“I don’t know-“ There was a flash of light, be for Vincent’s eyes. A Burning room stood be for him, he slowly walked into the burning room. An unfamiliar odor lingered in the air, the smell burning flesh, which Vincent loathed. Vincent lost him self in a memory, he saw a tall, beautiful, middle-aged women was handing him to a child of about 12 or so. The boy took him to a gathering in the town square, there was a stake surrounded by wood on a mound of raised earth. The towns folk where all whispering with excitement and fear, the young boy holding his arm was silent and lead them off where they could have a clear view of the stake. A priest brought in the women from before, the priest tied the women to the pole and asked her some questions what it was Vincent could not here. “Mister, why is my mommy up there.” Asked the little boy. “Because she knows magic.” Said the older boy trying not to cry or show weakness. The young boy looked back at his mother, the priest held a torch to the wood. The wood ignited the women did not scream or shout. She spoke softly and calmly, before her last breath was gone she cried out to everyone. “I will always be there for you do not cry.” Cried the women. The crowd was baffled by the remark; the young boy heard her cry and began to cry. The older boy dragged the little boy away, so as that me wouldn’t see his mothers flesh burned. The flesh of his mothers flesh seemed to over power the young boy and made him fall to his knees and cry even harder. Vincent was back in the burning room, he looked for the source of the burning flesh. Two bodies huddled together clutching smoldering hilts. “I saw it… Us, burning.” Vincent said with a pale look upon his young face. “What?!” “BloodStar you are right I am a sorcerer.” Said Vincent looking slightly recovered. “ Ah ha, that’s a confession.” The officer from before was standing in the entrance of the alley. “You burning down this building down aren’t you, Magic user.” The officer spoke his last word as though something fowl fell upon his tongue. “I didn’t burn the building, Sir.” Vincent said in a claim voice. “A dragon set the house in flames.” BloodStar butted in but was cut short. “There was no dragon, you fool they’re all hiding in their caves in the mountains.” Shot the officer as he grabbed Vincent and dragged him off towards the town square. BloodStar threw on his traveler’s cloak and made chase. BloodStar went off into the crowd and concealed himself. The officer took Vincent to stake, on a mound of raised earth and tied him to it. Vincent spotted BloodStar and gave him a nod of reinsurance, BloodStar nodded back and disappeared into the crowd again. A priest came over to Vincent and began to pray to try and cleanse Vincent’s soul, but it was really stirring a dark entity within Vincent. The officers began to pile wood around Vincent’s feet, Vincent looked into the crowd many of them gasped and pointed at the sight of Vincent tied to the stake for they would have never thought Vincent could do any type of magic. The priest still mumbling, one of the officers held a torch to the wood hoping it would catch soon to watch in sheer delight, Vincent burned to a crisp. Before the wood caught fire, Vincent’s crimson hair turned blacker than the evening sky, his hazel eyes turned blood red boiling with anger, a single crimson tear of blood streamed from his crimson eyes. Calling forth his own fire, blue flames engulfed him the priest and the officer lighting the wood were both incinerated, the closest town people were severally burned. The raging inferno died down Vincent stood amount the ashes of the priest, officer, the stake and the wood. “Your not a magic user, you’re a DEMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Cried one of the town’s men from the crowd.1
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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I understand where you are going. You used the flashback this time, that made the whole scene with his mother easy to read. Very descriptive, how you said he smelled burning flesh and he didn't like it..then you transition into the memory. GREAT job there. Let me stop for a second, for a story of this magnitude..for it being so interesting..I plead with you to fix this story up. I know it will take time and spellcheck and have a friend or SOMEone use their grammar skills but I am thoroughly enjoying where this story is leading so far! You are delving into the meat of it, and again Vincent used his knowledge knowing he would burn in a fire, but there seems to be some sort of a plan going on here. You've also revealed quite detailed how Vincent is transforming. Good twists and lots of events happening. I'd still suggest to slow down and add a few more supporting details in there to lead the reader to where you are in the story..
~Lonelyhowls -
ok now we have dragons this is to cool
i personal like the way you introduce characters if leave me wondering how they came to be in the story -
I am sorry, I thought that I would be able to continue with this story, and I have it bookmarked for another time, but I can't seem to get the jest of this, you jump around to much and introduce characters in such a way it leaves the reader baffled, I hate being brutally honest, Take care, Lissa
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hahah nice twist! really cool! i sugest you read it over tho, cuz some parts of it are really confusing! but nice work!


