Chill - Chapter Three: I’ll be a Stranger

There he stood, leaning against the desk casually. His dark brown hair was swept of his face, revealing clear, pearly skin. His sparkling eyes gazed at the secretary sleepily, his lips curved into a smile. 1

I took my sunglasses off; I wanted to see him better.2

He turned to look at me, and involuntarily, I gasped. 3

At the sound, he smiled again.4

The secretary finished shuffling through her papers and looked up at us. “I see you two are getting acquainted,” she said. “It’s fitting, seeing as you are in each other’s home-group.” She stifled a yawn. “We like to shove all the newbies together,” she added. 5

Throwing a careless glance at the secretary, his smouldering gaze returned to me. “So you’re Katherine,” he said, his voice was smooth and calming. 6

“Y-yeah,” I stuttered. 7

“I must apologise for my absence yesterday.” He stepped a little closer to me. “Jetlag is awfully terrible.” 8

“You’re not from around here?” My eyes lit up in hope.9

“I’m from London, London England,” he said, motioning towards his pale complexion. “Though you can probably tell from the accent, anyway.”10

“You must be hating the weather here.” I genuinely pitied him. 11

“Yeah, it’s bloody hot. One minute I was basking by a lovely fire back in cold Mother England, and the next someone’s pulled me into the fecking fire!” He shuddered, fighting back a grin.12

I laughed. “I can’t help but agree.” I looked up at him shyly. “I’ve been living here my whole life, yet my European genes still seem to reject the sunlight.”13

He laughed in return. “You, me and the sunscreen had better stick together,” he said, tugging playfully at my arm.14

I let out a giggle. I would like that very much. “Sure.” I looked up into his shining eyes. A minute ago I could’ve sworn they were baby-blue. Now, they were the colour of the ocean.15

He caught me staring, and he blushed. It was a gorgeous sight, the pink glow of his pale skin.16

“What did you say your name was?” I asked, giving him time to recover.17

“I didn’t.” He smiled, a dimple forming in his cheek. “It’s James Hemingway.”18

In the locker-room afterschool, I couldn’t seem to open my locker. 13-0-33, 13-0-33. It seemed so natural to twist my lock in that sequence, that I was adamant when it didn’t work. As I yanked at it repeatedly, the clinking noise echoed throughout the room, and those nearby gave me a funny look. I could just imagine their judgemental thoughts. 19

I threw up my hands in defeat, walking off dramatically to the bathroom. 20

Whatever school you go to, you could count on the bathrooms to be fairly similar. Nasty rumours scribbled carelessly on walls, ceilings littered with wet toilet-paper, and the dirty mirrors to which the hairy carrots and emos flocked – all was a given. 21

I weaved my way through the obsessive crowd, flinging open a toilet door. My hand flew up automatically to the right-hand-side, but there was no lock. Just my luck, I thought bitterly. It took me a moment or two to realise that the latch was on the left. 22

I closed it, and sat down, sighing. 23

Physically, I was here, in Ferntree Gully, yet my subconscious rejected that thought. In my mind, I was still back at Presentation College, with its right-hand-side-latches and sheer simplicity, back in the city with all my friends.24

It felt like such a cliché – moping in the bathroom – that I stormed right out. Everyone was too busy to notice the passing of little me. 25

By the time I returned to the locker-room, everyone had already left – well, almost everyone.26

“Bloody Australian lockers,” James moaned as his lock refused to budge.27

“I know what you mean.” I walked towards him.28

He smiled up at me, squinting in the sunlight. “One last try!” he proclaimed. When it didn’t work, he pushed himself away, saying, “Ah, feck it...”29

“What did you say, James?” As if on cue, Ms Bertuna’s head popped up at the doorway, her piercing, blue eyes narrowed. 30

“I, err –” 31

“He said he should “check it.” To make sure he has the right combo.” I smiled winningly. 32

The teacher’s gaze wandered over to me. “Well, then, I guess I’ll um, send Mr err, Loosemore out.” She retreated slowly.33

