The 3 Little Pigs

Pig 1: Once upon a time there were three little pigs and they -1

Pig 2: Why do they have to be little? I wanna be massive and scary.2

Pig 1: This has gotta sound like we're the victims! Got it?3

Pig 2: Fine then, carry on...4

Pig 1: Okay then. Once upon a time there were 3 little pigs and they decided to leave their mother and build houses of their own. They were innocent little pigs and so they -5

Pig 3: Slow down I can't type that fast.6

Pig 1: Hurry up then.7

'Ping' sound.8

Pig 3: I got an instant message!9

Pig 1: We DO need to write this story you know.10

Pig 3: Fine, fine...where were we?11

Pig 1: So we're innocent little pigs and we go out into the forest and buy some building materials for our houses..."12

Pig 3: Is materials M-A-T-E-R-I-E-L-S?13

Pig 2: You spell the end I-A-L-S.14

Pig 3: I'm not so sure because I thought -15

Pig 1: Just type it. I'll carry on with the story.16

Pig 3: But I wanna spell it right though...17

Pig 1: Forget it already! Let's carry on with the story. So after we buy some building materials we build our houses and they're beautiful with lots of flowers.18

Pig 2: FLOWERS?! We'd be the laughing stock of the town if we had THEM outside our houses! No way!19

Pig 1: We need to sound nice and innocent, remember?20

Pig 2: But do we HAVE to have the flowers?...21

Pig 1: Yes. 22

Pig 2: This is a joke.23

Pig 1: But this is a joke that will save our bacon! No pun intended.24

Pig 3: He has a point you know.25

Pig 1: Anyway, the houses are beautiful with lots of flowers but then suddenly a big, bad wolf comes along and he -26

Pig 2: Eats us! That'll make us sound totally innocent!27

Pig 1: Yes...but then we'd be dead. And we're not so it doesn't really fit in.28

Pig 3: Is this gonna be a long story? 'Cause my fingers are starting to ache from typing.29

Pig 1: Don't be such a wimp. The big bad wolf comes along and he WANTS to eat us, but we're in our houses so he can't.30

Pig 2: That's not very exciting. How about a shoot-out or something?31

Pig 1: Well, maybe he could get in a huff and get some mates to batter our houses down...32

Pig 2: That's a bit violent.33

Pig 3: And a shoot-out isn't?34

Pig 1: I know, he can huff and puff and blow our houses down!35

Pig 2: And then we get eaten.36

Pig 1: Oh yeah...I know, you two made your houses out of hay and twigs so they fall down - but mine is made of bricks so it's safe!37

Pig 2: So we get eaten and you don't?38

Pig 1: Umm...39

Pig 3: I don't wanna type out my own death!40

Pig 1: I've got an idea, you can run into my house and I'll keep you safe.41

Pig 2: Aww that's so kind of you.42

Pig 1: It's not real you know.43

Pig 3: What else shall we write then?44

Pig 1: He tries to get us by coming down our chimney, but he dies in the fire. 45

Pig 2: I still prefer my shoot-out idea. Much more interesting.46

Pig 1: But if he dies in the fire then it's not our fault and we look innocent!47

Pig 3: Is that the end or do I have to type even more?48

Pig 1: I think that's about it.49

Pig 3: Now we can play space invaders!50

Pig 1: No...now we have to post it on the internet so that we look innocent, no-one guesses we murdered the baby wolf in cold blood and everyone can just forget this whole thing.51

*Silence*52

Pig 3: And then we play space invaders?53

Pig 1: Yes, and then we play space invaders.54

Pig 2: So long as I get to be the blue one!55

Pig 1: We have to put this story on the internet first!56

Pig 3: Can I spell-check it quickly?57

Pig 1: Go on then...58

Pig 3: How do you spell invader?59

Pig 1: We didn't write about invaders.60

Pig 3: Yes we did, the last line is 'Now we can play Space Invaders'.61

Pig 1: The pigs don't play space invaders!62

Pig 3: But you said we could play Space Invaders once we'd finished our story.63

Pig 1: We can! But we're not writing about pigs playing space invaders.64

Pig 3: But I thought we were writing about us and the wolf.65

Pig 1: Just delete the bit about the space invaders!66

Pig 3: Okay...okay. 67

Pig 2: You know, I think I could become a professional cover story writer...68

Pig 1: But I've been doing it all.69

Pig 3: I did all the typing!70

Pig 2: With a little practice, I think we could help all sorts of criminals to make and publish their cover stories. We could be a real asset to the society!71

Pig 1: You know what? I reckon that's not such a bad idea.72

Pig 3: My fingers will, quite literally, fall off. 73

Pig 1: Just think of all the money though!74

Pig 2: Criminals make lots of money...so they'll be able to afford high prices for a quality story!75

Pig 3: I thought the whole point of a cover story was that we could lie low and look innocent...won't someone get a bit suspicious?76

Pig 1: If they do, we can make up a cover story!77

Pig 2: Good plan, let's prepare it right away.78

Pig 3: I'm ready to type!79

Pig 1: Once upon a time...80