I could feel the sunlight burning on my pale skin. My head was throbbing; the pain was excruciating. It felt as if my head was about to explode. I could hear soft footsteps in the distance. With every throb in my head, the footsteps came closer. I tried to open my eyes but it was too much of a struggle trying to keep them open.1
I heard a slam causing me to jump. I had no idea where I was; what I was doing; or why I was here. I felt a cold hand touch my forehead. 2
“Mom; is that you?” I tried to say, but my words only came out in a faint whisper.3
“She’s very fragile at the moment,” I heard coming from next to my bed. “She fainted on the way here. The man sitting next to her said she was crying, and the next thing he knew she was on the floor screaming.”4
“What could have caused this?” I heard another unfamiliar voice say. 5
I eventually found enough energy to force myself to sit up. I looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings. There were at least 10 white, lonely beds in the room with curtains hanging around them. 6
Suddenly everything came back to me. The words of expulsion, being told I was going to boarding school, the goodbyes, the flashbacks, and lying on the train floor. I jumped up onto my feet as fast as possible. I had to get out of this horrid school, I had to get back to mom, she needed me, she won’t be able to survive by myself.7
I went to head out the door, however the school nurse held me back.8
“Get you filthy hands off me,” I snapped at her, before breaking her tight grip on me. 9
Her mouth fell open at my direct rudeness. She probably had never had someone talk to her like that, because all the girls at this school were probably stuck up snobs. I ran down the corridor with tears pouring out of my eyes splashing on the polished floor. I kept running as fast as possible, I wanted to leave so badly. 10
I was just about to break free from the school when I heard someone say my name. I stopped suddenly and turned around. A very strict lady was standing there staring at me with her lips pressed tightly together. I shuddered, I could tell she had a lot of authority. 11
“And where do you think you’re going?” she said, raising her thin eye brows at me. 12
“Um...” I said timidly. I don’t know why I felt that I had to obey her. It was odd, normally I did and acted however I wanted, no matter how much authority the person had. But this person stood metres away me and I felt that if I didn’t obey her something extremely bad was going to happen. “I was going to get some fresh air...”13
“I know perfectly well what you were doing. And may I just say one thing to you?” she replied, her voice a lot calmer. She didn’t wait for me to answer but continued as if she didn’t even ask me that question. “Running away is never the answer. At the time it sounds realistic and seems it may solve your problems. But where are you running too? How is that meant to help your problems? I’m going to tell you this; stay where you are, try at something in life and you never know you might actually succeed. Many girls in this school lived a life similar, and for some, the exact same horrible life as you. Abuse was consistent to them and they felt like running away. However they stayed put. And many of them have their life back on track and are succeeding. Just think about that for a while, before you make anymore decisions.”14
With those few final words she walked away, leaving me to hang on every word she just told me. They were so powerful they went straight to my heart. I didn’t know what to do now. Should I run away or stay put.15
“Where are you running to?” 16
I heard her words replay over in my mind. Where was I running to? I had no idea. After a few moments of silence, while my mind tossed over decisions I decided to stay. I turned around facing the stairs hoping that I made the right decision. I walked until I found the room labelled ‘23B’. 17
I knew this was my room because my acceptance letter said so. I walked in and looked around. My heart fell when I saw another girl sitting in there. I had to share a room with a rich stuck up snob. I regretted my decision of staying at once. However I didn’t leave like my mind was telling me to, instead I just lay face down on my bed and starting crying for no particular reason.18
Author notes
PLEASE COMMENT! i would love comments good or bad i dont care, as long as they help me make it better or make me want to continue it. thanks!
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Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Oh first impressions! Maybe the rich snob won't be as snobby as Sam thinks she is.
Keep up the good work. -Liz
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what?? is this all the story???? are man! i thought it was going to be really long.... but r u going to write some more??
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wow. i love it.. umh one question in my mind.. i just thought of it.. i don't really care about it. but i am going to ask u anyway. what is the genre of this story? lolx.
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You are doing a really good job on this. Poor Samantha- she has to stay at boarding school with rich, stuck up snobby girls.
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I loved it. I loved the immediate authority that lady had. It made lots of sense, this piece, and I really enjoyed reading it. When I got to the end, I went nooo, i want more. Write more if you can. It's really good.
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Please do continue this story. Looking forward reading the next chapters
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Please add more!
--Aden
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Hiya
Love this story.Cant wait to see more
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I hope to read more of this in the future.