“Thanks.” James turned to me suddenly, beaming brightly. “Those religion teachers are dead scary. You’re a top girl, Katie.”34

“I’m glad someone thinks so.” Katie. For some reason, that name enthralled me. Katie. Katie. I hated how it sounded upon the lips of others, but when he said it, it was like a deep purr only meant for my ears, like a soft endearment whispered late at night. It was enchanting; fascinating. 35

“Forget them. If those wankers don’t like you I’ll...” He trailed off as footsteps sounded.36

“You needed me?” Mr Loosemore interrupted, and the moment was gone.37

When I had realised that I was using my old locker combination, and James that he had to actually pull the lock if he wanted it to open, we went our separate ways.38

At home, I checked my e-mails; Alice tended to send a lot of them. 39

“Hey Katherine,40

Hope ur having a nice time at ur new school. We all miss u very much... mainly me. I wrote something for u, well for class, but mainly u. I thought u might like to read it... u used to like reading my writing...41

Love from Alice.”42

I opened the attachment. 43

“I’ll be a Stranger44

Something is missing. 45

It was a small thing, a person, so small in the grander scheme of things. So small that somehow life can go on now that she is gone, but it’s never the way it used to be. Tiny holes have formed. Like rotten teeth, life decays, and the holes grow bigger and bigger, until everything crumbles to pieces. 46

Inside of me, there is confliction, contradiction. 47

It seems that when you left, you pulled me halfway to Ferntree Gully. So here I am, caught in between two worlds, unsure of where to turn.48

I took our friendship for granted, took you for granted, never realising that you had become a part of me. You had become part of how I define myself. And now, I am undefined, eternally searching for some meaning, some comfort in the routine that we once had.49

After school, I still wait for everyone to come out. I sit alone on the old, crooked bench, staring at the doorway as our friends mill out, two by two. Even when they have all come, I continue to watch, waiting to catch a glance of your golden hair bounce as you walk towards us, your brown eyes smiling, your cheeks flushed. 50

But you do not come. 51

I still wait with our friends outside the train station, barely listening as they chatter and laugh. It doesn’t seem right when no giggles erupt. 52

You are no longer there.53

Yet I wait, truly believing that any second you will turn up, pouting and sulky because we left without you.54

Alas, it was you who left me in the end. 55

I still wait with Tania on platform one. It’s just the two of us now. She says that I don’t need to wait; she’ll be okay by herself. But I can’t go straight home. I’d never gone straight home.56

But at school, at lunchtime, I cannot sit under our tree. It seems so hollow, so desolate that it makes me sick in the stomach. I do not see your familiar face, beckoning me under its shade. There is nothing anymore.57

I miss all the small things. The small things that added up to become the essence of my life. 58

Inside of me, there’s cataclysm. 59

Am I supposed to be forgiving when you forget to call? Do I laugh and tell you not to worry about it? It hurts, but it’s unavoidable. I was never as important to you as you were to me. 60

In Ferntree Gully you can start over, be someone else. And I know that you will. The change is inescapable, indisputable; indescribable. I know that the next time I see you, the Katherine that I knew and loved will be no more. 61

And in your eyes, I’ll be a stranger...”62

It felt as if someone had slapped me across the face. Instinctively I recoiled, closing the document.63

Guilt rose within me, closing in on my heart, on my lungs, suffocating me. I felt guilty for liking James, for laughing at his jokes, for experiencing the teeniest amount of joy. It seemed so wrong for me to be happy. I didn’t deserve it. Not while Alice was in pain.64

Then I became angry. How dare she send me an email like that? It was an obvious hint, disguised poorly as a school assignment. Did she really want to inflict upon me the pain I now feel? How would I even respond to such a thing? Do I say, “Sorry, I wish I could live the remainder of my life depressed, just like you...”? What an evil thing to send. 65

I bit my lip so hard that it bled. 66

The more I thought about it, I realised that soon, in her eyes, I too will be a stranger.