I thought I knew you

I thought I knew you. 1

Every detail, every secret you shared with me. 2

Since the first time we held hands, at the age of ten. 3

I kept standing by you when times were bad. 4

I would fight and die for and with you. 5

You were the one who brings the smile to my face and makes the laughter slip from my lips. 6

You always knew how to bring me back up when I had sank so low, you knew how to raise my spirits even when i thought it was impossible. 7

You wipe away the tears from my wet cheeks and comfort me when I am lost.8

We have seen many things together, I always thought you were going to be with me forever through life and death. 9

I never even saw it coming, all in one moment my whole world crashed before my feet along with my broken heart. 10

I didn't cry; didn't speak; didn't even feel, 11

When I was told of what you did. 12

I layed in bed staring up at the blank ceiling. 13

Holding in my unmoving hands the note, you left addressed to me, written in your hand and your words. 14

Dear Emma15

I wanted my last words to belong to you. 16

What I did had nothing to do with you. 17

I just couldn't take anymore, trust me I'm much better now. 18

All my pain suffering is gone I can be free now. 19

I will miss you so much though. 20

All the things we did and the time we spent together. 21

I will never forget, they were always the happy moment in life, you were the one person that let me know how special I was. 22

I know you needed me just as much as I needed you. 23

I just don't want you following in my steps. 24

It would break my heart to know you took your own life becuase of me. 25

So live your life, marry someone you truely love, raise your children happily. 26

Move on with your life but remember I will always be watching over you. 27

I'm not asking for you to forget me. Keep me in your heart always just move on that's all. 28

So this is goodbye then. 29

I'll be watching for you on the other side. 30

Greeting you with joy and ready to share new adventures. 31

I love you always remember that. 32

Love the only person who makes up half your heart and dearest friend, Jason. 33

When the day of your funeral came, I stood quietly in the back. Dressed all in black, my haired pinned back into your favorite silk ribbon. Blacking everyone and every thing out around me. I waited paitently until I was alone, laying down beside your grave. 34

I pictured you laying next to me, head placed gently on your shoulder. 35

As we stared up into the pitch black sky, hanging blankly above us. 36

Talking quietly about all the times we shared together. 37

I could have stayed there forever if possible. Standing from where I lay, I whisered my last goodbye until we meet again. 38

Blowing a soft kiss and wiping away the tears that fell. 39

Author notes

just something i wrote, it not real or anything

Catagory: Other
Exploding Chicken

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 50 of 50

  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    This was really good and moving. This was very enjoyable too read. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest!


  • dancer.
    September 4

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked your piece, and apparently everyone else did too!

    The thought behind it was incredible. It reminded me of a Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul story called EMMA. You should pick it up sometime.

    Also, yes, you should listen to "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood. It's almost the perfect song for this...except the boyfriend goes to war and it's her boyfriend...

    Anyway, thanks for letting me read your beautiful piece!

    Best Wishes,
    dancer.


  • andhearts. ox
    August 30

    Edit | Reply

    Contest Comment

    Very good. Impressive, best so far.
    Brownie Points: 0

    Tori,


  • codename
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    this was so heart breaking and sad. There's a video about something like this it's called "Just a dream". You should listen to it.
    Correction
    line 25 "becuase" it's spelled because


  • YourPinUpDoll
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    wow! this has left me speechless... Quite Amazing!

    Great Job and Good Luck!

    raven


  • andhearts. ox
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    Great! *love


  • try2changeme
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    so. sad. almost made me cry again. you are an extremely talented writer. dont ever stop. ever


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    June 13
    Edit | Reply
    omg u have soooo many comments!!!


  • SCREAMxTOxxBExHEARD
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    This almost mad me cry because a friend of mine died as well and his last words were adressed to me. I love this. Your a finalists


  • Dassy
    May 23
    Edit | Reply
    So so sweet! You have talent! Greaaat job! =DD


  • Violette silver member
    May 17

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    Okay well now you are also going into my finalists. Utterly superb! Your style of writng shows great prmise, I look forward to your work in the future


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    May 16
    Edit | Reply
    Very well done on the emotions.
    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
    Brooke


  • Carina.J.LR
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this, I like your writing format too. Please keep writing!! >smiles<

    Thanks for entering and goodluck!

    -Carina


  • reilly500
    May 6
    Edit | Reply
    brilliant!!! So sad but so sweet. You are a finalist!!!


  • Valkyrie silver member
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    A few typos, but otherwise well written. I consider suicide a pretty selfish thing to do, and it really shouted to me through the letter in this piece. He had someone who loved and appreciated him and he just wandered away, permanently. How rude. You did a good job with her emotions afterward as well. Thanks for entering my contest.


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    April 24
    Edit | Reply
    again the tears come

  • Grammarboy
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    Very emotive story in a sense. I like the letter, it was a rather mellow yet passionate goodbye. The use of images throughout this is quiet good actually. There are a few spelling mistakes Eg (whisered : Whispered ? Maybe? Line 38 ) But other than that, I applaud you!

  • Aria
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.
    You made me cry.
    Again.
    You keep doing that..

    Wow. You're a great writer. I totally feel this character's emotional pain. I can easily picture the times they might have spent together and the bond they must have felt. Your writing is so beautiful and true. Keep it up, citcat!

    ...Have I mentioned you're a great writer?


  • Cupcake14
    April 19
    Edit | Reply
    Enter it in Valkyrie's Rosencrantz Coin


  • CallMeWhenUrRich gold member
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    Aww. This was really sad.
    You wrote it well though.
    Good luck in the contests!