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This is good! The flow of the story really goes nicely, I love it! I'm learning something from your writing technique too, so thank you very much!
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Looking forward to the next chapters!
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aaah!! please write more!! this is soo good and so interesting and fantastic!
keep it uppp!
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thanks for the comment. i will try to write more, but at the moment i have no idea what to write. i havnt written any of it for quite a while, so i cant gaurentee i will write more, but i will try to
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aaww
well.. ill be looking forward to it if u do manage
x
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This was pretty interesting so far. I hope you get more posted soon. It seems like an original take on a tried-and-true dramatic framework. I love the emotion in it.
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It was very good. The last sentence says "and starting crying" it should really be "and started crying"
That's the only real grammatical error that really stood out to me. I'd say the strongest part of this story is the characterization of the main character. The way she knows she hurts others but doesn't care because of her own hurt it. Yet the back story of abuse makes up for any brattiness on her behalf. The fact that a lot of the characters actions are not well thought out and seem impulsive all contribute to this story being a very good portrayal of a young person.
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cool aunty cit i luved this one it was just as good as all of the rest you have nothing to worry about. but at the end where it says that she regretted her decision of staying but then all of a sudden after she walked into her classroom she all of a sudden was in her bed?
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thanks, by the way it was not her class room, it was her dorm room thingy or wat ever u call it lol!
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wow. this is a REALLY good story!!!!!! u MUST keep writing it. plz!!! im dying 2 no more. this samantha gurl reminds me so much of my best friend sam. i have 2 no!!!
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Please do continue
In chapter 7 you say,[she won't be able to survive by myself]
should be by herself.
You're a very good writer. I do hope this isn't a true story, but I do know I will keep reading as long as you keep writing more chapters.
Trish
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wait... I just remembered something else. First Paragraph: Why was there sunlight if she's in the nurses office? Is she near a window?
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Well, citcat. It's fantastic. Your writing has definately grown and improved from Chapter One. Your vocabulary has become more interesting, giving the story nice description and detail. Just a few things (as always
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Paragraph 3: no semi-colen after Mom, just a comma.
Paragraph 7:Last sentence has nice repetitoin, but you have two tenses in there, and you said, "myself" instead of "herself when talking about her mom.
Paragraph 13: meters, not metres.
Paragraph 14: powerful and wise. Great speech there.
Paragraph 17: you used "descicion" twice.... maybe use "choice the second time.
Paragraph 18: *reads last sentence*"... for no particular reason"...hmm... Well, wasn't there a particular reason? Her life had crashed down, she was at the bottom now, and she had to work her way up from there. Maybe say, "... I lay face down on my bed and began sobbing again"
Aack! I feel bad about all these suggestions now. I'm letting my own style of writing get in the way. Sorry! I'll just shut up now. But keep writing, I love this story so far!! -
I REALLY LIKE IT! HOPE THAT YOU WRITE MORE!!!
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I think with every chapter your writing has just gotten better and better. Can't wait for another to come, get writing!
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Like red heart said, ' this story feels so real..' It does. You have made this a great story to relate to and picture. Feeling what the heroin was feeling. This is good stuff. I hope to see more. I would love it if you put description into her surroundings.
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This story feels so real..
I hope u get the time to post the next part soon.. Great going till now.
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And now I'm stuck with no new chapters to read. Anyway, down to business.
In paragraph paragraph 13 it should be "This person stood metres away FROM me."
There was one other slip that I caught that was really interesting. In paragraph 7, you wrote "she won't be able to survive by myself." Maybe just a slip, but that little accident actually speaks volumes about the character. Not only is she concerned with how her mother will react to her absence, but also her unwillingness to be seperated from her mother. It needs to be corrected in that specific case, but it could be something to play with later on in the dialogue. Or maybe I'm reading way too much into a typo. I'll let you be the judge.
Anyway, you're doing great so far, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
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dude u need to make another chapter!! i d it!! hurry write write write!!
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I lovvveee these. Carry on! (:
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yay! shes at skool nobody's been a stuck up snob yet thou
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This story's pretty good and I'm sure that the next chapter will get even better. A few minor gramatical errors but other than that it was good.
Oh and could you tell me why you messaged me and asked if I was okay? -
nice
nice story nice actionish stuff =D
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i am only a beginner i like this story i have read all 5 chapters i wouldnt be the best person to give u advice but when i was reading through i noticed this
“What could have caused this?” I head another unfamiliar voice say. 5
should the head in this sentence be heard??
<3
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