Deaths Begginning

It was around eight o’clock at night on valentines day, and I decided to take an evening stroll to a nearby park. It was beautiful out, mid-thirties, which feels like summer when you live in Minnesota, because all your used to is negative ten degree weather during the winter. My name is Sayde Michaels and I am eighteen years old. I have blonde hair and green eyes and I am looked down upon because of my black clothes, and rock music. I decided to sit down on a park bench. There was no one in site, I was all by my self in this little park. It had what all parks have, a jungle gym for all the annoying kids to play on. For an instance, I started to remember when I was a little kid, when me and the other little kids played lava monsters. Those days were great, I thought to my self. As I was pondering my forgotten childhood; I new someone was coming before I saw them. I looked all around me in every direction as quickly as I could. At first I saw nothing, just darkness everywhere. I looked over my shoulder, for just a second, and decided to give up thinking that my mind was just playing games with me, but then I saw him. He had pitch black hair and was extraordinarily pale. He saw me looking at him and started coming toward me faster than before. I knew that I was in big trouble, I knew that I needed to get away but I could not make myself move. His beauty was like nothing I had ever seen before. I wanted to bury myself in his hugs and never let go. Before I could gather myself together he was right in front of me looking straight into my eyes like he had never seen something so amazing before. My heart felt like it was going to explode, and my breathing started to quicken. I needed to say something to this amazingly beautiful person, but I seemed to forget how to talk. Looking into his eyes was like looking into a deep blue sky on a sunny day. It was endless and very old.1

“Your in grave danger,” the mysterious stranger starts say in a shrilling voice.2

I look at him kind of surprised and started to giggle thinking that this must be a game, “What do you mean sir, I’m confused.”3

“There are forces out there that want you dead, and I’m part of their team. I couldn’t bring myself to kill you, I don’t want you to become the way I am.” he looks down to his feet in pity, “Why cant I kill you!”4

“Wow, hold on, you cant be serious, I mean how can you be, dude, your freaking me out.” I started to inch away from him a little. 5

He really was starting to freak me out a bit and yet I trusted him and I was totally in love with this new stranger. What did he want with me? And why did he need me dead but couldn’t bring himself to do it? All these questions occurred to me as I looked into his face. Was I supposed to be afraid of him and if I was why wasn’t I? 6

“I am what your kind would call a night walker or now a days a vampire, and being that you are supposed to be a powerful vampire, if you are turned into one, they want you to be on their team. But it is not safe for you to be, and you shouldn’t be on any ones team but your own. You should rule and be our queen and get everything in order in our world. but its not the time to do so as of yet, they would try to over throw you.” 7

“So what should I do?” shock was evidently playing across my face unashamedly.8

“Watch your surroundings, and listen for me to say when your rule should come about. I don’t want to loose you. Please don’t do anything stupid, for my sake. By the way my name is Cassidy Lorient”9

“I wont Cassidy, I promise.” For an instance we just looked into each others eyes and then he was gone. I missed his presence and I wanted him by me now, not later. I new I was in danger of unknown forces and that he was going to protect me, but all I was for certain about is that this Cassidy Lorient stole my heart and I wanted him indefinitely forever.

Author notes

This is just part of a story i have begun to write. I hope it sounds alright, I have never written a true story before.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Luckyk
    February 7

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    Ok this was a rough, okay but rough. I understand everything you had here, where you were trying to take this and everything but it lacked something. You had alot of grammatical errors nothing that can't be fixed. But you could try re-constructing and rearranging your lines a little and maybe that might help.
    Try to delve more into the characters. Like how you said she was looked down upon because she wore black clothes and rock music. It doesn't really give a reason as to why she was looked down upon. Because i listen to rock music and wear black clothes, not constantly,but no one looks down on me. So you might just wanna fix that.
    If you said they were afraid of her because of rumors and led up to the clothes and the music. Maybe it would work. All in all it was a good attempt, rough but good. Thanks for entering the piece and i wish you the best of luck in this contest.


  • Cadburry melted
    February 6
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    Umm I don't think you are going to win over me or kat with this. Strictly because its vampire, don't get me wrong I like a little vampire but everyone seems to be doing it these days. On the bright side I read the whole thing so good on you. But I get the feeling this gave you a little trouble. I DO WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK IN THE CONTEST THOUGH AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE KAT Might BE INSPIRED.