Dreams of the Foresaken

It’s so loud in here, in this head of mine. There are so many people talking, conversing, yelling, singing. None of it makes sense to me, I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m, lonely, here in this corner I hide in, every time I find myself here. Even though there are so many people here, around me there seems to be a void, that keeps me there, depressing me back into this little corner. I’m alone, sad, angry, I just want to wake up and get back to life so I can die faster, as this girl that’s stuck in a rut of desolation. I don’t understand why I can’t feel right in this place, in the real world. I can’t be me?1

I’m here again but I hear something new, music. This beautiful sound of a piano accompanied by a talented violin, it makes me feel calm, as the soft notes are hit, I feel something rise in my heart, and I stand. I follow the music, and begin to hear singing, a different language it seems. Everything else seems to fade as I listen to the beautiful sound. The three hardest to learn but once conquered, exquisite, instruments, I’ve ever heard. Piano, violin, and voice. Nothing else could compare to this sound. Then I come to the source, there, standing on a platform in the middle of everything, three young men, all pouring their souls out. I quietly come closer to the stage, not being able to believe that anything could be this wonderful, and pleasant, so, calming and inspiring. I can’t quite come up with the word that fulfils the sound. I can barely hold back my tears, why am I crying, this is so wonderful. The singer looks down to me, giving a small smile, and suddenly the words make sense.
“I can’t seem to find my heart, my soul, the one I am” I think to myself, that’s how I feel, like something is missing deep within me that’s been lost, and it’s what might make me whole if I find it. The others have noticed now that I’m standing here, and they seem to play even harder, pouring everything they have into it. The singer steps of the platform, and stops singing, looking me in the eye. The end of the song is coming, I don’t want it to end. The last words are coming, he reaches out.
“But, you’ve found me, and now, we shall be complete” I finally realized, this part of me that’s missing, I’m him, he’s me. I can be happy, complete, I can be me. I see the other boys come behind, the singer and put their, hands on his shoulders smiling at me. I reach for his hand, and smile back. Our hands are just inches away, but before our hands touch, a strong gust of wind blows by. I look back to him, only to see all of them beginning to fade, their happy smiles gone, replaced by sorrow. The singer looks at the sky in disbelief and then back at me, sorrowful. Tears begin to fall from his chin, and he reaches for me, as I do the same, but it’s to late. They’re gone, they’re gone. I fall to my knees, crying holding my sides, my head on the ground. I scream my heart out, and start pounding my hands on the ground. It’s not fair! When’s my turn to be happy? Why can’t I be happy!2

So noisy, so very noisy, I’m back again, they’ve never come back, but if they ever do, I’ll not hesitate, I’ll fulfill both of our wishes, we’ll be one, I’ll be, me. Though waiting, isn’t really something I want to do, there is nothing I can do. I know though, they’ll be back, they have to, they’re, me. I am them. 3

I am Wade, trapped.
In this body.
I’ll be free.
One day.
But
Only if I can find myself again.
If only I could hear the music again.