asked mockingly. “so why did u give me a present then?”34

The crowd grew breathless. Breathless with anticipation. They were expecting to hear either a confession or a lie from the boy. The every day average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable.35

He said36

“To see you smile”37

Nothing more.38

And he ran.39

She stared after the boy. Stared at the boy. The Boy that was one in a million. The boy who was utterly remarkable.40

She watched. Watched as his tears hit the floor. Watched him run out the door.41

She walked over to the emerald ribbon present. The present that lay crumpled in the corner.42

She opened the small box. The box addressed to her. Inside, were a pair of earrings. Emerald earrings. Emeralds that caught the light, and reflected her own tears.43

She stared long and hard at the earrings. The earrings given to her by the boy. The boy she loved. The boy she hurt.44

She wore the earrings. Wore the emerald earrings that the boy had given her. The boy she loved. The boy she hurt.45

She looked for the boy. The boy with the extraordinary smile. The every day average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable. The boy she loved. The boy she hurt.46

She found the boy. Found him dying. Found him losing consciousness from the loss of blood. Found the dagger he clutched in his hand. She ran to him, ran to hold him. Ran to tell him how much she loved him. Ran to ask forgiveness. And he died in her arms. He had found love at last.

Author notes

well...
one of my greatest fears...
A story that i came up with. well not really.

A contest entry

How can I improve.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Maggie Kay
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    i think you over used this line abit "The every day average boy. The boy who was utterly unremarkable."
    But i thought it was a beautiful story.
    People always judge people before they know them and they are usually wrong.
    Thank you for entering and thank you veerryy much for writting this story and sharing it with me.
    It was a very touching emotion fulled story! :

  • SilentMoonDance
    February 26

    Edit | Reply

    Nice...

    I really liked this story--the entire concept, if a little melodramatic. The utterly unremarkable boy, I could really relate to. And his love for a certain girl was his demise in a way. It's disheartening that she could not see him for who he truly was until it was too late, what his real intentions were. That just shows you not to go by gossip and what others say...not to have pre-conceived notions about a person by the way they carry themselves, talk or look...etc. It's all about what's inside, as cliche as that sounds. Lol

    Great, interesting write, and good luck in my contest!


  • Ashlyn Rose
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    oh my god !! that was amazing. So cold and cruel yet it happens everyday. I can't believe you put it into the right words. this is beautiful! congrats your a finalist!!!!!!!!


  • SoundInkMusic
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Some suggestions: Ease up on the repetition a bit. I know you were trying to make a point, but it still seemed rather much. Try to space out the repeated phrases more often, or simply stop using them after a certain point. Also, some of these fragmented sentences might work better combined as one, especially the ones that all have the same central verb. Ending felt a bit melodramatic to me; not the action, which I wouldn't ask you to change, but the description of it seemed a little overdone. I'd recommend looking through this again and trying to tone it down. Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, just trying to offer my honest opinion =) not meant to wound any feelings

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 2, characters: 3.

    • shadowgriffen
      February 8
      Edit | Reply

      k thanks!

      this was mindlessly written either way, ill look more into it eventually. And no, im not wounded at all! This is the reason why writers post anything! To improve. The ending, yes I’ve been thinking, maybe a car crash or something.

1 - 6 of 6