  • Luci Ferraris
    April 14

    Edit | Reply
    This story touched me deep, very sad, very intense. Good writing.
    It only had a few spelling mistakes,(for example line 24 WNAT, line 25 BECUASE, line 32 REMEBER).
    And maybe it would be a better reading when it had paragraphs instead of the one-liners. But the last is just my opinion.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • easily amused
    April 5
    Edit | Reply

    Awwww.

    Thats so sad.
    And beautiful...
    and sad...


  • Lois.Stone
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! That was so cute. well done.


  • magicmonster00M
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is okay in my contest's standards, but it is not really what I am looking for at all, sorry. There are also a few typing errors, along with grammar. I'm sorry to tell you that you did not make it into the preliminaries. I wish you good luck at story write.


  • tonialoise
    March 7

    Edit | Reply

    I noticed a couple little typos
    p7 "when i thought it was impossible" capitalize the I

    p24 "I just don't wnat you " should be want

    that's sad, especially if he did really need her he would have talked to her about it before hand. Ah well, just a story right


  • alb9137
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    awwwwwwww! oh my god! that is soooo sweet. do you, like, live, write, and breathe romantic endings and such?


  • Holey Pastry
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    That's really sad! It was well written though and made me feel her pain. There are a couple of spelling errors, but nothing to grand that it takes away from the story.

    Thanks for entering and the best of luck!

    <3 H.P.


  • SoundInkMusic
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Very touching piece. The letter shocked me, and the imagery and mostly simple way in which the events were stated fit the story quite well. I felt that the presentation could have been a bit smoother, but on the whole this was a very good read.

    Thank you for entering, and good luck with the contest.


  • Tricia3 gold member
    March 5
    Edit | Reply

    Very emotional

    So glad to hear it's not true


  • Vampiric souls
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is really really good... so so sad.. and I don't know what to say other then it was really good!!!
    Thank you so so much for entering!
    I'm sorry I can't write a better review!!
    Love it!!!
    Souls!!


  • Maggie Kay
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    One of the saddest ive read yet!
    I have read it before but it still kept my attention trew out the story.
    But what i dont understand is why he killed himself if he had such a great person holding him together. He had her to live for.
    But some things your not ment to understand.
    Nearly brought me to tears
    thanks for entering


  • Lady Kay
    February 27

    Edit | Reply

    Thank You

    Thank you for entering my contest! Your story is very touching and reminds me of a Chicken Soup story. (Real one.) I suggest you proofread your work and take out any of the awkward wordings.


    Your rating. 94 out of 100

    Ratings might change, but this is the last one until judging. Thank you again.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Atticus Unanimous
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    Were your tense shifts at the end intentional? The ones in beginnings were not, I'm assuming, because they just read differently. It was nice. There was emotion, but I couldn't feel it. I wasn't becoming your character and that's a huge issue with me. Towards the end I almost felt it but in the start, I was only comprehending emotional words. Perhaps making the beginning less numbed, less neutral I suppose I should say, this would be a lot more intense.


  • Lois.Stone
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    That was really sad, and really good! Sorry I haven't wrote a comment quicker (I've been ill)

    loisx


  • Len Shadow
    February 22
    Edit | Reply
    Aw. That was so sad!


  • His.Golden.Eyes
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    cool.


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    February 14
    Edit | Reply
    like i have told u b4 this makes me cry :'( thanx 4 ur entry


  • Owen Aero
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    I am almost speechless, and believe me, that's an accomplishment. This was terrific. The emotion and the imagery were close to perfect. Wonderful.

  • TheDecree
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    This is very emotional and very sad in the end. It's a very emotional poem.

    Good luck in my contest (:


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    February 11
    Edit | Reply

    hm...

    grrr u made me cry!!!! wow that was sad! u r a finalist!


  • Lachrymose.
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    This was good, kind of sad- okay more than kind of- but I like it all the same.

  • xxDemonicxx
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    omgggggggggggggggggggggggggg ='(
    my eyes are gonna tear ='(
    i looooooooooooveeddddddd ittttttttttttttttttt


  • bridgieD
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    that's sorta like a poem. so sad.... if you eva have 2 write a short story, this'll be da one


  • Maggie Kay
    February 8
    Edit | Reply
    a very emosional story
    nearly brought me to tears
    i loved it!!!!


  • RedHearts
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Heart breaking..
    'You wipe away the tears from my wet cheeks and comfort me when I am lossed'
    Lossed should be lost I guess.
    'I love you always remeber that.'
    remeber should be remember..
    I guess these are just typing mistakes.
    But good write..and truly touching


  • Paper.thin.paradox
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    great job!!
    i'm not going to say omg this was soooo sad and sooo depressgin cause i dont like it when people do that with my writing especially ones that are true
    so i do have a minor suggestion at the begining it felt like the tense of your verbs was switching alot so it made it a bit difficult to read
    but the middle and begining!! that was amazing!! GREAT JOB!! *high fives*

  • DeathByChocolate
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    this is a really good writing could be a bit more discriptive, but still really good.


  • Ashlyn Rose
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    oh my god this is sad...I'll admitt you might want to put more details into how when they were younger. But just oh my god. It was beautifully written. Congrats! this made is to the finals


  • A Lovers Sin
    February 8
    Edit | Reply

    :O

    wow thats really good! xxxxxx


  • Rawrr.
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Ohhhh. You are such a brilliant writer.

    The emotion is so good. I love it ! Keep on writing please!

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