Why me?

I had a good life. Actually, it was a great life. I might have been the happiest person in the entire world. My friends were wonderful, my parents were always happy, and I had money. Then it was stolen from me. Taken away out of the blue. No warnings, no nothing. I remember the day so clearly. No matter how many times I try to forget, or try to change it, or try to remember my dad as happy as he used to be before she died, I just can't get rid of it. I wish I could change it. I want her back so bad. It hurts like hell, everywhere I go and all the time. Then this cancer came and took her away from me. Now, I'm a 14 year old motherless girl. Oh, man I miss her. I'd change it all just for one last hug or one last laugh with my mom. Oh, how I wish she was here with me right now. 1

I remember the day I came home from school to find my Mom sitting on the couch with my Dad. Her eyes were puffy and red and my Dad had a blank expression. He looked scared, in a way. What could possibly be so bad? I didn't know it then, but this would be the worst day of my short, little life. My Dad looked up when he heard my backpack fall to the ground. My mom didn't move a muscle. 2

"Sweetheart," he started, "can you come here a second?" 3

I walked over very slowly. Why were they so sad? 4

"Yes, Daddy. What's wrong? Mom, Dad, are you okay?" 5

My mom squeezed her eyes shut and more tears fell from them. My dad grabbed her hand and held it tight. 6

"Baby, it's going to be okay. We just need to tell you-" my mom's sobs broke off her sentence. 7

Tears swelled up in my eyes. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew it was sad. 8

"No, no. Don't cry. It's gonna be fine, okay?" my Dad said in a comforting tone. 9

"But I still don't know what's going on? I'm only crying because you're crying and I don't want to see you cry," I said. 10

My mom grabbed my hand and my dad lifted me onto his lap. 11

"Look, Tammie, sometimes people get very sick, understand?" he started. 12

I shook my head. 13

"And sometimes when people get sick, they can't get better." 14

"Dad, whose sick? What are you talking about?" 15

He stared at me, than let out a sigh. 16

"Your mom, Tammie, is very sick. She has a type of cancer and her survival rate is very unlikely. But we're gonna pray for her every night, aren't we?" 17

The tears flowed even more heavily. I felt like a brick had just hit me right in the stomach. I knew stuff like this happened, but you never expect it to happen to you. You never think anything can happen to you. You think you're invincible and that stuff like this only happens on t.v. However, reality hit me that day. My perfect world was no longer perfect and it scared the hell out of me. 18

"No. Mom, that's impossible. You're not sick, you can't be. I need you. I haven't graduated yet. I'm gonna need you. Please mom, don't be sick," I 19

cried as I grabbed her arm. 20

My eyes started to sting I was crying so hard. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve than looked up at my mom whose eyes were closed and was silently sobbing. She picked me off of my Dad's lap and rocked me like I was a baby again. Normally, I'd oppose to being rocked like a baby, but right now, I didn't mind it so much. I soaked in every part of her. The way she smelled, the way she wore her hair, the color of her lipstick, and the softness of her skin. 21

"Baby, it's okay. Nothing's going to happen. I'm not going anywhere," she cried. 22

It's hard. So hard when you know what they're saying isn't true. I knew she was lying the second it came out of her mouth. It must've been harder for her. Lying to her own child. Telling me she's going to be alive to see me graduate high school, college, get married, and the rest of my life. How do you tell someone every thing's going to be alright, when its not? 23

"We're gonna try and win though, okay? We're gonna put up a big fight. We don't want to go down without a fight," my dad said, wiping the tears from my eyes. 24

I grabbed onto her shirt digging my nails so hard into her I ripped her sleeve. I almost tried to hold on to her in this moment forever. If I dug hard enough it would make it go away. Like I could protect her, almost. How silly. Me, a fourteen year old, trying to protect her mother from something that can't be stopped. How stupid. 25